Anxiety

My baby is in all of my dreams now. Last night I dreamed I was on a road trip with my family, and they kept leaving him in his car seat in the car whenever we stopped to use the bathroom or eat in a restaurant, and I kept being like "where's my baby?? I want my baby!!!" and they would just laugh at me and tell me he was fine in the car. And then I would go get him. So the whole dream was me in an extreme state of anxiety followed by relief upon seeing my baby again. I'M SUCH A MOM ALREADY. Yesterday I was standing in the kitchen making myself something to eat, and the baby was snoozing on the couch in the living room with my mom and sister, and I got MAJOR separation anxiety. And especially in the evenings, if I am downstairs with him I get this uncontrollable urge to go back upstairs to the bed where it's nice and cushy and safe and I know where all his stuff is.

Tuesday will be the big test, we are driving to Carrboro for his two week appointment, and taking Quinten to his homeschooler's classes. I'm gonna need a bigger diaper bag!! And a sedative to keep from freaking out about taking him out into the world for the first time.

In general I think I am enjoying this newborn stuff more and more. I was sort of in a trance for the first couple of days, and I had the baby blues a few nights in there (hooray for wonderful husbands who hold you and tell you you're an awesome mother). Mostly it was because of his gassy tummy; it was so hard to watch him squirm in pain and to be powerless to stop it... or to think that I was doing something terribly wrong and it was all my fault. But last night I talked to one of my local La Leche League leaders and she made me feel tons better (I slept really well last night in between feedings, finally).