getting better all the time

I think he has had a 4 hour stretch 90% of nights now, for the past few weeks. I started giving over night time potty duties to daddy, and it is helping me get better rest. So he nurses about 3 times, and after each time he goes to pee. Sounds like a normal baby!

I got "the Fussy Baby Book" by Dr. Sears from the library, and it describes their fourth child, a "high needs" child. It's soo Luca. Always needs human touch, doesn't like all the products made to soothe babies, is either super happy or super angry, very sensitive to stimuli, very sensitive to foods, doesn't sleep well, etc. It's great to know there are other babies like him... it completely changes my mindset from one of panic ("Oh my gosh, he's crying again!! What's wrong with him? What did I do wrong?") to one of acceptance ("Ok, he's crying again because that's what he does to tell me he needs to be close to me."). I also discovered he sleeps and naps better if he has human contact. Ash swears if he puts his hand over his head, he goes back to sleep! I cuddle up as close as I can now (I was trying not to touch him before, because I thought I would wake him up or he would wake me).

He's actually easier to take places now than he was before, even though he wants to get into everything. He loves the "adventure", as we call it.





Edit: Oh yeah, I don't know why I keep forgetting but I guess it's a big deal: his first word was the day after Easter- MAMA!

I got this book from the library, and it is really helping me.





Our living room is trashed! It happened in 3 steps.

1) Ash and I built a makeshift floor bed in the living room, so that we could lay down and watch a movie after the baby went to sleep in the bedroom. So cozy for cuddling!!

2) Baby woke the next morning and we put his toys on the bed so he could roll around without hurting himself when he falls.

3) Laundry that we left at my mom's house gets dropped off, baby puts his toys in the basket and pulls some items out, etc.

And then when i got home from work this afternoon, I was tried so I just laid on the floor bed while I played with Luca, and nursed him laying down, and then nursed him to sleep.

So why clean this up?? It's awesome! The whole world is a bed!!



(I was trying to get a picture of him standing up, but he fell and cried)

The appointment with the allergist basically told us to keep avoiding dairy and soy, but not worry about all the other foods. I started eating eggs again 6 days ago, and I've already gained 3 lbs. It's amazing how much better I feel now that I'm not hungry all the time. I'm waiting to add gluten and coconut until after I see the GI specialist, since those are the foods that I'm pretty sure make him hold his poop. I will also start feeding him fruit and veggies now. I feel... free. Better. Even when we got so little information. Now I know he's not in huge danger, I can relax a little bit.

What a sparkler!

He has such a sparkling personality. He's so goofy, and fun-loving. Yes, he still whines all the time but ever since I started working, it's so much easier to deal with. It may be because I don't have to hear it 24/7!! He made a pouty face like he was going to cry, when they dropped me off at work yesterday. Broke my heart. I wish I didn't have to work. They just cut Ash's hours at work (I forgot movie theaters do little to no business in the summer time). I'm talking to a neighbor who runs an in-home daycare, she is looking to hire an assistant. I could bring Luca with me, which is so great.

The more that time goes on, the more Ash and I think we don't want any more kids. So weird, considering how much I LOVE kids and love being around bunches of them. But I had a very strong feeling right before Luca was born... a voice inside saying "enjoy these last few days being pregnant" as if I wouldn't be pregnant again.

I had an amazing job opportunity at a local Montessori school as an assistant teacher (great pay, regular part time hours, paid vacation, full benefits). I went in for a day to try it out, and unfortunately, it was not a good fit. They had 12 one-year-olds in one classroom (SO not Montessori), and the day was so rigidly scheduled, there was about 12 total minutes of free play time. they were forced to sit on a rug and participate in activities many of them were too young for. They were barked at to "sit down" and "hold still" and a number of other things I refuse to force babies to do. The children were so wonderful, I miss them all even though I only knew them for 5 hours. I cried when I got home, I missed Luca so much while taking care of other people's babies.

SPRINGTIME!! Not that we had much of a winter, but I'm glad it's nice and warm already. Our life without AC begins now!

My Norwegian Lion

We laid down for a nap at 1:15, and woke up just past 3pm. WOW!! So that's what a real nap feels like.

My baby thinks he's a lion. He roars and growls and grrrs. I guess he is a Leo!

He chose his first repetitive noise to be a strange consonant and a vowel. It sounds like "yayayayaya". As Uncle Quinten put it, he's trying to be Norwegian! In which case, I spelt it wrong ("jajajajaja").

His bottom two teeth are coming in at the same time. They seem to be already through, but they are really hurting him. It almost makes me suspicious that there must be a third tooth somewhere. An ice cube in a wash cloth provided temporary relief last night, but he still didn't get to sleep until almost 9 because he was so sad. It's funny how much easier it is to deal with a crying baby when you know why they are crying. Teething is no big deal compared to the nights I spent pacing the floor and wondering why he was in so much pain!

His clothes are starting to look baggy on him! He's getting so long and lean.

He really loves his new stroller. It's fun to walk around the neighborhood with it, I can tell it's going to be nice for daily use in the summertime, when baby wearing gets a bit warm. But for being out and about and running errands, nothing beats the carrier. I can't imagine walking into shops, perusing the museum, or deciding to explore a random garden or trail while lugging a big stroller around!

dream

Two nights ago I had to most spectacular dream. I dreamt that once a year, on Friday the 13th, there was a day where al thoughts became real. Anything you thought burst into being in thin air in front of you. You can imagine, considering the speed at which thought race through our head, and the terrible thoughts many people think of, that it was chaos!

People everywhere were staring at the ground, trying to think of nothing and miserably failing and causing horrible gruesome accidents. So many people, included myself, just stuck with trying to think about one harmless thing. I thought about all the toys I could remember playing with in my childhood, and they sprang to life in front m of me in various forms, none of them quite right and most of them blended together. I got bored and that and decided to think of a spectacular adventure instead, a treasure hunt in an old, moss-covered house with aquariums full of sea creatures.

But then I came upon a man who had thought himself into quite a situation. There was a hole in his throat, about the size of a tennis ball, and there was garbage spewing out of it. He was terrified, because he couldn't stop it and the only way to save his life was to kill himself (on this one day per year, if you killed yourself you could come back to life the next day). He was trying to drown himself in a swimming pool, but he couldn't. Another man and I helped him, by holding him under the water until he stopped breathing. It was disturbing but felt like a rescue mission, since we knew it was the only way to save him.

Eventually I just sat on the ground and looked around at the dirt around me, and decided to make it all mossy and pretty. I stared at the ground, touching it and willing the moss to grow and spread. It was fun and beautiful.

working mother, my first 3 days!

The job at Elmo's is the fastest paced and most physically intense job I've ever had. I think the only thing more physically demanding would be farming or digging ditches. Most people there work an 8 hour shift with no breaks (no sitting down, no eating, just taking sips of water whenever you can steal half a second). But it seems to be a great place to work, most of the people who work there have either worked there for years, or they keep coming back to work there over the course of their lifetime.

That restaurant is an extremely well-run machine. Everyone has their job, and there is only one way to do it or the whole thing falls apart. Theres a huge staff, and everyone's really friendly and saying "thank you" to you just for doing your job (though I do love that there is very little time to socialize, I've never been good at watercooler chit chat). It's refreshing to be in a job where I know exactly what is expected of me. Team work plays a major role, so everyone is always helping each other out (bussers sometimes greet customers and take their drink orders for the servers, and the servers will "pre-bus" some of the dishes off the table as they are serving, and hosts will collect menus for the servers to bring back to their station or let a busser know if they didn't see someone get up from a table). On Saturday morning, there was a rush from 9am-2pm. Someone would finish eating and WHAM there I was cleaning it the second they got up, and then WHAM someone would come right behind me and sit down to eat. There are 55 tables. Weekdays see 600 people per day, weekends 1200 people per day. I also like that at this job, the managers are just as busy if not MORE busy than the staff. I'm used to working for managers who are way overpaid for what they do, lazy, and overly critical just to boost their own feeling of self-worth. There's no time for that yucky business at Elmos!

Right now, Ash is bringing Luca twice to nurse. I have only been able to pump about 2 ounces until this morning, when I got 4 ounces. I'm supposed to leave at least 1.5 ounces per hour I'm away, so I'd like to get up to 12 ounces per day. I started taking fenugreek to boost my supply. Online, it said keep taking it until you smell like maple syrup... but I've only taken 3 doses and I already smell like maple syrup!! Either that, or I'm covered in actual maple syrup from bussing tables.

Luca has slept a 4 hour stretch every night for about a week. It's amazing. Last night, he only woke up TWICE!! It has been so great (and well-timed). Today I felt a TOOTH cutting in on the bottom left. So excited about that!! He looks so long and lean, and he feels very skinny to me. He's definitely not a chubby baby anymore, he looks like a big boy. Working has been good for me... I'm physically exhausted but mentally a lot firmer. There's no time to think about anything but work, at work, so it gives me a break from all the obsessive anxious thought wheels spinning in my head.

working mother

I got a job. I start tomorrow morning. I'm waiting tables. Yes, that's right, the Queen of Klutz is going to be carrying those big trays and NOT DROPPING THEM. I can't think of a more exhausting job, but they were hiring and I need income.

Luca is pulling himself up to standing, now. He is so cute I'm afraid he might explode.