Monday, October 29, 2012

On Nudity

I have been advised several times, usually from people older and wiser than me, to remove the images of Luca on the internet in which he is fully or partially naked. I would like to explain why I will not be taking them down. This is a decision my husband and I share, and it is the choice we have made for our family. We do not judge others who make different choices for their families, and we recognize that others may have different values.

Of course we are aware that our opinions and beliefs matter little in the eyes of the legal system. But the legal system draws a fairly clear line between what is considered child pornography and what is considered perfectly innocent pictures of babies taking baths. There is little precedent for anyone (concerned neighbors, family members, etc) successfully charging parents with child pornography if the images in question have no sexual undertones and if the taking of the picture does not involve abuse or some other danger to the child. Of course we would never, ever, EVER do such a thing to Luca and if we ever knew someone to place their child in such a situation, we would be leading the charge against them along with the rest of you.

Given that we are not doing anything to incite legitimate legal action against us, Ash and I feel free to act according to our beliefs, which are as follows: We firmly believe that there is nothing wrong, shameful, or automatically sexual about the naked human body, and that this is especially true for children. We enjoy being naked whenever the weather allows it. We feel that censoring a child's naked body tells a child (and everyone else) that the child is responsible for the thoughts and actions of OTHERS. This is the same logic that legitimizes rape by saying that women who expose their faces, ankles, shoulders, etc., are "asking for it".

I believe it is wrong to sexualize children. If you require a 3 year old girl to wear a bathing suit top at the pool, I call that sexualization of children, because a 3 year old has no "breasts" to cover and ought not to be ashamed of herself. Now, with a top on, she has imagined breasts that are "covered", and she gets the sense that there is something "wrong" with them being shown.

When you ask a breastfeeding woman to go to the bathroom or cover herself up, you are asking her to take responsibility for the thoughts and actions of others. She is just feeding her baby. By covering it up, you imply there is something shameful going on, when in reality it is the thoughts of others that may be shameful. This has been happening to women for thousands of years, and I won't let it happen to my son.

It is not the responsibility of the individual to try and live their life to accomodate the lowest common denominator in society. I am not going to walk around assuming everyone is evaluating my rape-ability, I'm going to wear what make me comfortable. It is everyone else's job not to rape me. If a married man looks down my low-cut shirt, that's his problem and not mine. There is nothing about the human body that requires "LOOK AT ME AND LUST AFTER ME SEXUALLY", that's a choice we all make according to what our culture has taught us.

90% of the time, my child is naked. I'm not going to censor the fact just because a pedophile might be using the photo to their advantage. That's the pedophile's problem, not mine or my child's. It is their decision, and it's a decision that hurts only themselves. I'm not going to sit around imagining all the terrible things people might be thinking or doing because of the way me or my child is dressed. Attempting to remove the object of a crime does not make the crime go away or even necessarily reduce it; just look at how well the war on drugs is going.

Our society over-sexualizes women and children. I refuse to participate in that culture, by censoring my body when breastfeeding, or by censoring my child's body while he innocently runs across the driveway. It's important to me that my son views clothing as a convenience, a practical solution to natural problems, and a personal choice for self-expression and cultural participation... but NOT as a requirement for being a good person or as a way to prevent evil in the world from affecting him. The evil and suffering is going to exist, regardless of what you wear. There is no need to carry shame around because others are making poor choices in their interactions with you, or with the images of you.

When my son is old enough to talk, if he expresses to me that he wants the photos taken down, I will respect his wishes. He is the master of his own body, and nobody else can tell him what he is or is not comfortable with, or whether he should or should not be ashamed of himself. The best I can do is set an example of my own values, and make sure he knows that I love him no matter who he becomes or what he believes.... and teach him that the thoughts and actions of others are the responsibility of no one but themselves.

naked play

Thursday, October 18, 2012

It's been a while...

Luca's second year of life is starting out great. Fall is here, our favorite season. Luca wakes up each morning and points to the record player, grunting and whining until we put on music. Some of his favorite records are Led Zeppelin's Houses of the Holy, The Beatles' Revolver, Chopin Polonnaises, Handel's Water Music...

After a month of terrible teething symptoms with a major sleep regression (back to waking crying every two hours), Luca has THREE new teeth cutting through (one being a molar!!).

He loves waving and saying "bye", saying "boom" when he throws things, and pointing to various facial features while we say their names (or finding face parts when we ask him). He is getting pretty good at using a fork and spoon. He loves giving kisses to family members and to his special friends, Danielle and Leo. Every morning I wake up to him looking at my face or giving me a big wet kiss!

Speaking of Danielle, she has taken some great pictures of Luca lately. My camera is broken and has been for several months, meaning the only photos I have are from the iPhone. Leo and Luca have lots of play dates together, for fun or for building houses.

They did this all by themselves:
Luca and Leo by Danielle Ackley
Photo by Danielle.

This is the Luca we know!
Luca by Danielle Ackley
Photo by Danielle.

Luca and Leo by Danielle Ackley
Photo by Danielle.

Luca by Danielle Ackley
Photo by Danielle.

Luca eating black beans from Elmo's, his favorite food:
Luca eating beans for breakfast

Luca's first pumpkin! Though it's his second Halloween.
luca's first pumpkin

The first Halloween, he was too little to do anything. This year, we plan to take him to HallowEno, at the Eno River!

Brushing his teeth:
luca brushing his teeth

Luca loves looking at himself in the iPhone.

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