Friday, September 30, 2011

Videos, 7.5 weeks!

Catching a pee AND a poo in the sink! Well, almost in the sink.



Babbling in the onesie Danielle made for him!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Rough day with a good ending.

Today he cried inconsolably... all day. It was hell to watch and so exhausting... I needed to sleep so bad and he just couldn't sleep because of his belly ache. Today was finally that day I was in denial would ever come... the day you just lay in bed and cry because it's all you have left in you to do. He did stop crying to stare at me crying, though. I wasn't too scared about my breakdown (I'm very carefully watching for signs of PPD in myself), because the whole time I was just staring into his eyes and thinking about how much I love him. There seems to be a trend of moms saying that a lack of bonding goes along with PPD?

Ash bought some colic calm... it is BLACK AS NIGHT because it has a bunch of vegetable charcoal in it, and everything it touches looks like I dropped some coals from the fireplace on it. I was really not wanting to resort to giving him anything, but I finally tried this and it instantly made him calm enough to sleep. I just gave him half doses 3 times today, and each time it calmed him enough to take a small nap. Not a cure, but certainly a help.

I'm sending Ash out to get some coleif tomorrow as well, which is lactase. I'm lactose intolerant so I'm suspicious he is having a hard time with all of the foremilk that I have (as a result of my oversupply).

I'm also going dairy/wheat/egg free this week, because I kept a food diary last week and those are the foods that I eat every day.

I looked up "colic" online and it is known to peak between 6-8 weeks... and he is 7 weeks. So I guess that's why it got so bad today... makes me feel better to know it's normal for it to get worse before it gets better.

Our friends Greg and Danielle came over and baby Leo too, of course.... and they brought SHEPARD'S PIE!!! I ate soooo much of it. I was starving, I barely ate all day because I was trying to comfort Luca. By this time, Luca had tired himself out so he just slept in my arms while I got to have some nice conversation (excited about seriously planning to build our "house"...).

Friday, September 23, 2011

"Waaa waaaa waaa...."

He weighed in at 11 lbs 4 oz at his final 6 week checkup with the midwives.

I guess the plus side to having a baby that screams when he isn't wrapped is that I get plenty of exercise. Pace pace pace pace... he seems to really like Wu-Tang Clan. I think it's the bass? We always play the album that someone spliced with the Beatles. I think it is one of my favorite albums ever made.

But really.. I'm ready for him to grow out of the crying thing! It's supposed to get better after the fourth trimester, when they don't require to be physically a part of you 24/7. At least we get smiles in exchange for crying sometimes.

He got a little rash on his butt that is just right around his poop place, which suggests a food sensitivity. Oh joy! Elimination diets are ANNOYING. I still think it may have been all those muscadines I was eating. This is day 5 of block nursing to try and get my supply down... his poop looks better and is a few times per day now! But he still passes LARGE amounts of gas and cries all day while scrunching his tummy. Apparently this is normal newborn behavior, because the ped/midwives aren't worried.

Found a great etsy shop with Montessori stuff!

Edit: Two cute things in the last 12 hours he has never done before.. he smiled and cooed in his sleep (he has only ever winced and cried), and just now he stopped nursing, looked at me and smiled!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Luca smiling (video)



(I say "See? It was worth it." because Ash was getting on me about filming him for so long :)

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I love bedsharing

I love bedsharing... 24 hours of precious moments every day! Last night he slept two stretches of 3 hours in a row (with a little break to breast feed in the middle)... so I kind of got 6 hours of sleep? Kind of?

Some things about bed sharing I have learned:
1) I think the fact that I never sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time keeps me aware of my surroundings as I sleep (including him). It seems like an impossibility that I would roll over on him or something stupid. I often wake up a few seconds before he wakes up, due to how heightened my mommy senses have become.
2) I DO NOT MOVE at all anymore when I sleep. However I fall asleep, that's exactly how I wake up a few hours later. I always sleep facing him and he always sleeps facing me.
3) Nighttime is easy when your baby is right next to you. It doesn't feel too much like I am doing "work", and it's kind of fun to feel your day extend into your night and to watch the sun rise in hourly increments...(I feel like I have missed a whole lot of beautiful, peaceful darkness all these years by sleeping a bunch of straight hours!). Luca stays pretty chill all night because he knows exactly where we are.
4) There is more mommy/daddy time when you bedshare. Several nights a week we will both wake up at 2am or 4am, and have a conversation while I breast feed him, or share our dreams we were just having, or cuddle, etc.

bed sharing

bed sharing

kisses


He grew out of the xs, newborn sized diapers last week:
baby butt

And today... he COOED!!! Little tiny baby talk. REAL baby talk. And I think his smiles are real now. I just couldn't admit it for so long because his smile is so... GOOFY! It looks like a parody of a smile in an old fashioned cartoon. I have yet to capture that exact smile on camera, but it will be here when I do...

I tasted my breast milk today and it was TERRIBLE. It usually tastes like vanilla ice cream, so I think it has something to do with the fact that my diet has been 50% muscadine grapes. It turned his poop orange. I have got to start meal planning or something. I eat the same thing every day and my old hatred of food has come back to haunt me.

Last night we went to visit our friends Greg and Danielle and their lovely new baby Leo. I give you the first pictures of Leo and Luca... BABY FRIENDS!! Leo is so chill compared to Luca, I think their personalities will compliment each other well. Luca started a BIG fuss right before we left, but miraculously he stopped crying the second I put him in the car seat... he just looked out the window the whole ride home (it was his first night time drive, I think he liked all the lights).

luca and leo 2

luca and leo

We have yet to get a good picture of the four of us...
first family portrait

Thanks to Amanda Mae for making such a cut hat!! It came in handy today, it was cold!!

photo (1)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Some observations on breast feeding...

One thing that is funny about breast feeding.... it's so different for every woman. I lost 10 lbs from the birth and another 10 lbs the week after. But then I haven't lost any since then... so I guess I just had tons of water weight to loose that second week? I sure peed a lot. Because if that weight loss the second week was due to breastfeeding, it would have continued, I think.

I know that I supposedly need MORE calories now than while pregnant, but I certainly don't feel more hunger, and I'm back to eating barely anything like I was before getting pregnant... so I should be loosing weight, but I'm not. I've always preferred being slightly hungry-ish by eating tiny amounts all day, and one thing I hated about being pregnant was all the eating I had to do to not pass out! But it's pretty funny how different breast feeding is for every woman, because I know some women gained weight while breastfeeding because their hunger was asking BEYOND what they needed, and some women were back to pre-pregnancy weight in no time because the weight just fell off. Looks like I'm somewhere in the middle... until he gets older and needs more calories and my milk gets richer? Maybe?

One thing that has increased is THIRST! I think I'm still drinking that massive amount of water that I was while pregnant.... like over 64 ounces a day. But there is no increase in pee, which is so weird!! (Yes I know, it is being made into milk instead!)

I have to say, I cannot say that breast feeding is "enjoyable" just yet. Mostly it hurts and keeps me sitting on my ass for hours. And with the D-MER, it makes me feel bad quite often. I know it will all be worth it though. I feel so sorry for him because he cries in his sleep so often, because his tummy hurts. It's because of how much milk I make. He is getting a larger amount of foremilk (his poop is watery and green sometimes, though not all the time, thankfully) which I just learned is higher in lactose which is why it makes him gassy and upset. So now I'm feeding on each breast for 2-3 hours, to help reduce my supply a bit and help him reach the fattier milk. It certainly works, my breasts feel smaller and softer. Now I just have to wait and see if his tummy is less upset for the next couple of days.

One thing I love is how little you have to worry... things have a way of always working themselves out, with breast feeding. The solution to every problem with mom or baby seems to be "more and frequent breast feeding"! Plugged duct? Breast feed. Baby needs soothing? Breast feed. Baby is sick? Breast feed. Baby has pink eye/ear infection/a scrape/a rash? Put breast milk on it. Need more sleep? Breast feed (while laying down!). Want the baby to calm down and probably fall asleep? Breast feed. Want to avoid 90% of the health problems in the first world? Breast feed. Baby poop is always changing in quantity/consistency? Just keep breast feeding. Baby spits up a lot? Just keep breast feeding.

It seems to be the only thing in the world where the best advice is always "do nothing". It really is a perfect system.

I'm suspicious that one reason so many women have trouble breastfeeding here/today is not only the total lack of community in general, but the fact that a huge chunk of these women grew up on formula themselves. If formula use can raise risks for SIDS, cancer, obesity, heart disease, ADHD, asthma, allergies, exposure to heavy metals... surely they should be looking at a correlation between moms who struggle with supply, for example, and whether or not they were formula fed themselves? It only makes sense that it would affect all areas of development. Not to the extent that it could be responsible for ALL BFing troubles, of course (it takes more than one or two generations of less-than-adequate nutrition to reverse 5 billion years of evolution... or to destroy God's design, whatever, same concept). It's estimated that only 2-5% (but certainly no more than 10%) of women physically can't breastfeed. But about 80% don't (and most of the rest supplement). Those are terrible numbers.... if it truly is all social reasons, that really speaks to the power and influence of culture in what it means to be human (and that is something I believe, as an Anthropology student!). I'm just saying, I wouldn't rule it out as a possible factor.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

5 weeks old

There was nothing in the world more stressful than sitting in the dentist's chair yesterday, getting a filling, and wondering if my baby was ok. Daddy is awesome but he ain't got the milk!! I'm glad I haven't tried to use my hour-long massage gift certificate yet, I would just waste the whole massage with my separation anxiety!

(And for those of you wondering, I'd rather not pump and bottle feed him just yet, he has enough of a gassy tummy without bottle feeding on top of it all! Plus he's still too young, he could get nipple confusion.)

5 weeks

I feel like he is hitting some developmental milestones today... a couple times when a new person walked in the room and started talking... he turned his head! And he also looks at your face a lot longer when you're talking to him. He was also awake and happy for almost an hour this afternoon. I have never seen him awake that long when he wasn't nursing. He just EMPTIED both of my breasts just now, which is incredible considering how much milk I have. I can see him growing... I think he gets growing pains, because every couple of days he starts crying for no reason and won't stop until I put him in a babywearing device. I think the position of being upright with his knees up feels good. When he wakes up, he fusses until i put him on the bed and he can stretch out... and I swear you can see his limbs getting longer as he stretches.

I'm wearing him right now in my new cotton gauze wrap…. it's a Wrapsody Bali Breeze. I like it a lot, the batiking is gorgeous (I thought it would be ugly, it doesn't photograph well online). It's much more breathable than the Moby, and since it's not stretchy, it feels a lot more secure. It's amazing how tight you are supposed to wear them…really, the tighter the better. I thought I had it on pretty tight right now, but I just looked in the mirror and he has shifted sideways a bit.

IMG_1825

That's his "take me out and feed me please" face.

He is five weeks old today. Feels like he was born yesterday. I keep remembering emails I have to return, from people who want to come visit him, and I think "Oh I have time…. oh wait they've been waiting for a reply for over a month!!"

IMG_1835

I remember thinking the sound of a baby crying was really abrasive and annoying... but it's different when it's your own kid. It just breaks my heart, all I want to do is figure out how to fix whatever is hurting him. I'm not saying I don't get annoyed but... it's more of a feeling of impatience with myself, like "why can't you figure this out faster??"

Ash is working on a job site with Bountiful Backyards today. Apparently, there is an intentional community in Rougemont! Who knew? My mom took Quinten out to his homeschooling classes, so it's just me and the baby at home. I wrapped him up on me and went downstairs to do some laundry… why do they make dryers so low to the ground? So old people and people holding babies can't do laundry without getting on all fours?? It took like half an hour to transfer the loads over and start a new load, since I couldn't bend over. That's why I can't wait to learn back carries… I never realized how many things I do that require bending over!

I also spilt an ENTIRE water bottle all over myself and my bed while nursing this morning… and last night as well. Is there a stainless steel water bottle in the world that doesn't leak and/or pop open at inopportune moments?? I have a feeling all of ours have had their lids mixed and matched, which is why none of them seem to stay on properly. Because it's not like they are Wal Mart pieces of junk or something.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

1 month

Luca was one month old yesterday! He grows a little every time he naps, it's so weird. I didn't think I could literally WATCH him grow but... I can. I can't wait for him to be a "real baby", as my sister put it! He's one third of the way through the 4th trimester and then the more fun stuff happens!

He has had at least 2 or 3 nights where he has slept 5 hours in a row... and then one night a couple nights ago where he just cried for like 3 hours straight. I got him to stop crying once with the magic baby hold, and then I got him to finally fall asleep by rocking him while he was in the ring sling. I think being worn makes him feel like he is swaddled, because he loves it and it instantly calms him. But I never hold him in cradle hold in the ring sling... it creeps me out. It seems like his chin is right against his chest just like in the stupid car seat. Did I mention I HATE CAR SEATS? They need to design an in-arms car seat so I can nurse him without pulling over.

I'm going to a baby wearing thing tomorrow... I'm hoping to try out different kinds of wraps. I just went ahead and bought a cotton gauze wrap, because the Moby was SO HOT and the stretch was a bit unhelpful (and you can't do back carries with a stretch wrap, and I need back carries for when we start building our house next year). The wrap was on sale and I can return it if I want, but hopefully I will like it enough to keep it...because it was on sale for $45 and most non-stretchy wraps are over $100.

I have been peeing Luca in fun places... the bathroom sink, a parking lot, a mason jar I grab just in time from the nightstand... I wish I had the guts to go totally diaper free, but he just start pooping every day and I'm always really surprised when he goes in the diaper (he grunts, pushes, and farts all day long so none of those signs are reliable... and about 1 out of every 3 times he stares off into space he poops). The dryer is still broken but luckily there was some nice sun yesterday so I got some laundry done. I have to use 4 disposable diapers and NOTHING will ever get rid of the guilt form that!! Which is stupid, because every night when I'm nursing I eat 2 Lara bars and those have disposable wrappers... I just felt like I should have folded up my T-shirts before I started using disposables.

There are a bajillion perverts all up in my flickr ever since I posted some photos of me breastfeeding. Sometimes I forget exactly how public flickr is... so I'm changing those photos to "only friends and family". Someone requested I add some photos to a pool that was full of photos of moms breastfeeding.... and I think that's where the perverts are finding me. GO AWAY ALL HORRIBLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. I stinks to feel violated while doing something as sweet and innocent as feeding my baby.

Monday, September 5, 2011

So...tired....

GAR. Baby is sound asleep on my chest, now that I am WIDE AWAKE. He was up all night fussing.

He is four weeks old tomorrow!! I heard it all gets easier after 6 weeks. HERE'S HOPING. Breast feeding should get a lot less time consuming as well. I have got to figure out nursing in the sling, it will make me a lot less tied to my butt during this frequent-nursing era. Good thing he is so cute. The weather is so perfect right now, I hate that I am missing so many nice days outside. It's just too much of a pain in the butt to carry around all the diapers and blankets and pillows I need right now... the second I get outside, he is asleep and I'm wishing I was in bed so I could just go to sleep as well. Moments outside are rare and greatly appreciated. He LOVES being outside though, and he loves being worn in both the ring sling and the moby.

in the garden

in the garden

on the swing with mamaw

My nipples are killing me. OY. OUCH OUCH.

Being pregnant for so long and now nursing a newborn makes me antsy... so much time sitting down!! I really want to go outside and RUN AS FAST AS I CAN. I feel physically normal, but I know my post partum healing isn't technically done. I still have a few weeks left where if I push myself too hard, I could hurt my poor uterus which is working so hard to heal itself (even if I can't feel it happening). If there is one thing I have learned about myself during this whole journey... I need to prioritize taking very good care of my body. I have never appreciated being able to MOVE so much, until now. And one of the things I said to Ash after giving birth was "I'm never going to waste another day in my life". The experience of doing something so amazing made me realize my true potential in life... and it made me sick to think of all the days I spent lying around watching TV, or surfing the internet, or wallowing in my own self pity. Even with the baby to take care of, I still find moments to do research on our cob house (which we want to start building early next year). I feel very motivated to actually get stuff done... for myself and also for my son.