Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Teething?!

He's not even 4 months, and I can see a tooth coming in on the bottim right! I felt so much better after knowing why he was crying... I gave him my pinky to gnaw on and he felt better. It seems like one thing after another with this poor kid. I took a log of his Sunday in detail, and I was glad I did because it turned out to be a rough day. It was good to see confirmation that, yes, he does cry all the time and I have the right to claim to be as exhausted as I am. Sometimes I'm scared I'm just imagining it. Most days have felt unreal since he was born.

I had read that sometimes breastfeeding can make you feel aggressive... I wasn't sure about this until yesterday, when Ash took a shower, had a nap, and read a book whenever he wanted to, and it made me SO ANGRY. It's little things like that which I was completely unprepared to care about as a normal part of parenthood.

I decided to just go ahead and do the serious elimination diet, since he is nearing 4 months now and that's the cut off for developmentally-related fussing (as in, his digestive tract should be mature by now and working fine). I will revisit homeopathy after the teething and elimination diet is over, because right now it's too hard to tell what is causing what. So it's just turkey, lamb, pears, potatoes, rice, squash, salmon, carrots, oats, sunflower seeds, and grapes for me for two weeks.

He had several moments in the past couple of days where he seemed like a normal baby to me. He took a nap for two hours. He stayed happy for a whole hour another day. And on one of those days, I sat in a chair and sat him in my lap, and he just chilled for ten minutes like it was no big deal. I took an hour nap while daddy watched him yesterday, and woke up feeling like a different person... one who really enjoyed being with her baby. In those moments, I felt like myself again.... it felt amazing.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Homeopathy

Luca, 3.5 months:

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I'm a big fan of homeopathy, and our family has been seeing Susan Delaney for years (since we were babies!). I took Luca to her on Monday, to see if she could help with his colic. She gave us three remedies to try. The first did not work (actually made it worse). Last night and this morning he took the second remedy... he's like a different baby today! He is still fussy, but he has had two periods of about half an hour where he was not only happy, but BEAMING and playing and having fun!! Tomorrow should be even better.. but how he sleeps tonight should be the real test. Last night he only cried when he woke up at about 6:30am (rather than every 2 hours like the rest of the week). I'm hoping he brings back his 4-6 hour stretch like when we were in Charleston! Dr. Delaney said it was curious he did better in Charleston, because the remedy she gave us (the second one, the one we're on now) comes from a plant that grows on the seashore.

Luca managed to grab his feet this morning for the first time... he was so proud of himself! Then he couldn't get them in his mouth and got mad. Right now he is playing with my sweater sleeve while I type... it's so sweet. It's so nice to see him actually play. I feel like his development has been a bit delayed because of his crying all the time. He has so much more time to learn now!

Here we are at our favorite restaurant in the world, G&M. He made a big poop and we had left the diaper bag at home:

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Saturday, November 19, 2011

First trip = :)

Charleston has been good for all of us... especially Luca. He slept 6-7 hours every other night. On two days, he took a nap so long that the whole family got a nap. He figured out how to reach out and grab toys. He has pooped every single day!! The ride here (normally 4.5 hours) took 7.5 hours... hopefully the ride home will have less stops. But overall, we're all leaving here a bit happier than we were before!

luca 1
luca 2

Sunday, November 13, 2011

His first road trip is tomorrow...

Luca slept 7 hours straight last night. THE BUTTER IS OUT OF MY SYSTEM JUST IN TIME FOR CHARLESTON TOMORROW!!! Now I have to figure out what I can still eat at my favorite restaurant in the world, Fast and French.

Sorry if this blog has been a downer lately. I'm not trying to complain, I'm just trying to make my internet portrayal of motherhood as accurate as possible. Too many mom blogs leave out the dirty details, and then when new moms like me get slammed with anxiety, it makes us feel alone and scared that something is wrong with us or the baby. Bull! This shit is hard and it's great to hear from others that it will get better...but first I had to let them know I was struggling at all.

I'm working on a bigger piece, all about marriage and having kids, but I have to wait until Ash has time to proof read and edit it before I post it (and yes, I proof read and edit anything you ever see him post :)

THERE IS BEAUTY ALL AROUND ME!!

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Photo on 2011-11-13 at 18.47 #3

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Today was so great! Even without sleep. I was out all day with Danielle and Leo; we went to Cary (I HATE CARY I GOT SO LOST) for the Babywearers meeting. We learned Double Hammock, which is a really comfy back carry. I borrowed a wrap/mai tei hybrid.

me and danielle
me and lucca
danielle and leo
danielle

I'm really glad that every mom I talk to says the first baby is always the hardest. Because I really do want more children...I could just do without the raging depression!! I really should not have stopped taking my placenta.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Sigh.

This week: back to square one. Crying all day, all night. Misery. HELL. The thought of leaving the house is terrifying. I forget to eat. He wakes up at least half of the time screaming in pain, inconsolably.

The only thing I can think of is that I ate a bunch of cookies with butter in them on Sunday. Can that seriously cause writhing in pain for a whole week??? It's obviously a food allergy, but since I lack the willpower to stay away from dairy, and I'm not keeping a food diary (BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT) I have no idea if I'm even doing all I can.

I'm so confused all the time. He seems so miserable.

Monday, November 7, 2011

SLEEP!!

He has been sleeping so well!! It's amazing what some real sleep can do for your mood (and vise versa). He was so sweet today... his vision is so good, he smiles as I approach. He keeps staring at his own hands, and I've started giving him grasping toys. He sat in the bouncy chair having fun all by himself while I cleaned out my dresser drawers. They were all right when they told me... the 3 month mark is a big deal. And he isn't officially 3 months for two more days! I think I can finally start counting his age in months now that he isn't in the fourth trimester anymore.

A random lady at Whole Foods stopped me and said "Oh! You had your little one!" Apparently she had seen me several times there when I was pregnant! Funny.

I'm really, REALLY excited to get started building our house. I've been flipping through "The Hand Sculpted House" and getting great ideas.

I was getting rid of some old clothes when I came across all my maternity clothes. "Better save these for the next one", I thought. Oooooh brother.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

A day out

As the Charleston trip draws nearer, I keep looking for signs in his development that make it seem like it won't be a miserable failure. He has slept 5-6 hours a a time every other night this week. So that's amazing. But in the car... he almost made it all the way to Siler City today without crying (1 hour and 15 minutes). Actually, he would have made it all the way if Ash hadn't gotten pulled over for speeding (one of those things where you're on a highway and everyone is going 70 mph, and then suddenly it's not a highway and the speed limit drops to 55mph...but you're still going 76 mph. Oops.). He had a lovely day at Circle Acres, visiting his baby friend Leo. It was cold, but he seemed to love it. He cracked up every time the wind blew. We learned about making cob ovens, cover crops, and starting fire with friction. But on the way home, he started crying and we had to stop for a while to try and figure out what he wanted (he ended up nursing and screaming for like 20 minutes, I'm guessing because he hasn't pooped in 3 days again, and his tummy is uncomfortable).

So unless he suddenly matures and stops being such a silly pooper, I really don't want to attempt a road trip. But Ash really doesn't want to leave Luca for a week. And not only would I miss Ash terribly, but no one would be here to cook me healthy meals!!

I'm really confused at this point why people ever have more than one kid.

Either:
1) Most people must have easier babies
2) Most people can handle sleep deprivation better than me
3) Most people enjoy the non-newborn periods so much, that this is worth it (likely I will fall into this category)
OR,
4) People just forget how miserable this is??

I love him more than anything, but I feel terrible all the time and can't wait until he grows up a bit. I really want more than one child, but I'm not sure how many newborn periods I can survive with my sanity intact.

Here's a picture from our date at Rue Cler, where he did surprisingly well (fell asleep right as we got there, ran out of patience as we were finishing dessert).
baby and beignets

Here's him with his baby friend, Leo!
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luca and leo4

Thursday, November 3, 2011

SLEEP

Monday night: 5 hour stretch followed by a 5 hour stretch followed by a 1 hour stretch (got out of bed at 9am)
Tuesday night: woke every 2 hours, refused to sleep past 6:30am.
Wednesday night: 5 hour stretch followed by 4 hour stretch followed by 2 hour stretch (got out of bed at 8am)

DO I SEE SOME IMPROVEMENT HERE? Let's see how tonight goes... if he keeps this up, by the time he turns 3 months old on the 9th, I really WILL have a different baby, just like everyone on the internet assured me I would.

And that means I can be a different mommy. A BETTER mommy. A HAPPY mommy.

I made pumpkin bread today... reduced the sugar and added maple syrup. Next time I will try all maple syrup. It takes some practice to figure out how much extra dry matter to add once you take out the brown sugar.
My mom is making homemade chicken soup for dinner. This combo is a winning one.