tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29618837044420992622024-03-13T13:19:27.287-07:00Creating ConsciousnessGiovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.comBlogger177125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-90785075234147558162019-09-18T14:51:00.002-07:002019-11-18T06:18:34.287-08:00My favorite recipes, and how I meal plan<b>Each Saturday/Sunday, I do this:</b><br />
<ol>
<li>I go shopping in my fridge and pantry FIRST to see what needs to be eaten. Based on that, I pick my three meals to make. </li>
<li>I shop for the remaining ingredients for those three meals. Normally this means whipping out my phone and ordering from the Wal Mart grocery app, so I can pick my order up on the way home from church. This is also a great way to stay on budget as it adds up the total as you go!</li>
<li>I bake things so I can grab goodies on the way to work to eat for breakfast. I will also prepare 5 boiled eggs in the instant pot, so I have one each morning to go with my treat.</li>
<li>I make ahead all of my son's school lunches for the week. </li>
</ol>
<div>
The goal is to stay on budget and have ZERO THINKING OR PREPPING during the workweek when I'm too overwhelmed to do either. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>I choose three of these meals:</b><br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.number-2-pencil.com/instant-pot-pressure-cooker-ramen-soup-8/"><b>Instant Pot Ramen</b> </a> </li>
<ul>
<li>I have made it without the whole raw chicken, reduced the cook time, and just added a shredded rotisserie chicken at the end.</li>
</ul>
<li><b><a href="https://minimalistbaker.com/15-minute-miso-soup-with-greens-and-tofu/">Miso</a> </b>with <a href="https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/oven-baked-salmon-recipe-1911951"><b>salmon</b></a> and <a href="https://greenhealthycooking.com/instant-pot-rice/"><b>rice</b></a> </li>
<ul>
<li>I often wrap the salmon and rice in seaweed with carrots to make sushi wraps!</li>
</ul>
<li><a href="https://corporate.publix.com/retail/recipes-planning/aprons-recipes/spicy-peanut-chicken-with-sweet-potatoes-and-zoodles"><b>Peanut Zoodles</b> </a>with chicken </li>
<ul>
<li>I skip the chili sauce and use paprika; and I don't like bell pepper so I skip that as well.</li>
</ul>
<li><a href="https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/simple-chicken-enchiladas/"><b>Enchiladas</b></a> </li>
<ul>
<li>I never have enchilada sauce or cream cheese. Tastes great with just salsa and shredded cheese. Publix has awesome GF wraps. </li>
</ul>
<li><a href="https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/24509/grandmas-famous-salmon-cakes/"><b>Salmon cakes</b></a> with <a href="https://sugarspunrun.com/easy-homemade-biscuits/"><b>biscuits</b></a>, eggs, and cooked greens. </li>
<ul>
<li>Sometimes I do boxed cornbread instead.</li>
</ul>
<li><b><a href="https://www.5dollardinners.com/keto-sloppy-joes/">Sloppy Joes</a> </b>with green beans </li>
<ul>
<li>I don't add any sugar or jalapenos. I use 1 tsp of onion powder because I hate chopping onions.</li>
</ul>
<li><a href="https://kalynskitchen.com/instant-pot-split-pea-soup-with-ham-and/"><b>Split Pea Ham Soup</b></a> </li>
<ul>
<li>You can use carrots instead of sweet potatoes; I never add bay leaves.</li>
</ul>
<li><b><a href="https://www.ditchthecarbs.com/lchf-spinach-and-feta-pie/">Spinach feta quiche</a></b></li>
<ul>
<li>Amazing GF crust recipe! I have substituted sour cream and cottage cheese for the cream cheese.</li>
</ul>
<li><b><a href="https://www.theseoldcookbooks.com/salmon-quiche/">Salmon Quiche</a> </b></li>
<ul>
<li>I use the GF crust option from the recipe above. I have substituted sour cream and cottage cheese for the cream.</li>
</ul>
<li><b><u><a href="https://lexiscleankitchen.com/fluffy-paleo-pancakes/">Paleo Pancakes</a></u></b> with bacon</li>
<ul>
<li>I like to pour them on a cookie sheet and bake them. I hate standing there flipping pancakes.</li>
</ul>
<li>Sometimes we make homemade <a href="https://www.tasteandtellblog.com/homemade-pizza-dough-recipe/"><b>pizza</b></a> as a special treat. I make GF <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b62LPSKlTUQ"><b>flatbread</b></a> for myself when we do.</li>
</ul>
If my spouse is unavailable to cook half of the nights, I cook double or triple on Mon/Wed/Fri, so I don't have to cook dinner every night. On the 7th night, that's the only meal we eat out.<br />
The leftovers from each meal are also what I take to work for lunch.<br />
<div>
<br />
<div>
<br />
<b>I pick one of these gluten-free baked goods to make every weekend:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Easiest <a href="https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/11352/three-ingredient-peanut-butter-cookies/"><b>peanut butter cookies</b></a> EVER!</li>
<li>Peanut butter <a href="https://tiphero.com/gf-peanut-butter-banana-muffins"><b>muffins</b></a><b> </b>(no sugar)</li>
<li><a href="https://simple-veganista.com/chocolate-chip-banana-bread-bites/"><b>Banana Oat Bites</b></a> (no sugar) </li>
<li><a href="https://foodal.com/recipes/desserts/gluten-free-soft-ginger-cookies/"><b>Ginger cookies</b></a> (I make them with almond and coconut flour for more protein/fat)</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>For my 8-year-old:</b><br />
<br />
Each day at school he eats:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>A peanut butter sandwich on whole-wheat bread</li>
<li>A Larabar or a pack of whole-wheat cheese crackers</li>
<li>A small serving of cheese popcorn, corn chips, or cheese puffs</li>
</ul>
I don't pack anything that needs to stay cold because it's just too much work. I keep grapes, apples, or bananas around at home since those are the only fruits he will eat. He will not eat any vegetables.<br />
<br />
I also always keep whole milk and Cheerios around. Because that is the greatest meal of all time and my ultimate comfort food. I eat low FODMAP, so I buy lactose-free milk for myself.<br />
<br />
<b>Roundup:</b><br />
<br />
We spend $100 per week on groceries, plus $25 per week on eating out. So that's $500/month total on food. I buy $50 worth to make my meals, and my husband buys $50 worth to make his meals.<br />
<br />
That budget includes other consumables too, like vitamins, shampoo, conditioner, soap, trash bags, and dishwashing detergent. Though sometimes we go over budget to get those things, we try to go without them or use them sparingly. For example, my dish soap lasts forever because I water it down in a spray bottle. We reduce our waste so we don't fill up too many trash bags. We don't use paper towels unless we're cleaning up super gross things (pee or poop). <br />
<br />
Sometimes we eat only pantry and freezer food for few days, so we can stock up on those non-food items that we need, without going over budget.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A yearly tradition: a Halloween feast with recipes from the Harry Potter cookbook!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't always dress up for dinner, but when I do...</td></tr>
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Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-10656189156488121952017-07-06T13:53:00.003-07:002017-07-10T10:17:31.209-07:00Yearning For Another; Being Happy As Things Are<div style="text-align: center;">
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<br />
Well, it happened. My son is about to turn 6 years old, and I finally got enough space from the nightmare of postpartum depression that I want to have another child. Part of it is the biological clock ticking. I just turned 29 this week. I always planned on stopping having children at 30, but as I approach it I'm coming to realize that I'm still not quite ready, and probably won't be for another 5-6 years. Following my predictable pattern of torturing-myself-about-things-I-want-that-I-can't-have-right-now, I have been having a hard time with this. Ash is going back to school this fall. His current plan is to complete his bachelor's at UNCA and then apply for graduate school (Doctor of Physical Therapy).<br />
<br />
This will take 5 years total if everything goes according to plan. After that he will get a job and I will be released as the sole breadwinner. Until then, I am the sole breadwinner. We cannot afford to pay for childcare on my salary alone. At all. Unless we cut EVERYTHING including leaving the house ever, which I don't think is a healthy, sustainable option. So that means I have to wait. I have to wait at least 5 whole years to have another baby. I have to wait until I'm pushing 35. I have to wait until my husband can work full time. I have to wait until there's a 10 year age gap between my kids.<br />
<br />
Anything worth having in life is worth waiting for and worth working for. But that doesn't change how much it hurts. So, I decided to share with you my inner dialogue; I'm hoping it can help those of you who are in a similar place:<br />
<br />
<i>I want to have a baby. More than anything else.</i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Ok, so have one! </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Well... it's more complicated than that. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Why? If you want it literally more than anything else, it should be easy to sacrifice anything to get it. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Ok. I guess I want some things more than I want a baby. Or rather, I <u>need</u> some things more than I <u>want</u> a baby. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <i>I need to be mentally healthy and free from anxiety and depression. I need a healthy marriage. I need that <u>much</u> more than I need another child... and especially if I do have another one. </i><br />
<b><br /></b> <b>Can you have those two things AND have a baby right now?</b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>I'm not sure. </i><br />
<br />
<b>Ok, let's think through it. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i> Oh, um... ok. Well, I have a full-time job and I can't leave it. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>You can go on maternity leave. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>OK. Well, I live in the United States, so it's going to be unpaid leave beyond 6 weeks. So I'd need to find childcare full time after that. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Alright. How much does childcare cost in your area? </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>*Looks it up* Holy burrito! That ain't gonna work. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Ok. What about family or friends who could do it for less? </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>*Puzzles, asks, schemes* Nope. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>What if you worked from home for a couple of months after the baby was born?</b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>That's possible, but I work in support so I need to be able to answer the phones. I can't imagine nursing and caring for a baby while home alone AND working full-time hours, including phone calls where the baby would be miraculously quiet. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Ok. What about an in-home care situation? Isn't that much cheaper? </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>*Asks locals* Wow! Yes, much cheaper. Like half the price. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Ok. Can <u>that</u> price fit into your budget?</b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>*Calculates*. Uh, yes but just barely. I mean... not realistically. Only if we have zero unexpected expenses and have no car trouble and stopped saving for retirement. Bummer. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Can Ash take a break from school to stay home with the baby? </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>*Talks to Ash at length* No. He is really eager to finish his degree as soon as possible since he's already in his 30's. We can't go much longer as a one-income family and he needs to get done and get a job, pronto. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <i>And he made another good point, which is that part of what caused the PPD last time was having the bread winner responsibility AND being the sleep-deprived mommy. That wouldn't go away if he was a stay-at-home parent. I would be up all night with the baby and then back at work each morning. The stress of that would make preserving mental health really difficult. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <i>When I think about finding outside care for a 6-week-old baby, I feel immense heartbreak. That does not sound like what I want at all. I don't think I can do that. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Bummer. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Ok, so I wait until Ash is done with school. ... so Luca will be 10 years old when he finally gets a sibling? They will be practically part of different generations. Will they have anything in common? Will they even know each other? </i><br />
<br />
<b>You can't know the answers to those questions. It will be different from what you grew up with, in good and bad ways that you cannot possibly know until you're living it. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>*Talks with Ash* Ash is an only child and he says he would rather have a sibling ten years younger than him than have no sibling at all. Ok. That's a convincing argument. Alright! So, what to do for the next 5 years? Well... I can make sure Luca and his cousin Redford (and his new cousin Moishe inherited through marriage) all know and love each other and grow up being close. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>That sounds great! </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Yes, it does. And I can use all my time and energy for things I could not do if I had a baby. I can help others I know who have babies. I can be creative and start all those sewing projects I want to do. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Yeah! Take a quilting class! Compose music! Go see live theater! </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>YEAH! Also, I've been gaining weight lately so I'd like to get back on track with diet and exercise. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Man, that's so important. It's important now for your quality of life, and it's especially important if you're going to have a baby or two as a woman 35+. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Ah yes. Because of the increased risk, and the lack of possibility for another home birth in this area, I'd like to be as healthy as humanly possible if I get pregnant again. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>OK. Get to work. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>OK! I'm going to use the next 5 years to become the best possible me, so I can be a healthy, happy, financially responsible parent to my children. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>THAT'S THE SPIRIT! </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Oh no. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>...what? </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>What if five years comes and something has happened? What if I have health problems and the window for baby-having has closed? What if Ash changes his mind and doesn't want to have a baby? What if he has trouble finding a job that pays well? What if I hate being a stay at home mom? What if I hate being a working mom again? What if I... </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Stop. You're "What ifing". It's good to be prepared for the future, but the future is literally full of INFINITE possibilities. You can't possibly prepare for all of them, so stop trying. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>But what if these next couple of years are my last chance to get what I really want more than anything else? What if I blow this opportunity trying to have my cake and eat it too? Am I being stupid by waiting and possibly missing my chance?</i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>You don't know that it's your last chance. What if your house burns down and you get cancer and WWIII breaks out? You. Can't. Control. Everything. Life throws things at you and you just DEAL with them, because you have no other choice. You've already decided that having a baby now is NOT what you want more than anything, because what you really want more than anything is to not get PPD again. Waiting 5 years is actually your best chance at creating the circumstances in which having a baby would be different than it was last time. Less hellish. More enjoyable. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Right. My goal isn't just to be a mother again... it's to be a <u>good</u> mother. I wouldn't want to do it again if it was like last time. I want to be a GREAT mother who loves her children and enjoys having a baby. And to give myself the best chance at that, I need to wait. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Right. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Right. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <i>...but.... </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>*Facepalm* what now?</b><br />
<br />
<i>If I accidentally got pregnant right now, we could deal with it. We could make it work. We would have to make it work, and so we would. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>True. You would spend the next 5 years doing your best to survive new parenthood while also working full time. You would love your child but have to leave them 5 days per week. Things would be so tight financially that you would be unprepared for emergencies. Your kids would love each other and you would love them. You would not have a spare dime to spend on physical therapy, couples therapy, or a babysitter so you would have to cross your fingers that you wouldn't need help. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Yeah. That really does not sound super great. I could do it if I had to, but it seems really stupid to choose it on purpose. It's one thing to have stress thrust upon you, it's quite another to do something so stressful on purpose. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>It wouldn't be the most responsible choice. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Yes. It would be like last time... I had a baby because I wanted one, and I was not ready in so many ways. To be a great mother, I need to make the choices that are best for my existing children and future children. That would include not trying to have a baby right now. It would be a bit selfish to get pregnant right now only because I want it, without any thought to what kind of quality of life we would all have. I think it's much more responsible to prioritize my mental health first and having a baby second. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>I think so. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>I think so too. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <i>Ok. So, the next 5 years... get in great shape. Build healthy eating habits. Be creative and use my excess energy. And if five years come and the stars don't align... I've got my husband and my son and my creative pursuits. Not the same as having <u>two</u> beautiful children, but still a wonderful and amazing life full of things to be extremely grateful for. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>Nice. Add that to your list of things to accomplish in the next 5 years. Be grateful for what you have. Let your gratitude live alongside your desires for the future. Let it be stronger than anything else.</b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Yeah. I know that when I'm experiencing gratitude for what I have, life is really really good. Even when I don't have what I want. Even sometimes when I don't have what I <u>need</u>! So no matter what happens, I need to make that a priority. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <i>Being grateful for what I have is not denying that I want something else. It's just choosing to be happy <u>while</u> I want something else. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>I think that would be wise.</b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>I think so too. I kind of feel like I'm going all in on a poker game. I either win it all or I leave empty handed. If everything is good to go in five years I get exactly what I want... and if not, the window has closed so I can't even have a consolation-prize version of what I want. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>But it's not really like that... by waiting, you're making it possible to have what you TRULY want. And if you don't get it, you also get to walk away from the poker table with an arm full of chips. You win either way. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>That's true. I certainly wouldn't call my life now "walking away empty handed". My life is full and wonderful. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>That's how gratitude works. Even when you don't get what you want, you feel full. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <i>Wow. That's really nice. </i><br />
<i><br /></i> <b>And nobody can ever take that from you. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> <b><br /></b>
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<br />Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-72335843334111553422016-08-24T10:40:00.002-07:002016-08-24T10:42:53.569-07:00Everything is back on track... except my stupid brain.Last year was a rift in the time stream. We jumped into alternate realities for a little while. I feel like a whole year disappeared... like I was 17 again and I went away to summer camp and I just got back. A little disorientation, a lot of pain, and a lot of growth for everyone. Somehow, Trump became a major presidential nominee in the process, so I'm sorry for the disturbance of space time that might have caused this. Ash and I are back on track, having bought a beautiful home together. Luca starts at an amazing new school soon. We got a cat.<br />
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Despite all of these wonderful things, I've been giving myself a really hard time lately. Mostly about financial stuff. We're doing ok. We're breaking even and we've got a small nest egg for emergencies. But I want to be able to give my kid everything. I want to be able to pay for him to go to college in cash, like my parents did for me. I want to be able to retire and live above the poverty line. I want to triple my charitable giving. But all of the pressure that I put on myself is diminishing my quality of life right now. And there is so much to enjoy and be thankful for. I know I will look back on this time one day and wish I had slowed down and enjoyed it, instedly of constantly asking what I can do to make it better.
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I am an overachiever, whose achievements are truncated by the very anxiety that propels me forward. I'm hitting the gas pedal and the breaks at the same time, and I'm almost out of gas, and I'm yelling at the poor car to go faster.<br />
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I've stopped exercising and I've stopped making sure I prioritize sleep. Those two things alone are enough, but I also started drinking coffee (which has always made me feel terrible). I know exactly what I need to do. Now, I just have to love myself enough to do it.<br />
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<br />Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-78093497034015325482015-10-02T14:28:00.001-07:002019-09-18T07:40:35.836-07:00Summer 2015: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...<h2>
This was the best and worst summer of my life so far.</h2>
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The amount of pain, change, confusion, and clarity has been staggering.<br />
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Opening up to the impermanence of life has been enormously freeing. Without false hope and attachment and fear of change, life is a whole hell of a lot better. To the point where, for the first time in my life, <i>I am experiencing zero mental illness</i>. I didn't think that would ever be possible. Just a little over three years ago, I was standing on a bridge over 147, wondering how long my baby would survive if I jumped and left his stroller in the shade. I thought, maybe I'll wait until he's old enough to hold a sippy cup, so he won't get dehydrated. That's when I got help.<br />
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Since moving to Asheville, I've continued to be a warrior on a self help quest. I've started doing Ashtanga yoga at least three days per week. On Saturdays, I go to Contact Improv and on Sundays, I go to Ecstatic Dance Church. I dance and cuddle and breathe and sweat my crazy out.<br />
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I also get a lot of love from a lot of incredible new people in my life. My network of meaningful relationships has doubled. No, tripled! I went from feeling incredibly lonely and isolated to having multiple things on my calendar every day. The abundance of life is overwhelming. I almost forget I'm sad, sometimes.<br />
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Alyssa and Redford moved in with Luca and I. We have an incredible little family together. The boys love each other so much, it's almost too much for my heart to bear to witness. And having two sister wives (HA!) raising two kids feels balanced and nourishing. I love my job. I love the mountains.<br />
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<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="//embedr.flickr.com/assets/client-code.js"></script>Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-72497993169359225352015-04-09T20:50:00.002-07:002015-04-22T10:31:36.424-07:00What's it like being a social sciences major?So, a lot of people don't even know what the social sciences are or what people study in that field, and that's a real shame! Some people even go as far as thinking nobody does ANYTHING in those departments, just because nobody makes TV shows about those kinds of jobs. But I can assure you potential college majors in the social sciences (and the parents of these students) that there is some really fascinating and important work being done in these fields.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/17235731091" title="cartoon,culture,funny,true,women-156d1ae8b8b3955bb28c2454210e38b2_h by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="cartoon,culture,funny,true,women-156d1ae8b8b3955bb28c2454210e38b2_h" height="383" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8735/17235731091_b4e0dcce7c.jpg" width="500" /></a></div>
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On the first day of Anth 101, many students are told that we "make the strange familiar, and the familiar strange." But what the heck does that mean, exactly??
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Just take a look at some of these paper titles of an undergrad at UNC Asheville, who majored in Sociology with a concentration in Anthropology. I'm sure it will be clear as day what kinds of insights are gained through this work, once you get a sense for the ground that is covered:
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/17068705736" title="2015-02-28 13.12.03 by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="2015-02-28 13.12.03" height="375" src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7584/17068705736_fdcdf67e45.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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So there you have it. I'm sure you now have a much better idea now of why we social science students spend hours and hours pouring over books that have titles that make absolutely no sense until you read the entire thing.... or why we are comparing notes on what our professors said last week in lecture and still scratching our heads, even though we don't have to do a lot of math or anything.<br />
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Every lecture we leave the building either feeling like:<br />
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16616079363" title="resized_all-the-things-meme-generator-understand-all-the-things-cc4589 by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="resized_all-the-things-meme-generator-understand-all-the-things-cc4589" height="240" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8750/16616079363_d0921750d9_n.jpg" width="320" /></a>
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... or feeling like:<br />
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/17236286935" title="everything-i-know-is-a-lie by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="everything-i-know-is-a-lie" height="319" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8779/17236286935_c812a760a2_n.jpg" width="320" /></a>
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And even sometimes like this:<br />
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And forgive us if all of your conversations with us end like this:
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We ponder about the patrilineal patriarchy and its preposterousness!
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We contemplate the acculturation of cultural relativism!
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We think about the legitimacy of linguistic lineages!
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We study animism and its assimilations through archeological accumulations!
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We diagnose differential access and the discrimination that dictates its dispersal!
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That's what we do, in the social sciences.Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-26021082960592447302015-01-03T15:25:00.001-08:002015-01-03T15:28:58.898-08:00Is YOUR relationship healthy?There is plenty of research out there on what is an ideal, healthy relationship. There is plenty of information available on what is an unhealthy relationship, as well. But, in the real world full of gray areas and ambiguity, what does an actual, happy relationship look like? I know hardly any people who fit neatly into either of those two extremes of "bad" or "good" partnerships.<br />
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I hear all kinds of things that seem contradictory:<br />
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"Couples who are happy rarely ever fight!"<br />
"It's normal and healthy for couples to fight!"<br />
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"Happy couples know each other because they talk all the time!"<br />
"Couples who are happy know what the other is thinking without having to say it!"<br />
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"Opposites attract!"<br />
"Happy couples are a lot alike!"<br />
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So, I was curious. I got curious enough to make a survey and ask my Facebook friends to tell me what their happy relationships are really, actually like. Most of my sample is therefore white and middle class, but as a fellow white-middle-class-er, I'm mostly interested in my own culture's perceptions of partnership satisfaction (at this point).<br />
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I asked participants to self select based on only two criteria: the relationship must have lasted at least 2 years, and they must consider it to be a "healthy" relationship. I asked for at least two years of time together, because I wanted to get only couples who were out of the honeymoon phase. I also hoped to end up with only couples who had lived together for some time, though I didn't ask that.<br />
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The questions were thought up by me. Most were based on what I personally think is an indicator for a healthy relationship, though some were thrown in because OTHER people told me they were supposed to be indicators, and I wanted to see if they were right.<br />
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<u> <b>General Feelings About The Relationship:</b></u></div>
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Wow!! 75% of happy couples are thinking about how great their relationship is MULTIPLE times per week. That means their relationship is likely on their mind a lot in general. This makes sense, because you'd expect it to be a priority in their lives if it's doing well.<br />
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93% of happy couples only worry about the status of their relationship a couple of times per year, or less. That seems really high to me. But hey, I didn't say you'd get eaten by a dragon if you lied, so there's that.
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We can conclude from this that it may be a red flag if you often think that things aren't going well in your relationship.
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This may seem obvious, but think about it: if you're in an unhealthy relationship and are thinking to yourself several times per week that things aren't going as well as you'd like... and you ALSO think that this is NORMAL and EVERYONE feels this way, this frequently.... you might not accurately assess your own relationship, and you might fail to work on important things (or you might continue with a relationship that is clearly not working out).
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Half of happy couples almost never have "bad" fights. The ones who do only have a couple every year... with a few spitfires seeming to marry other spitfires, over in the monthly category ;)
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This is a big one. People often say that fighting is normal, and it is. But, just because something is normal... does that make it ok? And what exactly is <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201306/beware-mistaken-marriage-advice-all-couples-fight">"fighting"</a> anyways? If most couples are NOT happy, then who cares how often the average couple is fighting? My happy couples seem to be pretty mild mannered.<br />
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And what about those disagreements that DON'T go nuclear, but DO get addressed? Well, my survey seems to say that disagreements are certainly frequent enough. But they're not every day, and usually not even every week, for most happy couples.<br />
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The research says <a href="http://lifehacker.com/this-infographic-reveals-the-secrets-of-the-happiest-co-1518305669">happy couples have five good interactions for every negative one</a> (that seems low to me, but compared to couples headed for divorce who have one bad for every one good... sounds pretty good!).
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><b>Getting The Good Stuff:</b></u>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16186760321" title="header by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="header" height="77" src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7576/16186760321_24867aa398.jpg" width="500" /></a>
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16001314600" title="5 affection by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="5 affection" height="106" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8610/16001314600_3aa1709b12.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div>
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How often are happy couples affectionate with each other? ALL THE DAMN TIME.</div>
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There's already plenty of <a href="http://lifehacker.com/this-infographic-reveals-the-secrets-of-the-happiest-co-1518305669">polling on sex</a>, so I didn't include it in mine. Happy couples have sex on average 2-3 times per week, and all couples have sex on average of 1-2 times per week. But, those surveys don't ask if it's GOOD sex, so I'm wondering... if these couples REALLY enjoy each other's physical company, they'd be voluntarily doing stuff that is not The Sex, right? Right. So keep touching each other, you naughty monkeys. </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><b>Communication:
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</u></div>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16186760321" title="header by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="header" height="77" src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7576/16186760321_24867aa398.jpg" width="500" /></a>
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/15566252964" title="6 finances by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="6 finances" height="116" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8610/15566252964_586064b585.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Conclusion? Happy couples talk about finances regularly.... and they rarely disagree about it. I think this gets filed under basic compatibility. If you don't have the same ideas about finances, your day-to-day life is going to be pretty rough as you try to come to compromises constantly, or if you're under stress because one spouse is bad with money, etc.
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But what about raising kids? Arguably the most stressful job of all time?</div>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16186760361" title="7 child rearing by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="7 child rearing" height="351" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8623/16186760361_4beb9b8d0d.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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Happy couples talk about child-rearing regularly. 79% of them almost never disagree about it, or only fight about it a couple of times per year. That's funny, because <a href="http://lifehacker.com/this-infographic-reveals-the-secrets-of-the-happiest-co-1518305669">67% of couples say they are less happy together after having kids</a>. (Which is a question I didn't ask- how did having kids affect your relationship?) But that's a poll of ALL couples, not just the ones that identify as happy. So, perhaps raising kids is a lot easier if you've got a strong partner by your side. Makes sense.<br />
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(Don't ask me why the options above are out of order, I'm not sure what happened...)<br />
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Ok, how about talking about your feelings? Love is a feeling. We are with people because we love them, so I assume people talk about those feelings, or they wouldn't have known the other person loved them and then they wouldn't be together. Right? Right.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16186760321" title="header by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="header" height="77" src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7576/16186760321_24867aa398.jpg" width="500" /></a>
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16162820816" title="4 share feelings by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="4 share feelings" height="118" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8592/16162820816_61d0fba615.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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73% of happy couples talk about their emotions at least a few times per week. This is one of those things I hear about a lot, from friends in unhealthy relationships. They have NO idea what the other person is thinking and feeling.<br />
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One thing I forgot to ask with this question is.... who's sharing? Is just one person opening up, or are BOTH people equally open with their thoughts and feelings? I'm assuming that the next question addressed this, at least in part.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><u>Equality</u>:</b>
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My theory is that you need ALL PEOPLE INVOLVED in a relationship to be <i>equally</i> involved, otherwise it's just one person pulling a bolder uphill, while the other person is sitting on top of it saying "Pull harder! I'm pushing as hard as I can back here!"<br />
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And my numbers support my theory.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16002850377" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="8 hard work by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="8 hard work" height="180" src="https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8631/16002850377_f133f50722.jpg" width="500" /></a></div>
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Most happy couples are working equally hard to keep that relationship healthy. Good relationships are hard work! But, it's always worth it when the other person is equally committed. </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><u>DRAMA</u>:
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Drama is when things get.... well, dramatic. You have a couple of real life movie moments, and you find yourself thinking, "who would watch this movie??"
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/16002850357" title="9 drama by G A, on Flickr"><img alt="9 drama" height="372" src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7491/16002850357_45d607c448.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Unsurprisingly, most happy relationships are pretty drama-free. But every once in a while, they may need a good kick in the arse.
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Thank you to the 55 happy couples who contributed (one was me)! And if you're reading this and thinking "Well, shit, I don't think we're quite there yet", then good luck to you on your journey... whether you decide to cut and run or buckle down and give it the ol' college try (just make sure your partner is trying, too!). And I hope these survey results can help point you in the right direction so you know where to concentrate your energy, and so you know what is actually reasonable to expect of your partner and of yourself.</div>
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Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-42504866468087097532014-11-05T18:24:00.001-08:002014-11-05T18:52:23.786-08:00Parenting: It Sucks! And You Can Too. <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/15722836192" title="Photo on 10-23-14 at 8.31 PM by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3947/15722836192_77ba5eb132_n.jpg" width="320" height="213" alt="Photo on 10-23-14 at 8.31 PM"></a>
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He still wakes up at night- this time it's to talk in his sleep ("I don't want to go to school!" "Is that a helicopter?"), or to ask me to hold him, or to try and wiggle from his twin bed into our double bed, or to cough, or to get a drink of water...
</P>
Parenting is a 24/7 job, unless you can afford to pay a sitter. I think that's one thing I'm discovering about myself... that I really don’t like that about parenting, and that’s ok. Hard stuff is hard, and that’s ok. Sleep deprivation is hard in the long-term form, just as it was in the short-term form. But things are always getting better.
</P>
As a member of the "one and done" party (which I’m awfully surprised to be a member of), I am finally ready to admit that kid stuff (and especially little kid stuff) just isn't very fun for me. It was all I knew for a while, so I enjoyed it better than other things I wasn't suited for, but working full time (both outdoors and in an office setting) has really proven to myself that I have nothing to feel guilty about: my skills, personality, and personal challenges just all mesh better with an adult environment.
</P>
Kids games are boring. The songs drive me nuts. I can't wait until Luca is old enough that we can hang out together at film festivals or on camping trips... until then, I'm going to pretend I enjoy all this stuff because I enjoy spending time with him. I'm not going to try and convince myself that to be a good parent, I have to enjoy being a parent all the time more than anything else in my life.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/15535410429" title="Photo on 10-23-14 at 8.30 PM by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3939/15535410429_202ca7a233_n.jpg" width="320" height="213" alt="Photo on 10-23-14 at 8.30 PM"></a>
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Actually, thanks to my part-time parent status due to my full-time job, this stage is the first one I’ve been able to really laugh-out-loud enjoy. Every word that comes out of his mouth is either hilarious, poetry, or screaming. It’s all black and white with him, but it’s oh-so-adorable as well (and a hell of a lot easier to handle in the short pieces I receive it, as a working parent).
</P>
He sings a lot. That’s really great.
</P>
He is 30 lbs now, but I still hike with him on my back in the carrier. He refuses to walk most places. He can’t pedal his tricycle, his legs are too weak. This kid seems to hate exercise as much as I do.
</P>
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/15536449090" title="Photo on 9-14-14 at 7.43 AM by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7549/15536449090_042b8aebfc_n.jpg" width="320" height="213" alt="Photo on 9-14-14 at 7.43 AM"></a>
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Every day when he gets home from school, he gives me an emotional report card: who cried, who laughed, why they cried, who was told to stop by the teacher, who was mad because who took what from whom…. he’s incredibly sensitive and has obviously inherited my emotional empathic abilities (a blessing and a curse!).
</P>
It’s a challenge to be as present as he demands. All children demand mentally and emotionally present parents, but I work half my hours from home, and sometimes have to eat food instead, so he has a hard time understanding. And being aware of my unmet needs, I find it very hard to be patient when he needs me so much. Ash gives me all kinds of parenting advice all the time, which is hilarious because I’m the one that has read 800 parenting books. He can just FEEL the right thing to do. It’s very intuitive for him. He’s a great parent.
</P>
Luca’s class has a soccer lesson every Wednesday, but almost every time I come to pick him up, he’s sitting on the sidelines paying with pieces of grass and paper while his classmates are scoring goals (also gets that from us). He prefers to get his energy out by running as fast as he can from one side of the grocery store to the other *eye roll*.
</P>
He already plays with words. For example, Ash was signing “Velvet Goldmine” and Luca made up a parody called “Velvet Gold-Yours”. He notices little details like that.
</P>
He also corrects us if we aren’t completely literal. If he says “Meow meow!” and I say “Are you a kitty??” he says “No, I’m Luca. I’m just pretending to be a kitty.”
</P>
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/15722836552" title="Photo on 9-1-14 at 4.24 PM #2 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3956/15722836552_0bf181c9d9_n.jpg" width="320" height="213" alt="Photo on 9-1-14 at 4.24 PM #2"></a>
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He likes to talk through inanimate objects, like his stuffed animal Yoda or his halloween pumpkin, when he needs to work through more difficult feelings, like fear. He will tell Yoda all about the monsters he is scared of, and then assure Yoda that monsters are not real. This kid is way more emotionally mature and aware now than I was for all of my young adult life.
</P>
We currently live in a rented 800 square foot town house built in 1968. We miss our little natural house, but feel like this amount of space is just perfect for us. I’m currently trying to work out how we can afford to build something of similar size. We also really like living with people all around us. Everyone here is pretty quiet, there are kids for Luca to play with occasionally, and it feels somehow more safe to know there are hundreds of quiet people everywhere. Maybe that’s just my anxiety talking. I feel like you wouldn’t set a horror movie here, that’s all I’m saying.
</P>
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/15535864018" title="Photo on 9-1-14 at 4.19 PM #2 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3956/15535864018_2600dc4da8_n.jpg" width="320" height="213" alt="Photo on 9-1-14 at 4.19 PM #2"></a>
</P>
My new job is really great still. I like providing support to college students, because I remember how hard it was, and the ways in which I did not get help that would have been useful to me. My coworkers are great, my supervisor is great, and I’m proud of the product we make and how it is a piece of the puzzle in education reform, and the reform of the textbook industry. I like learning about technology as I continually embark on my never-ending quest to figure out how EVERYTHING works on the entire planet.
</P>
Ash is absolutely in love with massage school. He says it’s like summer camp and therapy and hippy school, and he is sad because it’s Wednesday and that means he won’t see his friends until Monday. I have never seen him light up and shine this much. He is so happy! And I get at least one free massage every week, so there’s that too. He is learning so much about anatomy, which means Luca sometimes says random latin words that mean nothing to me, and that’s awesome too.
</P>
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/15722836372" title="Photo on 10-23-14 at 8.27 PM #2 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7509/15722836372_9f126d25ef_n.jpg" width="320" height="213" alt="Photo on 10-23-14 at 8.27 PM #2"></a>
</P>
Being an Aunt is the ABSOLUTE BEST! I get a whole other baby, and I don't have to carry it or feed it or anything. And he's cute. And he SMILES! And he's my Redford. He and Luca get along very well already. Luca likes making him laugh. I feel like, since my depression made me not really "around" when Luca was a baby, I get to actually experience what a baby is really like now. This one cries a lot less. This one needs me a lot less. And it's very healing to be in the presence of a baby and not cringe, panic, or even run away. I often left public places when hearing a baby cry, after Luca was born. My nerves just couldn't take it. It was like a touch of PTSD or something. But Redford's love has been very soothing and has allowed that reflex to back off quite a bit.
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<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/-_JqdxdJ0qo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-6520085916911265512014-08-11T17:48:00.000-07:002014-08-11T17:48:31.105-07:00Seeded Sandals<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14890969992" title="seeded 3 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="seeded 3" height="408" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3906/14890969992_68a29119d0_o.jpg" width="306" /></a><br />
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People have been buying shoes in pre-made sizes for many centuries, and even "mass production" of sorts has been around for a few hundred years (at the rate of one pair of shoes every couple of hours). Back in the 1800's, a pair of shoes cost a day's pay or more ($1, or about $27 in today's money). They were always made of high quality materials like leather. Even if worn to work they would last a couple of years. Sunday shoes would last a decade.
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Nowadays, we have a lot of choice when it comes to our shoes. You can buy a pair of flip-flops from Wal-Mart for $5, which will last you one season if you're lucky. You can buy a pair of sandals for $20 at Pay-Less, which were probably made in the same factory but will maybe last you two seasons due to slightly different materials. Or, you can buy a $400 pair of Prada sandals which will probably last forever... but will likely only last until the Next Big Thing. All of these shoes are likely produced in factories where workers are subject to conditions and paid low wages unimaginable to the majority of the US workforce.
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Price is not always an indicator of quality, and it certainly is not an indicator of the ethics behind the brand.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14704777857" title="seeded 2 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="seeded 2" height="408" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3900/14704777857_d844baef4c_o.jpg" width="306" /></a>
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Our economy is one where wages are kept low enough and prices are kept high enough that most people can't afford anything but the bottom-shelf crap from Wal-mart. I realize that. This post is not for you.
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But if you're one of the many people lucky enough to be reading this on your very own computer, you can probably afford yourself a little 19th century luxury: shoes made by fairly-paid people out of high quality materials.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14891290355" title="seeded by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="seeded" height="408" src="https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5558/14891290355_2fba448b66_o.jpg" width="306" /></a>
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Likely, you have been convinced that "Low low prices!!" are all you can afford, but that's a kind of false scarcity designed to force you buy many pairs of shoes more frequently.
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I am not immune to this. I can't tell you how many times I've been suckered into buying two pair of shoes because it was "Buy one get one free", and neither of them were bearable on my feet for more than an hour or so. Or, if they were, I would eventually come across a documentary or a petition to sign and LO AND BEHOLD there were my shoes causing misery for thousands of real human beings and providing a third Mercedes for another one somewhere else.
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And that's where <a href="http://seededusa.com/">Seeded</a> comes in.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14704585880" title="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.11.33 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.11.33" height="242" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3848/14704585880_282c7de8e2_o.png" width="288" /></a>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14888203451" title="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.10.22 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.10.22" height="242" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3912/14888203451_656725e352_o.png" width="277" /></a>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14891247695" title="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.10.07 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.10.07" height="242" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3911/14891247695_1a284e23d9_o.png" width="288" /></a>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14888204921" title="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.06.13 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.06.13" height="241" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3870/14888204921_59cbee9be6_o.png" width="289" /></a>
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They're made in Tanzania, a place my friends (and founders of this company) have lived in, and whose occupants they have gotten to know intimately. The company is run by locals and is filled with local artisans who hand-sculpt and bead these sandals. The leather comes from nomadic herders, and the beads come from a fair-trade factory in eastern Europe.
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This is actually the first time I have ever worn leather shoes. It feels so amazing. I'm never going back to cheap crap ever again!!
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So do yourself and the rest of the world a favor: invest in a high-quality pair of shoes you can be proud to wear.
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Here is an end-of-summer coupon code for you, readers, good until the end of the month: "august"! This will give you 30% off. <a href="http://seededusa.com/collections/all">They've got many different styles and colors; have fun shopping!</a>
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P.S. I normally wear an 8, and I wear a 9 in these!
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Thanks to Caroline and Tony for being amazing and starting this company.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14868469306" title="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.32.35 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5587/14868469306_9b9de72413_n.jpg" width="320" height="230" alt="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.32.35"></a>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14891446305" title="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.32.17 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5588/14891446305_3aba4ac032_n.jpg" width="320" height="178" alt="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.32.17"></a>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14888398461" title="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.35.14 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3926/14888398461_d445e3bbe4_n.jpg" width="320" height="253" alt="Screenshot 2014-08-11 20.35.14"></a>
<br />Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-89086441734608407672014-08-05T14:02:00.003-07:002014-08-05T16:00:01.415-07:00Checking in with yourselfLet's do an exercise.<br />
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Get out a piece of paper, and write "ME" in the middle. Now, around you, write down the names of major people in your life, and major things or activities in your life (like a job, an illness, a hobby).<br />
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Now, draw arrows going to and from these things. A full arrow means a lot of energy/support is going/coming, and a dotted arrow means a little energy/support is going/coming.<br />
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This is a great exercise to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and you don't know why. It's also a great exercise to do when you know you have to cut SOMETHING in your life, because you just don't have energy for it all, but you can't decide what makes the cut.<br />
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Here is mine for an example:<br />
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14835860241" title="2014-08-05 16.43.08 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-08-05 16.43.08" height="375" src="https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5577/14835860241_4ce6aa25d0.jpg" width="500" /></a><br />
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So if we do the math, we get 4 "incoming" and 5 "outgoing" (I count the dotted arrows as half a point, and the full arrows as a full point). Aha! Now I see why I'm so stressed out. I'm operating at negative 1. There are more things in my life draining me of my energy than supporting my well-being.<br />
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Let's evaluate them one at a time, to see if there's anything we can do about it.<br />
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-Ash and I mutually support each other. Don't want to make any changes there!<br />
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-Luca, while being cute and being my son whom I love, is almost 3 and takes a good bit out of me. I don't think there's any changing that relationship for a while.<br />
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- My parents ask very little of me, maybe a phone call now and then, a few photos of their grandson... but they help me a whole lot. They buy me groceries when they come visit, and they take Luca for a weekend (or a whole week!) so Ash and I can sleep in.<br />
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-Ash's mom sends us money so Luca can go to Montessori school. She provides emotional support for Ash. She asks for very little in return, just a phone call every week, a visit once per year, and regular photo updates of her grandson.<br />
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-My siblings... right now my sister is pregnant, and while I don't help her nearly as much as I want to because I live an hour away, for a while she is going to need more support than she can give. And that's ok. My brothers don't ask anything of me and I don't ask anything of them, right now.<br />
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- Work. I work more than 40 hours per week, but still do not make enough money to pay for everything in my life on my own. There isn't much I can do about that for a while, until I gain more experience. I already have recently upgraded to a job with health insurance, paid time off, and all those lovely luxuries. It's amazing that it's still not enough, but what else can I do??<br />
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So it looks like I'm pretty stuck here. The only option is to add another element... something that takes NOTHING from me, but gives me plenty.<br />
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14816048426" title="2014-08-05 16.56.39 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-08-05 16.56.39" height="375" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3921/14816048426_c7462762c6.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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Maybe there's a free/cheap yoga class? Or a meditation session? Or a few bike rides a week? I have no creative outlets in my life at the moment, in addition to no hobbies and no exercise.<br />
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I'm glad I did this exercise, I was feeling confused about what my life was lacking, being blinded by achieving the short-term goal of obtaining a better job.<br />
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What does YOUR diagram show?<br />
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EDIT: I completely forgot to mention that this exercise is adapted from something I read in a book... but I can't remember which book, because I got it from the library. It might have been this one, but either way, this book has similar ideas and is very helpful:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-through-Anxiety-Chronic-ebook/dp/B005JFB3R0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407279554&sr=8-1&keywords=mindful+way+through+anxiety">The Mindful Way Through Anxiety</a>
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<br />Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-25719669540936091812014-07-09T17:58:00.002-07:002014-11-05T18:56:57.636-08:00Major updates!My last post, in January, was a bit negative.<br />
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But can you blame me? No. Not if you are reading this and you are a parent.<br />
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14429723437" title="2014-07-04 10.41.21 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-04 10.41.21" height="500" src="https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2901/14429723437_c75929e14a.jpg" width="375" /></a>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14429725717" title="2014-07-04 10.41.12 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-04 10.41.12" height="320" src="https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2938/14429725717_2f9b1895e1_n.jpg" width="240" /></a>
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But boy, things have improved! In April, Luca went to stay with his grandparents for almost a full week. ALL BY HIMSELF! Ash and I had a much-needed break, and Luca had the time of his life in the infinite-play-land that is my parent's house. When he came back, he didn't have time to ask to nurse before he fell asleep. The next day he nursed for the last time.<br />
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14613641271" title="Screenshot 2014-07-09 22.21.45 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="Screenshot 2014-07-09 22.21.45" height="290" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3920/14613641271_e82ee9a416_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14614377624" title="march 23 2014 2 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="march 23 2014 2" height="239" src="https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5548/14614377624_2c9b83f5e1_n.jpg" width="320" /></a>
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(Playing at Mamaw and Papaw's! By the way, I blurred the photo because he has started expressing an unwillingness to change his clothes and diaper around others. I consider that a sign of needing some privacy.)
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Shortly thereafter, he decided to start sleeping through the night; and in his own bed too! I am experiencing a deep brain cleansing from finally getting the sleep I need. Combine that with monthly trips back to Mamaw and Papaw's house (which allow me to NAP), and my mood is just all-around better. He still wakes occasionally, like if he's not feeling well or if he is having a growth spurt. But hey, that's life.<br />
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I also just started a job. A new job. A REAL job. The kind with sane hours and fair expectations. The kind with living-wage hourly compensation and health benefits. The kind where you finally get off of government benefits and stop crying about money all the time. We're not rolling in it (heck, I don't even think we're "middle class" just yet) but boy did it take some weight off of my shoulders.<br />
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What's the big deal about having an average desk job, anyways? Can it really be that different from those low-wage jobs that make up the majority of the economy, like in retail and food service?<br />
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Well, I'LL TELL YA!<br />
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1. I don't have to fill out government forms every 3 months anymore. Don't even get me started on the phone calls with social services. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for these social safety nets. But, they don't make it easy to obtain, keep, or keep track of. The amount of our food money was always changing, and it never covered more than half of our food at the maximum level. But, we definitely couldn't have got by without it; even with both of us working.<br />
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2. I get to CHOOSE where Luca goes to the doctor, instead of frantically calling places and begging to get him on their Medicaid wait list. And my husband will have health insurance for the first time in ten years. 10 YEARS! No more LONG ASS WAITS at the community clinics!<br />
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3. I can do things like buy a waffle at a restaurant, or get a haircut, or buy myself a book and not feel EXTREMELY guilty and like I'm risking my entire livelihood. I get to go to the movies more than once per year.<br />
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4. I can do things like make a dentist appointment, because I know what hours I will be working ahead of time. And I can even skip work sometimes to go do stuff I need to do, like go to the dentist or take care of my sick kid, or whatever.<br />
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5. I can go on vacation.<br />
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6. I can have more than 1 or 2 days off per month. Actually, I get two whole days off EVERY WEEK! And then I get PAID TIME OFF!! Who knew that existed??<br />
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7. I can stay home from work if I am sick.<br />
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8. I can ask for things that I need. I can even eat whenever I want to. Today I got up and made myself a cup of tea, and I didn't have to ask permission. If my back hurts, I can lay down on my desk for a minute or go for a walk. People care if I am in physical pain. My body is not at risk for serious injury at this job.<br />
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9. I am treated like an adult in general, and it is assumed that I know what I'm doing and I can handle things without messing it up. My opinion is heard, and valued. I am given everything I need to do my job; I didn't have to pay for my own uniform (nor am I being forced to wear one), nor any of my own office equipment.<br />
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10. People have finally stopped asking me if I'm still in school, or if my position is just an internship. Ya know, some people wait tables because THIS IS NOT 1995 (or 1950 or whatever they remember as being a normal job market). 40% of people with bachelor's degrees today are working jobs that do not require education (sales and food service).<br />
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EDIT: 11. All the anger, resentment, and jealousy I felt has vanished. When you see everyone around you (living in houses that don't leak when it rains and aren't infested with cockroaches, driving cars that rarely break down, saving money for retirement) doing so much better than you are, it really gets to you and makes you think horrible negative things... not just about strangers, but about people you love, too. I am not trying to shirk responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings. I was working very hard on improving this all the time, with little progress. But these feelings have surprisingly vanished with the lifting of the financial pressure cooker.
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EDIT: 12. I have felt another major shift, socially. No longer am I a problem to be solved. I now have the capacity to be a solution. Money is definitely power. And without power, you lack the ability to execute any dreams or visions for a better world. You can't even donate $5 to freaking NPR. Now that I have days off, I can volunteer. Now that I have basic needs covered, I can contribute to others' projects and my own projects. Feeling paralyzed in a world that desperately needs more Soldiers of Good is a desperately low feeling.
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Now, imagine how hard all that stuff in the past would have been WITHOUT all my privileges! Without my safety net of my supportive family, assuring I would never be hungry or homeless. Without my whiteness, my education, my able body.<br />
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Basically, I am more comfortable, healthy, and happy than I have ever been. My job is the "easiest" I've ever had, and it pays BY FAR the best. So count your freaking blessings (and dollars) if you have one of these precious jewels of a job.<br />
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14593266796" title="2014-07-09 11.48.53 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-09 11.48.53" height="320" src="https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2896/14593266796_1ce34bb1da_n.jpg" width="240" /></a>
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Anyways. Back to cute little boys.<br />
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Next month, Luca goes to SCHOOL!! This fall Ash is starting Massage School and Luca will need childcare 3 days per week (oh yeah, that's another far-off dream I can now afford). He will be going to a wonderful Montessori school run by some ladies we have gotten to know very well this past year. Ash's mom is generously helping with tuition (Like I said, we ain't even middle class yet. Working on it!).<br />
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Ash and Luca have been spending a lot of time together. They are best buddies. Ash is an excellent father; there is truly nothing I would alter about the way he handles Luca's ups and downs. I mean, that's one of the big reasons I had a kid so stupidly young. I knew I could do it with Ash by my side. Ash has really taken charge with the parenting thing. It used to be me that did all the research etc about parenting, and now he has completely taken it over... going to workshops, giving people advice on Reddit, checking out books from the library... he IS super dad. And we are becoming better and better "Gentle Parents" all the time thanks to his leadership. We are getting good at only setting limits that are necessary, and not setting them based on our own fears or limitations. We are getting good at seeing the world from his eyes, and understanding his feelings regarding seemingly everyday things that prompt big reactions. Compassion is a crop you must tend to dutifully... but the rewards are many.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14429668858" title="2014-07-06 19.52.32 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-06 19.52.32" height="320" src="https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2920/14429668858_2f09922379_n.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14429669088" title="2014-07-06 17.46.15 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-06 17.46.15" height="320" src="https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2936/14429669088_e4f6c3b1bf_n.jpg" width="240" /></a>
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14636238743" title="2014-07-06 17.46.04 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-06 17.46.04" height="320" src="https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2938/14636238743_443d949cb5_n.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14429629720" title="2014-07-06 17.45.59 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-06 17.45.59" height="320" src="https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3852/14429629720_2b20e6c153_n.jpg" width="240" /></a>
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For example... choosing your battles. Luca was a terrible sleeper, and after a while of trying everything found in every book, we finally gave up and just let him do whatever, while still modeling good sleep habits ourself (we went to bed whenever we were tired, with or without him). He did weird stuff. He asked to go to the park at 7:30pm and we said yes. He fell asleep for naps at 4:00 and slept until 8pm, and we never woke him up to prevent that. He stayed up until 9 every night and woke up at the crack of dawn. And we just watched him sleep whenever he wanted to, scratching our heads. And then... magic. He starting asking to go to bed whenever he was sleepy. He started crawling into bed whenever he needed to throughout the day, and either just resting or even falling asleep by himself. He started sleeping through the night, in his own bed, with no hassles. He started crying less at bedtime and being happy when he woke up.
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I know for some kids, that would absolutely not work. But I'm glad we just took the path of least resistance and let things take their course with him... because it looked like, in the end, all he needed was a little less energy around bedtime and a little more autonomy. Once all the negative associations with enforced sleep times went away, he starting treating sleepiness how we WANT him to: as his body's way to tell him something important... something he should honor.
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This is how we have always handled food. He eats whatever he wants, whenever he wants, just like we do. Our job is to provide an environment of healthy choices that makes it safe for him to have that freedom. "Freedom within Reasonable Limits" has become our motto.
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<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/14429815029" title="2014-07-09 08.14.20 by Geni Allegretti, on Flickr"><img alt="2014-07-09 08.14.20" height="375" src="https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5503/14429815029_757223f1e8.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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This week, we even felt brave enough to push the family bed APART for the first time!
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We will be moving to Asheville this fall, if we can find an affordable place. It just makes sense, with me working there and Ash going to school there. So, basically all our dreams are coming true!
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(Except for when we went on vacation and I ended up in the emergency room with severe dehydration... seriously, it happened RIGHT before losing my health insurance when I turned 26. It was SO LUCKY! But now we can afford to fix the AC in the car, so that won't happen again!)Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-23997650895658494702014-01-28T14:26:00.001-08:002014-01-28T14:28:09.754-08:00Still not sleeping. Seriously. My child is intense.
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That feels like an understatement. Or an overstatement. I'm not sure which, because I'm so tired.
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My child is... exhausting.
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He cries a lot. He cries when we change his diaper. He cries when we brush his teeth. He cries when I leave for work, and when I come home. He cries before bed, he cries first thing when he wakes up, and he even wakes up in the middle of the night to cry some more. He cries before nap. He cries during his nap. He cries after his nap. And he cries for normal things too, like when we run out of pretzels, or when the paint is purple instead of pink, or when we can't make it start snowing, or when we can't go to the library because it's President's Day.
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We have tried everything (legal) to get this child to sleep or at least calm down. Curtains. Leaving the lights on. White noise. Human noise. Homeopathic remedies. Ibuprofen. Valerian. Lemon balm. Kava kava. Catnip. Bedsharing. Not bedsharing. Babywearing. Acupressure. Essential oils. Doing more. Doing less.
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I'm running out of ideas.
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If anyone has any ideas, I would love to hear them.
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</br></br>Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-8128540381929465712014-01-05T10:07:00.001-08:002014-01-06T07:23:57.171-08:00Technology: blessing or curse?<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/OINa46HeWg8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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I observed two things in this video: the obvious message, of smart phones preventing humans from enjoying what is going on around them, and the second less intentional message. The further we get from ourselves and our loved ones, the more we feel a great urge to reconstruct what we have lost through media. For example, taking selfies constantly ("look at me I have friends, this photo proves it", "look at me enjoying parenthood, this smile proves it"). We are fighting to build a sense of identity and fulfillment, but are in fact fighting fire with fire. Pretty soon, you have a chicken-or-the-egg thing going on.... because people don't realize <i>why </i>they are unhappy. "Look at all the awesome shit that happened to me this year, on my facebook timeline!" Too bad you weren't there to enjoy any of it.<br />
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And then there's the physical reality of it to consider, too. More stimulation = needing more stimulation... that's a scientific fact. We browse our phones because... we browse our phones. Real life doesn't happen fast enough to keep us engaged anymore. This is why we pick them up even when we don't need information from them. But this can be easily solved by simply putting it down. A moment of self-control can bring several moments of calm and connection, later. If the habit can be made, it can be unmade. But doing must be replaced by non-doing.<br />
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Ash and I struggled a lot with this last year. I get annoyed when he is on his iPhone, he gets annoyed when I am on my laptop. What we are really asking is for our unmet needs to be met: we need connection and consideration from others. Through communication, we have worked out how to gently give each other signals when we feel lonely or irritated as as result of this habitual behavior. We are also working on how to allow each other the time to do important work that needs to be done in the cyber world (that could be called "adjusting expectations"). As long as we are using technology to enrich our lives and not to satisfy our urges, we can use it in a healthy way. As long as we frequently check in with each other and ourselves about what our needs are, we can be sure of what stage we are in (enrichment or itch-scratching).
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For those of you who have not begun these discussions in your relationships, I give you these words of encouragement: it DOES get better!<br />
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<b>PARENTING with technology:</b>
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I watched a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoT7qH_uVNo">TED talk</a> on the research on the topic, which I highly recommend... to summarize, for every 3 hours of screen time, you need at least one hour of highly engaging real world time to make up for it. Roughly. This is based off of the correlation between screen time and ADD, which I think is a great indicator of how much is too much. For every 1 hr of screen time, the risk of ADD goes up 10%. And for every hour of visiting a museum, playing outside, doing puzzles with daddy... the risk goes down 30%. Obviously it's seriously oversimplifying the situation to think like this... but it's all I have at the moment to go by!<br />
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Every parent knows screens are a GOD SEND for when you need to get stuff done. Just keep this nifty little ratio, 1:3, in mind as a guide for when enough is enough, and when more is more. <br />
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<b><i>If you are unhappy</i></b> with the current amount of screen time your family uses, here are some ideas to try that worked for our family:<br />
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1) Model the behavior you wish to see in your child. Use technology during designated hours only, to enrich your life, and not compulsively or in social situations (including family social situations). Enrichment can take the form of work, play, learning, or communicating with others (yes, this includes Facebook!). Model appropriate responses to violating these rules (don't beat yourself up, just check in with yourself and express gratitude to yourself for doing so). <br />
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Sometimes this means only using technology after dinner or before dinner. Sometimes it's a screen-free day once per week, or once per month. Or it could be never using a device for more than 2 hours in a row. But it's important to have a clear understanding of when it is hurtful to others to be on your Gameboy (at the dinner table, in the grocery store, etc) and when it is beneficial (when you're in the waiting room at the dentist, on a long car ride, etc). There's a time and a place for everything, and a whole new set of etiquette to figure out.
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2) Don't use it as a reward, or withhold it as a punishment. I'm not a fan of this parenting strategy for anything, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486">but that's another topic</a>. THE INTERNET IS NOT A COOKIE!! It is an amazing tool for self-betterment. It is, in my opinion, a human right to access information for free at any time they wish. I am also a firm believer that, given the choice, a <i>healthy </i> child/person will not choose to stare at a screen for hours every day. An hour to two, sure, don't you?<br />
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If a child turns to TV or video games for several hours a day, chances are their real life is lacking something that they need. This may be because everyone else is staring at a screen and they aren't connecting with others. Or it may be because school is stressing them out and they crave that dopamine spike that comes from the instant gratification of the virtual world. Or it may be because they lack awareness of how their actions affect others. Do some exploring. <br />
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3) I have seen the same results from the technique I use with junk
food, with screen time. Keep in mind, my kid is only 2... but I used
to use these ideas with older kids I babysat, too.<br />
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(Edit: My food strategy is: I don't keep stuff at the house that I don't want him to eat. I allow him to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants. I cook meals and if he doesn't eat them, whatever. No battles! And with no bad choices around, his diet is perfectly balanced, long term.)
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First step is, if you don't want them to be on screens all the time, DON'T HAVE A BUNCH OF SCREENS IN THE HOUSE. In other words... if there is too much screen time going on, there may be too many screens in the first place. Figure out a good number of screens that works for your family to fulfill everyone's needs. This will require you to retire some of your old justifications for why you had them in the first place. Which is hard to do.<br />
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I'm all for kids having cells phones for emergencies, to take pictures with their friends, to communicate with them, whatever. But just pick the cheapest piece of crap they have in the place. They will get over the social embarrassment by having superior people skills.<br />
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One laptop per family is convenient. Two laptops per family is a luxury. One tablet, smartphone and computer for each person is completely overkill. There is no way you could justify "needing" that many devices. The right number of devices varies by family... but again, <i><b>if</b></i> you are feeling like there is too much screen time, then you should probably <i>seriously reconsider</i> the number you have now.
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Video games are tons of fun, but are still material luxuries and should be treated as such. Consoles should be kept in a communal, family place and not in children's bedrooms. They should be a bonding experience, not an isolating one. If you buy an Xbox, sell your PlayStation. SIMPLIFY!<br />
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If you need further motivation to stop buying so many electronics, then so some Google searches on all the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_minerals">shit going down in Africa</a>. Half of those conflicts are caused by fighting for control over the mining industry, which provides the metals used to make our luxury products. It's blood diamonds all over again.There are also websites which can tell you which electronics companies are <a href="http://www.ethicalconsumer.org/buyersguides/phonebroadband/mobilephones.aspx">actually making an effort</a> to solve this problem. <br />
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4) When talking about this subject, be delicate. We're discussing real human needs and feelings... this is not the time for an "I'm the parent and I said so" power game. Be vulnerable and honest about your feelings, and you are more likely to get your needs met... while learning about the needs of your child as well. <br />
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"When you rush upstairs to play video games after school, it makes me feel lonely, and distant from you. I really love spending time with you and hearing about your day, because you are my child and I love you. I was wondering if you would mind spending 30 minutes each day after school with me, just relaxing and chatting. Then you can do whatever you need or want to do afterward. How do you feel about what I just said?"<br />
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For clarity on how to do this, I highly recommend the book "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenburg. He also has a lot of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBGlF7-MPFI">YouTube videos</a>, for you screen junkies!<br />
<br />Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-83699099925048943932013-08-05T16:50:00.000-07:002013-08-05T17:07:29.622-07:00Be who you are: a great person. You are the sun, not the clouds.<br />
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Every time I hear about a person that I think can't POSSIBLY have any good left anywhere inside them (you all know what I'm talking about.. the horror stories, the unthinkable, the things that keep you up at night)... I picture them as a small child. So small that sometimes they are babies. How can you be angry at a baby? My self-righteousness melts. We demonize these people not only because of what they do, but because we are afraid and don't understand- how did they get that way? They must not be human like us, right?<br />
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Well, they got that way the same way you and I became the way we are. Some things we could help and some things we had no control over. And that scares us. It scares us to admit that this terrible person is as human as we are. So we shut them out, away from our compassion, because they don't deserve it; they aren't human like us. But in doing so we also shut down our own love for ourselves, the compassion for our own mistakes that we make every day. We can't love those parts of us- can we? If we do that, we might become like those monsters! Or is the opposite true? If we shut down compassion for anyone or anything, how can we be a good person? We try to justify having some walls up- after all, they don't DESERVE love! But soon we see the truth- that even the tiniest of obstructions to the natural flow of love affects how we feel.<br />
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I try to let go of hate because it feels good to me. It feels right and genuine to feel love; it feels like very hard work to feel hate. Look! I am clenching my fists and panting and pacing. How much work it is!! I choose to give this person love even though they don't deserve it. Why? Not for them at first, but for me. Because if my heart is full of hate for what they have done... then I have let their suffering extend to me. The only resilience against hate is love. You cannot fight the hate in the world by filling it with more hate. You will exhaust yourself! But love is never ending- just ask a mother or a father. Love is easy. Hate is hard.<br />
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When I picture the object of my anger as a small child, I am reminded that we all start out equally beautiful and innocent and good. And I am reminded that they are, just like I am, not tied to the person they are today. Just as they were made into the person they are, so am I being made. And I can unmake, or remake, or just be who I am. And that is my choice to make. It is your choice too.<br />
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Which will we decide? The easy lie, or the difficult truth? The truth may hurt at first, but nothing hurts as bad as a lifetime of suffering, brought on by avoiding the truth. When you sit down with yourself and see who you really are, will you take the red pill or the blue pill? Will you make excuses for your bad behavior, or will you love yourself by admitting you were wrong?<br />
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You are the sun, not the clouds.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/9433608151/" title="joe pye and swallowtails by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2829/9433608151_f9be49c52f.jpg" width="500" height="373" alt="joe pye and swallowtails"></a>Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-37819240780878748892013-08-04T05:51:00.003-07:002013-08-04T05:51:35.265-07:00Bloopers<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/9436366234/" title="bloopers by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3738/9436366234_69e5210288.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="bloopers"></a>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/9433591253/" title="bloopers by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3823/9433591253_31e23ed515.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="bloopers"></a>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/9436366362/" title="bloopers by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7371/9436366362_fa24236ffd.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="bloopers"></a>
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/9436366396/" title="bloopers by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7425/9436366396_384ed8ff12.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="bloopers"></a>Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-87386841965139326462013-07-05T19:26:00.000-07:002013-07-05T19:26:01.057-07:00The golden...years?This is the one parenting expectation that came true for me, so far: everything really did get better the more he could talk. He's so cute. Everything he says is adorable. I can't understand half of what he says (daddy understands more than I do). He sang for the first time ... "On a farm... cow...mooo... yaaaay!!" "On a farm.... sheep... baaaa...yaay!!!" And one time he even threw in an "E I E I O!!"<br />
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He calls millipedes "Mama-pedes" and "Dada-pedes", and points out mamas and their babies everywhere we go.<br />
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Here's a comparison picture, this years Eno Festival and last year's:<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/9220792900/" title="last year by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3776/9220792900_afe5b8871b.jpg" width="500" height="316" alt="last year"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/9218018277/" title="this year! by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3738/9218018277_28844e79fe.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="this year!"></a>
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We all look so much happier!Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-42559260778577617012013-05-28T06:18:00.001-07:002013-05-28T06:25:45.027-07:00Toddler eating habitsIt's a common issue parents love griping to each other about. "My kid barely eats anything!" "He won't touch a vegetable." "It takes him FOREVER to finish his meal."<br />
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When I was pregnant I read a few studies on toddler nutrition, and learned that 1) over the course of a week, given the choice to eat what they want to eat, toddlers choose a balanced diet and 2) toddlers need to try a food up to 20 times before deciding if they like it or not.<br />
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If your house isn't full of junk, then let your kid eat what they want. Junk is processed food that comes in packages. If it comes straight from an animal or straight from the ground (minimal processing is ok... fresh bread, dark chocolate, etc) then it's food: relax, mamas! I make sure to offer often, unless I leave food out for him in plain sight to ask for or to get for himself. He doesn't whine for goldfish instead of his sandwhich, because he knows we don't have any goldfish. Don't buy things you don't want your kids to whine for!<br />
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Kids don't like vegetables because they don't have much to offer a toddler. Not much fat or protein which they need to grow, and not much carbs which they need for all that brain and body activity. SCREW BROCCOLI, give them BUTTER! They can get fiber from things that also give them energy, like whole grains or raisins.<br />
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Yesterday Luca would only eat fatty foods... eggs, bacon, salmon, cheese. The day before that he ate nothing but bread and fruit. The day before that, he ate nothing but jerky and cashews and chocolate chips and he acted like salmon and bacon were the worst foods in the world! He used to eat beans every day but now he won't touch them. I'm sure he will like them again later, so I will keep gently offering him all kind of things without judging what he "likes" and "dislikes".<br />
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I will never force my child to finish the food on his plate, as that teaches kids how to force-feed themselves instead of stopping when they're full. I will never force him to eat a certain kind of food over another, as that would cause him to loose his awareness of his own unique daily needs. If he's eating too many cookies, it's because I'm buying too many cookies. I would never bring something into my home that was dangerous or unhealthy for him to eat large amounts of, or that would turn into a battle or a bargaining tool.<br />
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And speaking of which, I will never use food as a reward or punishment. Food is nourishment, an enjoyable family and personal activity, and a sacred ritual of self-care.<br />
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I can't tell you how many parents come into the restaurant I work at and give their kids SWEET TEA. Or say things like "no dessert until you finish your chocolate chip pancake". Then again, these things mirror their own eating habits. If you want your kids to eat well, SHOW THEM HOW. That's the only way they can learn.<br />
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He still nurses many times per day... <a href="http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/">a 2 year old can get a good 20-40% of important nutrients</a> if they feed just a few times per day, because the milk is so nutritionally dense by that time. I DESPISE nursing because of D-MER, but I continue to do it for him. Not many moms have that option, so I'm not going to abuse the privilege by giving up yet.<br />
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He has always been super thin but I've refused to know his percentile. The last time I accidentally saw it, it was 10-15%. I have heard so many parents panic about a number like that... but until he is off the chart, the number doesn't matter. He's within the range of normal and his personal curve is upward. He acts energetic.<br />
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And he's learning new things every day with ease... he knows all the primary and secondary colors, he can count to 2 (well, he can count to 10 but he only understands the concept of "1" and "2"), and he understands that bees make honey, chickens make eggs, and mommy and daddy made Luca :) Grow vegetables also make a seamless connection from world to dinner plate.... though he still won't eat anything leafy :) That's just fine with me.
Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-16505688072864453322013-05-12T14:28:00.000-07:002013-05-12T14:28:19.969-07:00Mother's Day<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8732198007/" title="05-12 by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7289/8732198007_f625390e58.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="05-12"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8732014622/" title="May 10, 11 12 01 AM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7383/8732014622_4d978ba99c.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="May 10, 11 12 01 AM"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8731987360/" title="May 02, 7 33 AM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7390/8731987360_463dd48546.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="May 02, 7 33 AM"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8730864519/" title="nursing, 21 months by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7341/8730864519_83d2c25405.jpg" width="500" height="374" alt="nursing, 21 months"></a>
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I love being this little boy's mommy.
Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-52349641157541705462013-04-28T16:33:00.000-07:002013-04-28T16:34:26.045-07:00Festival of Legends<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8690973760/" title="Photo Apr 28, 12 26 16 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 28, 12 26 16 PM" height="500" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7043/8690973760_584952a925.jpg" width="374" /></a>
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Today we went to Chapel Hill together, just me and Luca, for the 2nd annual <a href="http://www.festivaloflegends.com/#">Festival of Legends</a>.<br />
It was so much fun, and nearly every person was in costume. Steampunk, pirates, faeries, renaissance, medieval, sci-fi/fantasy, full body leather armor... you name it, there was a group of folks in costume for it. And the goods!! The art, the costumes... a lot of it surprisingly affordable. I got a cloak with a hood for $60 , a mini cape (more awesome than a cardigan for evening wear, and only $15), a waist-cincher for only $10, and a wooden sword and shield for Luca (for only $15)...<br />
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I have a rule about non-essential purchases. Put it on a list for at least a month, and if you still want it, start searching for the best deal. The items I bought today were all on my list for several months if not years.<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689956671/" title="Photo Apr 28, 7 05 41 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 28, 7 05 41 PM" height="500" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7052/8689956671_b0fd9a58d4.jpg" width="374" /></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8691076968/" title="Photo Apr 28, 6 56 34 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 28, 6 56 34 PM" height="500" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8125/8691076968_944a740d6c.jpg" width="374" /></a><br />
3/4 length cape with hood (it's navy with green accents)<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689957223/" title="Photo Apr 28, 6 54 58 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 28, 6 54 58 PM" height="500" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7047/8689957223_fc96a71f89.jpg" width="375" /></a>
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waist corset and mini cape (black with red accents)
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I only had one impulse buy... a leather necklace from<a href="https://www.facebook.com/Ribbons.Rivets"> Ribbons and Rivets</a>. One of the artists was an old co-worker of mine, from back when I was a sophomore  in college. I was just so impressed and inspired by the fact that she was making a living doing what she loved, and doing it so well... I had to buy something to show my support. And now I have a beautiful necklace!<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689956283/" title="Photo Apr 28, 7 07 05 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 28, 7 07 05 PM" height="500" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8113/8689956283_a1009f56e9.jpg" width="375" /></a>
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Here are some pics from the festival:<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689854809/" title="Photo Apr 28, 2 51 04 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7050/8689854809_f4e5ba8894.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="Photo Apr 28, 2 51 04 PM"></a>
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This man gave Luca a "gold" coin!
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8690975322/" title="Photo Apr 28, 2 40 16 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7051/8690975322_15f8eaf455.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="Photo Apr 28, 2 40 16 PM"></a>
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Belly dancing with fire.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8690974146/" title="Photo Apr 28, 11 52 26 AM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7056/8690974146_43da9ab7a9.jpg" width="500" height="374" alt="Photo Apr 28, 11 52 26 AM"></a>
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Eating a sandwich in the mini cape.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689855865/" title="Photo Apr 28, 2 25 15 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8380/8689855865_a89393dfa2.jpg" width="500" height="374" alt="Photo Apr 28, 2 25 15 PM"></a>
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Vaudeville performers.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689856575/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 25 14 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7044/8689856575_96c2e7f67b.jpg" width="500" height="374" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 25 14 PM"></a>
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King Arthur and the Black Knight... the jousting wasn't faked or anything!
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8690976892/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 12 38 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7043/8690976892_3719cb030e.jpg" width="500" height="374" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 12 38 PM"></a>
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The singing Sphinx.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8690977542/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 12 15 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8123/8690977542_e34af1d70f.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 12 15 PM"></a>
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Elf?
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689858305/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 12 04 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7044/8689858305_ac3ef007e0.jpg" width="500" height="374" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 12 04 PM"></a>
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Teaching kids how to sword fight.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8690978836/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 11 42 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7048/8690978836_588101d811.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 11 42 PM"></a>
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Is that a walking mushroom?
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8690979492/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 11 36 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7049/8690979492_ce280a9ef4.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 11 36 PM"></a>
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It's Luca!
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689859635/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 07 30 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7044/8689859635_665847fcd3.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 07 30 PM"></a>
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Of course, the one shot with me in it, and my baby's head is covering up my elaborate eye makeup.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8689860073/" title="Photo Apr 28, 1 03 37 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7048/8689860073_e23034d51a.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="Photo Apr 28, 1 03 37 PM"></a>
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Luca and one of the Nickel Shakespeare Girls taking refuge from the rain.
Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-13523881622544109402013-04-19T06:05:00.001-07:002013-04-19T06:05:53.971-07:00eat, sleep, breathe, repeat <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/6Oy-0V6hqHo" width="560"></iframe>
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Apparently, Luca can count. One day he just started counting out loud and didn't stop until he got to 8. Our jaw just dropped to the floor.<br />
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He likes to say "nnnnnnnnnoooooooo" while raising his eyebrows and looking at you like "yeah right".<br />
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He also says "Nice." Like "Hey Luca I made you a sandwich" "OH! Nice."<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8662097611/" title="Photo Mar 29, 12 15 38 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Mar 29, 12 15 38 PM" height="374" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8256/8662097611_504e6e871b.jpg" width="500" /></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8662097297/" title="Photo Apr 02, 2 31 22 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 02, 2 31 22 PM" height="500" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8244/8662097297_564e8fc79e.jpg" width="374" /></a><br />
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He is very sweet and loves to give people hugs and kisses. He and his friend Leo actually <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/danielleackley/sets/72157633249341516/with/8649689877/">played TOGETHER</a> for the first time, chasing each other around and saying baby words to each other.<br />
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We went to the playground this morning, and he sat on my lap the whole time! This is not uncommon for him (though he is much more adventurous with daddy around). It's fine with me, since I'd rather be resting then chasing him all over the place. I hung out with some really great mamas.<br />
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I have been sleeping in my own room on the nights when I work evenings. Go figure, Luca actually sleeps better without me around. He is also sort of night weaned. As he nurses to sleep at night, I tell him "Remember, you get nursies in the morning when the sun comes up. Night time is for sleeping. If you wake up, we do cuddles and go night night. Then you get nursies when the sun comes up." And I stick to that. I say "night night, cuddle with mommy" when he wakes up, and I ignore him otherwise. He usually falls asleep on my arm or chest, and then I just remove him so I can sleep more comfortably.<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8662098537/" title="Photo Apr 18, 7 00 04 PM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 18, 7 00 04 PM" height="500" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8259/8662098537_b69329428f.jpg" width="374" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8663195666/" title="Photo Apr 19, 7 32 39 AM by "GMA", on Flickr"><img alt="Photo Apr 19, 7 32 39 AM" height="500" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8265/8663195666_c6f430760e.jpg" width="374" /></a>
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We bought a futon!! This couch has such great vibes... we bought it from an artist, who bought it from a couple who traveled with it around the world. We only paid $75 for it, and the mattress is super fluffy and the frame is real sturdy and all wood. The pin that keeps the frame in the groove is coming out on one side, but some wood glue will fix that.<br />
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We did our taxes and were shocked to find out we will be getting back $5,000. This puts our tax rate at -23% (yes, negative). This is going to be a big help... we can now afford to buy our own used car. The car is the last big thing we depend on my parents for. If we sell Ash's guitar, we might also be able to afford solar panels for the house! It isn't so bad being poor if you're married and you have a kid. But it took this tax break, the food stamps, and my parents' help to make it through life bellow the poverty line. We were down to our last $20 at one point this year.<br />
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Ash and I got a lawyer to write our wills this week. We wanted the peace of mind that Luca would be raised by who we want him to be raised by, should we "perish in a common disaster" (as the will says). We also got livings wills saying we don't want our life prolonged if we have a terminal illness or are in a vegetative state. I also put on there that I want my organs all donated.<br />
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We have been reading a lot of Osho lately. This is causing some major shifts in our personal philosophies and it feels so good, but also a little scary... it feels good to grow, it only hurts when you resist. Fear hurts more than anything. As Osho says, a tree does not hurt as it grows... only humans have figured out how to be neurotic enough to make it painful!<br />
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<br />Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-12318991659869894692013-04-03T13:58:00.000-07:002013-04-03T14:00:16.164-07:00First night away from babyThought I would outline a typical day for us:<br />
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7:30am Luca wakes<br />
7:45am Luca is done running around the bed and letting us sleep in.<br />
8:00am One of us makes breakfast while the other one puts together appetizers for Luca, or plays with him, or just holds him if he is teething.<br />
8:15am Everyone eats slowly because Luca wants to switch back and forth between our laps and his own chair, or he is spilling stuff, or he is asking lots of questions about what we're doing.<br />
9:00am I watch the baby outside while Ash works on a farm project (unless I go to work in the morning, then Ash takes him out to play after I leave).<br />
11:00am Cook and eat second breakfast, and/or Luca meltdown. He will either fall asleep now or power through.<br />
12:00pm Clean up the kitchen. Luca free play inside while we clean, unless he is too grumpy, then we turn on Mr. Rogers or Curious George. I will sometimes do internet stuff at this point while Ash cleans.<br />
1:00pm Ash puts Luca down for his nap. I either go somewhere else to take a nap if Luca didn't sleep well last night, or I do my own farm projects. My mom leaves to go to work.<br />
3:00pm Luca wakes up and I go to work, or Ash goes to pick up Quinten from school.<br />
3:30pm Snack. This is when Luca eats the majority of his food for the day.<br />
4:00pm Ash does his internet time before he goes to work, if I'm not at work. Otherwise he watches Luca while he plays, sometimes getting more work done in the garden or working on writing his songs, depending on how independent Luca is feeling. This is when I get home from work if I work in the morning.<br />
6:00pm Dinner, eating and clean up.<br />
7:30pm Papaw comes home and Luca plays with him before bed.<br />
8:00pm Bedtime.<br />
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10pm I get home from work around this time, Luca wakes to nurse.<br />
12am or Ash gets home from work at this time, Luca wakes to nurse.<br />
2am Luca wakes and asks to nurse, cries when I say no (sometimes for an hour).<br />
6am Luca wakes and asks to nurse, cries when I say no.<br />
7:30am wakes up for a new day!<br />
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So you can see, if one of us is at work during the day, or if Luca doesn't get a nap, or if we have any errands that take place outside of the house... nothing gets done. And by "nothing" I mean things on our to-do list (plant the potatoes, plaster exterior, stack urbanite, dig beds, etc).
A lot of jobs on a farm or that take place outdoors are time sensitive, depend on good weather, or can only happen if we are physically well (I'm not building shelves after getting off work, for example). Put that together with the unpredictability of a child (maybe he only naps an hour today, maybe he has a fever and needs more attention), and you have projects that only take an hour or two taking 1-2 weeks to complete.<br />
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So we came up with a plan- we would make Monday Ash's day to get stuff done, and Tuesday my day to get stuff done. Monday night would be Luca's first night away from mommy, and a chance for mom to get some much-needed sleep. Night weaning was going so slowly (we have been doing this since he turned 15 months, so 4 months) and we thought if it wasn't too much of an emotional strain for him, it would hurry along night weaning as well. Ash had his time and did a bunch of music stuff on Monday night.<br />
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Unfortunately, I didn't sleep at all Monday night, what was supposed to be my first glorious night away from the baby, because I had food poisoning. I slept from 3am-5am only. So Ash continued to do his projects on Tuesday, while I laid in bed with the baby watching movies. So I didn't get to do any of my projects at all. And last night was only a little better... I slept from 9pm to 1am and was up sick the rest of the night. It was very nice to have my own bed to be sick in, though. I didn't have to worry about waking them up and I had plenty of room.<br />
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Luckily Luca did very well without me. He woke twice but didn't cry at all, and daddy just had to pick him up once to get him back to sleep. This is a big load off my shoulders and I can't wait until I get better, so I can maybe sleep through the night for the first time in 2 years!!
Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-77162070821367853402013-03-28T17:20:00.000-07:002013-03-29T04:36:18.748-07:00Luca's first story This morning, we went to the farm of a friend of ours (<a href="http://www.bullcityfarm.com/">Bull City Farm</a>), because a bunch of baby lambs were born recently. When we got home and ate lunch, I asked Luca if he remembered what animals we saw this morning.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8598257925/" title="farm visit by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8095/8598257925_406817ae5d.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="farm visit"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8598257593/" title="farm visit by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8100/8598257593_3c07d6d6d2.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="farm visit"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8599356168/" title="farm visit by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8249/8599356168_fe498cce79.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="farm visit"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8598256647/" title="farm visit by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8246/8598256647_e58693878e.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="farm visit"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8598272997/" title="farm visit by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8236/8598272997_6824ab2d1c.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="farm visit"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8598256159/" title="farm visit by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8100/8598256159_2650838396.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="farm visit"></a>
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"Uhhh...HEE HAW HEE HAW"
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"That's right! We saw a donkey. What other animals did we see?"
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".... BAA. BAAAAA."
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"That's right, sheep!"
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"Mama...baby...nursies...BAAA."
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"Yes the lambs were having nursies, that's right!"
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"Chicky! PEEP PEEP"
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And that was about the closest thing to a story he has ever told us!! It was also the first time, unprompted, he recalled things from his memory to share with us.
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He was also using more adjectives this week... saying "Tree. Big tree." And when he saw the full moon he said "Moon! Light...ball...moon!" He will also FINALLY answer questions directly, like if I ask him if he wants some food he shakes his head and says "YES" or "ALRIGHT!"
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He has had a couple more poops and pees on the potty as well. It's really weird, going from ECing up until a year old... to doing practically traditional potty training.
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Using <a href="http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html">Jay Gordon's method</a> we are down to one night nursing. The method basically says "if your kid is over 12 months and in your bed, it's ok if they cry". It feels true to us. Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-19651892575521343992013-03-02T18:00:00.001-08:002013-03-02T18:00:34.262-08:00One picture from a play dateLuca and Leo had a play date at Stay and Play and then we went to Leo's house.
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I think this is the cutest picture we could have possibly gotten of them.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8523304246/" title="playdate by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8366/8523304246_1a77dbce5a.jpg" width="374" height="500" alt="playdate"></a>Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-43656172923900328592013-02-20T15:07:00.003-08:002013-02-20T15:07:37.415-08:00Samsara<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8492532695/" title="luca making fudge by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8246/8492532695_7971c744e8.jpg" width="500" height="373" alt="luca making fudge"></a>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8492532797/" title="Luca 18 months by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8240/8492532797_c264956a9a.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="Luca 18 months"></a>
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So much good going on, lately.
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Our house-building has been stalled because of bad weather (winter weather... in winter? Go figure!), but that hasn't stopped the building of our selves. Ash has reached particularly new heights as he becomes more dedicated to meditation. We both have been exploring new ways of manipulating our energy together, which has led to deep bonding with each other and healing within ourselves.
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Today Ash said, "Can I brush your hair? I just want to pamper you."
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Uuuuhhhhhh...... YES.
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I feel cherished and every woman should feel this way. Every person has the right to be in a relationship free of addiction, selfishness, anger... but the bar is set so low. It is "normal" to argue. It is "normal" to be dissatisfied. No, no, no! It is normal to love and be loved, to support each other and to grow as individuals. It is normal to feel <i>good</i> together, not by idealizing or idolizing one another, but by being present and healing to one another.
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It is a blessing to be a woman, and I didn't even know it until now. After reading "The Red Tent" and then reading "The Return of the King", I realized how much I had suffered growing up and only reading male stories, by men for men. I idolized war heros because western society doesn't recognize mothers. I became masculine in my spirit as I fantasized about journeys of the world. But the feminine journey is an internal one. I discovered that while giving birth... ecstatic, dynamic, loving, sensual, breathing, holding, teaching.... that is what it means to be a woman. Men don't have the luxury of their initiation being biologically forced on them, which is why so many cultures have intense initiation rites to turn boys into men. Mapping, climbing, steering, competing, cooperating, working, learning... this is what it means to be a man.
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I finally got ahold of a copy of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"... and I am so appalled that I don't know all of this stuff already. I am so appalled that they don't teach this to everyone. Do you know how many unwanted pregnancies could be avoided with this information?? I'm leaning more and more toward getting this IUD out and using natural methods to avoid conception. I can't believe I don't even know how long my cycles are, let alone on which day I ovulate.
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The more I heal, the more I become open to the idea of having more children.
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I went through a lot of suffering that first year. I was so angry at everyone for lying to me, and for lying to themselves. All of those blog entries I had read... all those books... none of them had mentioned this suffering I was feeling. They were all full of lies... lies about the joys of motherhood. What joys? I felt no joy. I felt only suffering and thought I was doomed to a lifetime of misery. This was reality, to me. I hated my pregnant self for being happy and looking forward to the misery I didn't know awaited me.
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Now Luca brings me so much joy every day. Now I feel the challenges along with the things that make it all "worth it". Now I <i>accept</i> that my life is harder. Now I feel the solid masculine energy of my partner alongside my dynamic feminine energy. I am the boat and he is the captain... and Luca is an adorable little dolphin that has decided to swim alongside us for a little while.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8492532611/" title="wheeloflife by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8509/8492532611_1be8255061.jpg" width="350" height="500" alt="wheeloflife"></a>Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-30017198805003677332013-02-11T10:45:00.000-08:002013-02-11T10:45:34.012-08:00A mother's joys and sorrows<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8465936122/" title="record hat- his own invention by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8520/8465936122_a7302b8005.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="record hat- his own invention"></a>
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Two nights ago, Luca made it until 6am without nursing. I worked until midnight. He rolled over and cried at 4am, but fell asleep again. SUCCESS!!
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We will just ignore all the crying he did last night and the night before. I think it has more to do with teething than anything. He is STILL getting in that 4th molar.
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I'm re-reading "The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant. I read it once when I was very young (sometime at the beginning of high school). But it's a completely different story to me now after having experienced pregnancy, birth, and being a mother.
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This passage in particular stuck out to me (page 226 in my copy). The character has just given birth:
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"There should be a song for women to sing at this moment, or a prayer to recite. But perhaps there is none because there are no words strong enough to name that moment. Like every mother since the first mother, I was overcome and bereft, exalted and ravaged. I had crossed over from girlhood. I beheld myself as an infant in my mother's arms, and caught a glimpse of my own death. I wept without knowing whether I rejoiced or mourned. My mothers and their mothers were with me as I held my baby."
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Almost all of the mothers in this story had 4-12 pregnancies and lost at least 2 babies and had 2 miscarriages. As a modern woman miraculously exempt from this type of pain, I can only imagine that the sorrow is equal to a mother's joy in intensity.
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Modern medicine is responsible for both sparing most women from that suffering, and the theft of joy that a glorious birth will bring. Few women now experience loss; at the same time, those women are disempowered, shamed into silence, and no one is left to comfort them.
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I had a home birth because I knew that, as a healthy woman, my chances of experiencing heartbreak were far less than my chances of experiencing pure bliss. I knew that in a hospital, my chances of experiencing loss might be reduced, but my chances of having a triumphant, ecstatic birth were almost certainly zero. This is the comfort zone of our culture- reduce the risk of birth, even if it means eliminating all chance of empowerment. Ironically, they have ultimately failed to reduce risk, with higher infant and maternal mortality resulting from cesarean births than with births like mine.
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When I think of all the disempowered women struggling to raise their infants with litte help, struggling to recover from the trauma of being ripped open, poked, prodded, harassed, belittled, degraded, shamed.... and doing it all while being told suck it up, you have a (overly expensive) roof over your head and (low quality) food to eat, why isn't that enough for you? I wonder if that's any better than loss? For thousands of years, our mothers felt loss and love together, both at full capacity, and not only survived but flourished without the self doubt, depression, and disempowerment that comes with the modern definition of "woman". Men also are loosing their empowerment, being raised to think they must take from women in every area... get a woman to take care of you, to give you sex when you ask, to give you devotion when you have none, to be your mother instead of your partner, to take the life or dignity of other men who threaten their manhood... insecurity abounds, enforced by our style of consumerism which profits by it.
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I'm not saying that we should all throw away our birth control and squat in a forest when our time comes. I also realize it is easy for me to say all of these things having never experienced the loss of a child. I'm very grateful I have the luxury of choosing not to have any more kids and to explore other paths of fulfillment in life. I'm grateful for plastic and vaccines and that I know what pineapples taste like. But I mourn for the lost days of clarity in the face of death and suffering, knowing what it means to be a woman or a man, and to be connected to others in sharing love and loss; to really know and feel what it means to live and die, not as a life-long struggle for survival... but as your birthright to thrive.
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I think I'd like to start a red tent. A safe place for women to gather and talk about anything, once a month. It's already being done all over the world... but I don't think locally. If anyone knows differently, let me know.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8465948080/" title="Alisa_red_tent_temple by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8101/8465948080_bbebc5da46.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="Alisa_red_tent_temple"></a> Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2961883704442099262.post-7505622670319617002013-01-31T06:06:00.003-08:002013-01-31T06:06:42.483-08:00Enrichment
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8431807603/" title="reading by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8513/8431807603_4c9fe78e81.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="reading"></a>
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When I was pregnant, I did a lot of research into fun stuff to do at home with toddlers. Especially Montessori-inspired activities, that help small people do what big people are doing.
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Well, after a very long time of waiting, Luca is old enough to start doing BIG BOY STUFF!! Here he is helping daddy make dinner.
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/genissimo/8431807015/" title="chopping potatoes and onions by "GMA", on Flickr"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8095/8431807015_00c647d9ed.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="chopping potatoes and onions"></a>
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Greg made Luca and Leo each a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Little-Partners-Learning-Tower-Natural/dp/B001ECHXVC">learning tower</a>, which we are very excited about. Because Luca sure throws a fit if he can't see what's going on up on the counter, and we're sick of holding him!
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Giovannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17507970940813006982noreply@blogger.com3