Thursday, March 22, 2012

My Norwegian Lion

We laid down for a nap at 1:15, and woke up just past 3pm. WOW!! So that's what a real nap feels like.

My baby thinks he's a lion. He roars and growls and grrrs. I guess he is a Leo!

He chose his first repetitive noise to be a strange consonant and a vowel. It sounds like "yayayayaya". As Uncle Quinten put it, he's trying to be Norwegian! In which case, I spelt it wrong ("jajajajaja").

His bottom two teeth are coming in at the same time. They seem to be already through, but they are really hurting him. It almost makes me suspicious that there must be a third tooth somewhere. An ice cube in a wash cloth provided temporary relief last night, but he still didn't get to sleep until almost 9 because he was so sad. It's funny how much easier it is to deal with a crying baby when you know why they are crying. Teething is no big deal compared to the nights I spent pacing the floor and wondering why he was in so much pain!

His clothes are starting to look baggy on him! He's getting so long and lean.

He really loves his new stroller. It's fun to walk around the neighborhood with it, I can tell it's going to be nice for daily use in the summertime, when baby wearing gets a bit warm. But for being out and about and running errands, nothing beats the carrier. I can't imagine walking into shops, perusing the museum, or deciding to explore a random garden or trail while lugging a big stroller around!

baby wearing

new stroller

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

dream

Two nights ago I had to most spectacular dream. I dreamt that once a year, on Friday the 13th, there was a day where al thoughts became real. Anything you thought burst into being in thin air in front of you. You can imagine, considering the speed at which thought race through our head, and the terrible thoughts many people think of, that it was chaos!

People everywhere were staring at the ground, trying to think of nothing and miserably failing and causing horrible gruesome accidents. So many people, included myself, just stuck with trying to think about one harmless thing. I thought about all the toys I could remember playing with in my childhood, and they sprang to life in front m of me in various forms, none of them quite right and most of them blended together. I got bored and that and decided to think of a spectacular adventure instead, a treasure hunt in an old, moss-covered house with aquariums full of sea creatures.

But then I came upon a man who had thought himself into quite a situation. There was a hole in his throat, about the size of a tennis ball, and there was garbage spewing out of it. He was terrified, because he couldn't stop it and the only way to save his life was to kill himself (on this one day per year, if you killed yourself you could come back to life the next day). He was trying to drown himself in a swimming pool, but he couldn't. Another man and I helped him, by holding him under the water until he stopped breathing. It was disturbing but felt like a rescue mission, since we knew it was the only way to save him.

Eventually I just sat on the ground and looked around at the dirt around me, and decided to make it all mossy and pretty. I stared at the ground, touching it and willing the moss to grow and spread. It was fun and beautiful.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

working mother, my first 3 days!

The job at Elmo's is the fastest paced and most physically intense job I've ever had. I think the only thing more physically demanding would be farming or digging ditches. Most people there work an 8 hour shift with no breaks (no sitting down, no eating, just taking sips of water whenever you can steal half a second). But it seems to be a great place to work, most of the people who work there have either worked there for years, or they keep coming back to work there over the course of their lifetime.

That restaurant is an extremely well-run machine. Everyone has their job, and there is only one way to do it or the whole thing falls apart. Theres a huge staff, and everyone's really friendly and saying "thank you" to you just for doing your job (though I do love that there is very little time to socialize, I've never been good at watercooler chit chat). It's refreshing to be in a job where I know exactly what is expected of me. Team work plays a major role, so everyone is always helping each other out (bussers sometimes greet customers and take their drink orders for the servers, and the servers will "pre-bus" some of the dishes off the table as they are serving, and hosts will collect menus for the servers to bring back to their station or let a busser know if they didn't see someone get up from a table). On Saturday morning, there was a rush from 9am-2pm. Someone would finish eating and WHAM there I was cleaning it the second they got up, and then WHAM someone would come right behind me and sit down to eat. There are 55 tables. Weekdays see 600 people per day, weekends 1200 people per day. I also like that at this job, the managers are just as busy if not MORE busy than the staff. I'm used to working for managers who are way overpaid for what they do, lazy, and overly critical just to boost their own feeling of self-worth. There's no time for that yucky business at Elmos!

Right now, Ash is bringing Luca twice to nurse. I have only been able to pump about 2 ounces until this morning, when I got 4 ounces. I'm supposed to leave at least 1.5 ounces per hour I'm away, so I'd like to get up to 12 ounces per day. I started taking fenugreek to boost my supply. Online, it said keep taking it until you smell like maple syrup... but I've only taken 3 doses and I already smell like maple syrup!! Either that, or I'm covered in actual maple syrup from bussing tables.

Luca has slept a 4 hour stretch every night for about a week. It's amazing. Last night, he only woke up TWICE!! It has been so great (and well-timed). Today I felt a TOOTH cutting in on the bottom left. So excited about that!! He looks so long and lean, and he feels very skinny to me. He's definitely not a chubby baby anymore, he looks like a big boy. Working has been good for me... I'm physically exhausted but mentally a lot firmer. There's no time to think about anything but work, at work, so it gives me a break from all the obsessive anxious thought wheels spinning in my head.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

working mother

I got a job. I start tomorrow morning. I'm waiting tables. Yes, that's right, the Queen of Klutz is going to be carrying those big trays and NOT DROPPING THEM. I can't think of a more exhausting job, but they were hiring and I need income.

Luca is pulling himself up to standing, now. He is so cute I'm afraid he might explode.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Dream

Last night I dreamt that I left Luca sleeping in a hotel room, and went to hang out at the beach with a friend. But before we got out to the lobby, I panicked and ran back upstairs, trying to find the room I left him in because I realized Ash was sleeping somewhere else and wouldn't hear him cry. I thought he must have been crying for hours, and could hear him in the distance but could not find him. I kept climbing carpeted stairs on my hands and knees, and the stairs kept getting steeper and smaller and tighter, until they resembled a cat scratcher with multi-levels that I was climbing like a ladder. I reached the top, several stories up and right next to the ceiling.... and there was Emmy, laying there with her eyes closed.

Friday, March 9, 2012

super highs and super lows

I feel like I'm on the baby spectrum- only super highs and super lows. Luca is either in hysterical laughter, in hysterical tears, or transitioning between the two very quickly. I feel the same way.

I didn't take my vitamin D this morning, and I swear I felt SO much better after taking it this afternoon. I was fighting off a panic attack because I realized I need to get a job, fast. And I have no idea how this is possible, since nobody is hiring and I have never left Luca for more than an hour. Then I accidentally gave my name, phone number, an email address to a scam website because I was looking for info on food stamps. And it really made me angry that people were targeting me like that, in a moment of desperation. And now I'm geting spam text messages and calls that I can't block because my phone is a piece of crap and I can't ever figure out how to change anything or alter any settings!!

To qualify for food stamps, you have to have less than a certain amount in your bank account ($2000)... so basically they make you choose between buying food and ever saving any money. Talk about a poverty trap. You buy food with your savings until they are drained, then you get on food stamps until your savings reach a certain level, then you drain them again to buy food.... I keep calling the WIC office and nobody ever answers.

ITS GETTING WARMER! We took a nap OUTSIDE on a blanket in the grass... best thing ever.

family nap

7 months

7 months

 6.5 months

bath time!

7 months

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Acupuncture: round 3

Had some KILLER points during acupuncture yesterday. The one that hurt the most was in my ear, a point that "settles the mind". I felt WONDERFUL for a couple of hours afterward.

Feeling good today... went for a walk with Luca. As it gets warmer, our neighborhood is really showing its personality. It's so much better being happy all the time. It makes me sad, because I barely remember the last 6 months, I was in such a fog. I feel like I have missed out on Luca's babyhood, since I wasn't fully there, mentally. It feels nice to hear him cry and not have to fend off a panic attack. It feels nice to wake up, still very tired, but not so exhausted that I have to will my limbs to move at all. It feels nice to see my husband do one of those little-annoying-things and just smile to myself, rather than silently fume and obsess.

Luca only woke up 3 times last night, which is lucky because Ash woke up with a sore throat, and I can let him sleep in.

I took Luca to The Regulator to look at some books, yesterday. A new big color picture book called "Tiny Homes: Simple Shelter" was there, and I got SO inspired looking through it that I sat down (giving Luca a toy) and sketched down some great ideas. To build without proving structural integrity your building has to be 12'X12' or smaller, and I was struggling imagining living in a place that small. But this book showed how it could be done (tip no. 1: outdoor kitchen! tip no. 2: bath house!).

Nutritionist said my diet doesn't have enough variety, carbohydrates, or FLAVOR! I guess I would eat more if my food actually tasted good, eh? I'm looking up some recipes right now, for tomato-less barbecue sauce and marinara sauce. A good meat sauce over some quinoa pasta sounds DELICIOUS.

Neil deGrasse Tyson is coming to UNC and I can't go because I have a baby :( Eh. Fair trade. ;)

Edit: HE IS CRAWLING BACKWARD!! I swear he learned it from Leo the other day, because he was doing nothing resembling crawling until after their play date.

I just realized that my DMER is gone. Breastfeeding only feels warm, fuzzy, happy, etc now. Oh it's so wonderful!!

Tonights tasty dinner adventure: white fish on corn tortillas with fruit salsa (mango, pineapple, cilantro, onions, salt, pepper), rice cheese (thought I'd give it a try...), and lettuce.