Get out a piece of paper, and write "ME" in the middle. Now, around you, write down the names of major people in your life, and major things or activities in your life (like a job, an illness, a hobby).
Now, draw arrows going to and from these things. A full arrow means a lot of energy/support is going/coming, and a dotted arrow means a little energy/support is going/coming.
This is a great exercise to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and you don't know why. It's also a great exercise to do when you know you have to cut SOMETHING in your life, because you just don't have energy for it all, but you can't decide what makes the cut.
Here is mine for an example:
So if we do the math, we get 4 "incoming" and 5 "outgoing" (I count the dotted arrows as half a point, and the full arrows as a full point). Aha! Now I see why I'm so stressed out. I'm operating at negative 1. There are more things in my life draining me of my energy than supporting my well-being.
Let's evaluate them one at a time, to see if there's anything we can do about it.
-Ash and I mutually support each other. Don't want to make any changes there!
-Luca, while being cute and being my son whom I love, is almost 3 and takes a good bit out of me. I don't think there's any changing that relationship for a while.
- My parents ask very little of me, maybe a phone call now and then, a few photos of their grandson... but they help me a whole lot. They buy me groceries when they come visit, and they take Luca for a weekend (or a whole week!) so Ash and I can sleep in.
-Ash's mom sends us money so Luca can go to Montessori school. She provides emotional support for Ash. She asks for very little in return, just a phone call every week, a visit once per year, and regular photo updates of her grandson.
-My siblings... right now my sister is pregnant, and while I don't help her nearly as much as I want to because I live an hour away, for a while she is going to need more support than she can give. And that's ok. My brothers don't ask anything of me and I don't ask anything of them, right now.
- Work. I work more than 40 hours per week, but still do not make enough money to pay for everything in my life on my own. There isn't much I can do about that for a while, until I gain more experience. I already have recently upgraded to a job with health insurance, paid time off, and all those lovely luxuries. It's amazing that it's still not enough, but what else can I do??
So it looks like I'm pretty stuck here. The only option is to add another element... something that takes NOTHING from me, but gives me plenty.
Maybe there's a free/cheap yoga class? Or a meditation session? Or a few bike rides a week? I have no creative outlets in my life at the moment, in addition to no hobbies and no exercise.
I'm glad I did this exercise, I was feeling confused about what my life was lacking, being blinded by achieving the short-term goal of obtaining a better job.
What does YOUR diagram show?
EDIT: I completely forgot to mention that this exercise is adapted from something I read in a book... but I can't remember which book, because I got it from the library. It might have been this one, but either way, this book has similar ideas and is very helpful:
The Mindful Way Through Anxiety
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