Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!!

Here is what it is like to be 4-5 weeks pregnant:

Wake up.
Eat tons of food or else DIE.
Go back to sleep.
Wake up.
Eat tons of food or else DIE.
Feel good for 2-3 hours.
Feel like you have the flu for 2-3 hours.
Go back to sleep.

I am not really looking forward to starting work again next week. But I guess people all over the world are doing a lot more in a worse state then I am in!! So I will suck it up and see how it goes. Everyone keeps telling me that my symptoms will disappear and be replaced with new ones. Oh joy!! Haha, anything for you, little Gene Swarm.

My sister went to Goodwill and got some more gender neutral baby things. I am due in early September, which means she will have to miss school if she wants to be at the birth, but she says she doesn't want to miss it. She will be a 4 hour drive away, but I will probably give her plenty of time to get here.

Robots:
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Giraffes:
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I think Ash really wants to know the gender as soon as possible (maybe we will save keeping the gender a surprise for the next baby?), but I want to keep it a secret from everyone else. I really, really don't want a bunch of overly-gendered stuff that I don't want (why would you put soccer balls on a little boy's onsie?? He could grow up to hate sports. Why would you put "princess" on a girl's onsie?? Maybe she will idealize Anne of Green Gables more than Jasmine or Belle). Everyone says they want their kids to be individuals, but it seems to me that labeling them before they can voice an objection reveals that you're overly hopeful for one trait or another...

I'm prioritizing onsies and dress-like-garments because I want to try Elimination Communication, and it's way easier to do that if you have quick access to the baby's tushy. I always wondered what people did in places where the concept of a "diaper" or "laundry" do not exist. Apparently, they can tell when their baby is about to go and they just bring them to a place where it's appropriate for them to do their business. By the time they can crawl they just take themselves to that designated location. Some other groups have techniques that more closely resemble diapers, like filling your sling with grass.

Whenever my sister comes home for the holidays, you know she is going to either break out the home movies or the photo albums:

My older brother Frankie and I:
frankie and I

Mom nursing my sister and me nursing my doll:
alyssa nursing, mom, me nursing my doll

My dad sleeping with my little sister (the one who bought me baby clothes) and one of my little brothers:
alyssa, dad, jonathon

It still blows my mind every second of the day that we are going to be parents.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

First shopping trip for baby...

Robin, my sister and I went to Chapel Hill to shop for baby stuff at The Red Hen.

I got 4 onesies, 4 newborn sized pre fold cloth diapers, and 2 Bummies diaper covers. All this was used, and totaled $22 (the diaper covers were $5 each). I figured since I am going to be buying everything used, I should start looking for stuff as it comes into the store all year. That way I can get the best quality items and the best deals. The sky blue onsie is 100% organic cotton!! You can't get that for $2 anywhere else... I just realized that the newborn sizes white onsie says "5-7lbs", which may be an oopsie since all of my mom's babies were at least 8.5 lbs. I am shocked by my color choices... I hate pastels and thought I would come out with a lot more bright tones or earth tones. But there is a lot more pastel available for some reason. I looked at the maternity clothes but they didn't have anything good used (they had nice new items though).

I learned online that a newborn baby needs 15 cloth diapers and about 6 diaper covers... but how much clothing does a baby need?? I know it depends on how often you do laundry, but let's just assume that I am doing laundry every other day.

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I also bought a ton of recycled felt on sale for $2.50/yd at Joanne Fabrics, so I will be making more felt animals soon! The flannel goes on sale in a couple of days, so I will be buying some of that to make my own diaper covers. I also bought some fleece to make some little booties (I can barely knit in a straight line, never mind knit shoes).

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Ash calls the embryo "Gene Swarm".

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Just as everyone was all grown up (youngest is 15) and Christmas is starting to lose it's charm, we learn that the spirit will be renewed again with a new addition next year!

We usually open presents on Christmas eve, so today is just about eating good food, eating sweets, playing games, and playing music.

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Ash and I combined our Christmas budget (and chipped in $400 of our own dollars...) to get a mandolin! But we still got to open gifts since we always do not-so-secret-santa (there are really too many people in our family for each person to buy each other person a gift...). My brother Jonathon drew my name this year, and he went to a bead shop and made me a beautiful necklace!! Who knew he had such creative abilities?? My sister Alyssa got Ash, and she got him a bird house for the garden.

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One of my best friends from high school, Robin, came over and brought me this perfect little rattle:

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I'M SO GLAD that she got me something made of sustainable wood/made in usa because it was a good test to see if people really listen when I tell them I prefer stuff like that. I also really like that the baby can SEE what is making the sound (it's a Montessori thing). So thanks, Robin!!

Dad won't admit he loves this cat but... come on.

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My brother got a very expensive air soft gun. It even has a scope, it's pretty fun to use.

Christmas 2010

There is also an archery set, but it didn't come with arrows like it was supposed to so we can't use it yet.

I have gained 2 lbs in about 24 hours. It all went STRAIGHT TO MY TUSHY!! I have always wanted a tushy! I am a bit worried though, because my mom gained 50-75 lbs with each pregnancy, and that seems INSANE to me. I am waiting for an email back from my midwife so I can know how much weight is ideal (don't want to trust the internet on this one), but if anyone knows, tell me! I plan on walking 1.5 miles every day and doing prenatal yoga. That combined with eating well, and I should be able to trust any weight gain as necessary.

Friday, December 24, 2010

And so it begins..

It's all sort of paralyzingly exciting, nerve wracking, joyous...

I feel so different now. All that anticipation and romanticization is gone and now I am faced with reality. At first there was just sheer excitement, then sheer terror. Then there was the "this ain't gonna be like I imagined it..." and then there was "this is gonna be BETTER than I imagined it." I can't even look at pictures of my friends who are moms without thinking about them differently, as if my whole spirit is saying "now I understand". Ash also says he feels very different, even though he didn't expect to. My mom is so happy... she didn't resist at all to our choice of midwife, just asked us why we chose her. Thanks, mom.

I have been strangely compelled to watch "The Simpsons". There is something about their family dynamic that is comforting. I think it's because Bart and Lisa remind me of my older brother and myself growing up in the early 90's. I remember having a Lisa doll when I was little, even though I didn't know who she was because I wasn't allowed to watch that show. I just liked her because my cool older brother thought it was cool when I played with her.

I also feel a lot of guilt... I know there are so many women who can't even hope to get pregnant this quick, or who have been trying forever, or who are getting pregnant and aren't happy about it, or who are pregnant and living in slum-like conditions... it feels like too much good fortune for it to happen quickly, for me and my partner to be happy about it, and for me to be healthy. My heart is with all you women out there who are in circumstances less than ideal.

There is also the resistance to get too excited. As my midwife reminded me, there is a 33% chance of miscarriage in the first 8 weeks. I can't imagine why it is so high... I can't imagine why it would happen to me. But I guess I should be ready? I'm having a hard time predicting my EDD, since my cycle was so weird. They said to come in 6-8 weeks from now to have a check-up.

I'm trying really hard to do what I know I need to do, and stay really positive and strong... I know myself too well. If I let myself complain then I will start to feel worse (regarding morning sickness, back aches, fatigue, etc). I'm trying to change my language so that I stay positive ("boy, the baby is really growing strong today, I'm happy to give it my energy"). It helps. I have also been singing and loud and strong as I can (when my family plays music together), to get rid of some inhibition I have. It helps too.

Ash just picked up the guitar and wrote this little song... we think it's a boy so he used appropriate pronouns. I can't wait to see what this life experience does for his songwriting:

will he like animals or will he be scared?
will he be socially warm or unprepared?

will he like reading or playing in school?
will he like lord of the rings or will he be cool?

nobody can tell him who he can be
(except for you and me).

Thursday, December 23, 2010

That was fast.

POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE!!!

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Holy cow. I didn't think the test would work if I was only one week pregnant. So from my chart I guess I am due mid September. Crossing fingers that all goes well in those first fragile weeks... (especially since I just fell down the stairs two days ago).

My whole family is really excited.... I still have to call my grandma though (this will be her first great-grandchild!!).

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Parents and Parenting

As my husband and I weight the options regarding our choice of home birth midwives... it's clear that this decision will be the first of many that my parents disagree with. Everyone has to deal with their parents disapproving of certain things that they do with their kids, but I have chosen to live with mine so I have to navigate those waters more often than the average new mom.

Basically, I hope to be half the parents that my parents were. They did an awesome job, and I know they will be perfect grandparents. Looking back, I can appreciate even more now the things they did then. As I read up on all the things that are going to be important to me as a parent, I realize that I already know how to teach most of it to my kids thanks to them.

There are a couple of things I would change, though. We as kids RARELY threw temper tantrums, but when we did, the response was the same from my dad:

Dad: "What does crying get you?"
Kid: "....." (crying)
Dad: "What does crying get you???"
Kid: "......nothing." (more crying)

I can't remember if my mom also did this, or if she supported it at all. But I can remember having my feelings hurt by it, and even worse, I can remember watching it happen to my younger siblings and making a mental note not to cry because it was, apparently, an unwanted way to express your feelings.

Considering that in every other way they were model attachment parents, this little bit of history confuses me. All they were trying to do was let us know that our behavior wasn't a good way to communicate, but in the process they cut off the communication. It's also possible that this rarely, rarely happened but since it was so upsetting for me, I remember it as happening every time. It's also possible that since they were so sensitive to our needs, and tantrums were so rare... when it happened they didn't know what else to do since they had honestly tried everything else.

But back to the original concern... choosing a midwife. There are only two that are legally practicing home birth in my area. One is obviously the most experienced, but the other made us feel more comfortable and our heart says "pick her". Of course, my parents would prefer the more experienced one out of their necessary concern for my well-being. But out of concern for my own well being, I have to say that it is more important to me that my midwife makes me feel relaxed and confident. A natural home birth is 99.9% your mental attitude and only .1% emergency situations (almost literally).

Here is a local house that runs on 100 watts of electricity! They reccomend this really amazing thing... a solar cooker that is small, portable, and AWESOME. I really want one. Hell of a lot easier than building an outdoor oven (though, of course, the resources to be able to build something made of metal and plastic will be gone eventually, and an outdoor oven can almost always be built). I'm not a fan of building houses of wood since that requires a whole lot of trees, and it is really high maintenance when it comes to structural integrity, water damage prevention, pest damage prevention, etc. But it sure looks pretty.

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Friday, December 17, 2010

TTC and TTC

It's December and we have been officially trying to conceive for 32 days. Took a pregnancy test a few days ago because my temperature went up and stayed up! But it was negative. Still no Aunt Flo, sill the elevated temperature, so I guess I could have taken the test too early (the test was also a couple years old so that may have been a factor too). The instructions say wait 7 days before taking another test. The waiting game it is then.

I have been trying to hold out on any baby prep until I'm actually pregnant. But when I was in Amsterdam I was buying a present for a pregnant friend and I saw these PERFECT little leather booties (used of course). So I bought them (only 8 euro!!).

little booties

And recently I bought some crafting supplies and tried making a stuffed animal for the first time:

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BUT I SWEAR THAT'S THE LAST BABY STUFF I WILL DO. The wool is 100% natural wool... but the felt is not, which made me feel pretty guilty. I am going to look at Joann's craft store next week to see if I can find some 100% recycled felt (100% wool felt is too expensive, until I have my own sheep).

I'm trying to conceptualize what I want our family's home to look like. In my head it has always been Bag End, Bilbo Baggins' home in "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings". Due to our lack of experience building things that don't fall down... we may be going with the yurt option and building add-ons (wood burning stove, greenhouse, deck). There is a group of people around here who know what they are doing (Carolina Cob) but I'm afraid to ask what they charge. A yurt will probably cost $10,000 total, including a bunch of add-ons but not all of the add-ons.... a lot less than rent and mortgage for the rest of your life!!
I have been collecting pictures of sustainable homes off of the internet for inspiration.

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This is a picture of how a girl built a rocket stove into the floor of her yurt!! Very cool.

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Then they did something REALLY cool... they wrapped piping around the heater and ran water through it. INSTANT HOT BATH!

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My parent's roof is so huge, it could capture a LOT of water. There is already one rain barrel in place and it is always full all the time. One of the chickens tried to roost on it so I'm afraid there might be some chicken poop in there... sill chickens.

THE FUTURE IS EXCITING. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. The best prep for collapse is OPTIMISM!