two steps forward, one step back

He seems to be super sensitive to gluten, since he has random grumpy days and night even when I eat the same things every day. It's amazing what has gluten in it or on it.. basically everything that comes in a package. After talking with the ladies at Foodlab, I'll be starting over in the new year, eliminating only the things that make sense to me (gluten, dairy, soy, coconut, tomatoes) and then going from there, eliminating only one food at a time. Much less maddening. I had eggs and bacon for breakfast and it felt so good!! I think eating rice cereal every morning was stupid, there wasn't enough fat or protein and I spent the rest of the morning in extreme low blood sugar mode, frustrated that I had to eat every 30 minutes.

Yesterday he had such a great day, all day. He was so happy. In the morning, I got bold and took his diaper off and never put it back on, so we're back in the game when it comes to ECing. I got peed on a few times, but he started a predictable pattern of peeing once every hour so we started catching them. We caught the daily poop at the end of the day, which is really the most important catch to make :) He would always cry when we put his diaper on, which made me feel so guilty for giving up on ECing right when he needed it most. His chronic diaper rash disappeared, his whining stopped... he just loves to be naked!

Everyone is visiting for the holidays, so mom and dad (us) are getting to enjoy the occasional nap, or free hands to eat a meal, or spare second to run to the bathroom. Aunt Alyssa is sitting with him outside (his favorite place in the world) while I type this. Two-handed typing, what a luxury!!

We're apartment hunting. Everything affordable seems to be in a terrible neighborhood! And the nice places disappear so quickly (we viewed one place and it was unavailable the next day).

Progress... finally.

The diet is working.

He has been so happy today... all day. It's amazing. And he slept from 8:30pm-3am straight last night. His cradle cap is going away. His eye stopped pussing. His rash is gone. I'm just waiting for a poop today so I can see if it is returning to normal color/smell/texture. Yesterday he made a tiny poop, and it was yellow and smelt so sweet!!



I am still getting over this sickness. There is fluid in my ears and some acute pain in my throat which I think are actually canker sores? I have a productive cough. I'm fatigued, but I was strong enough to wear him today.

I read him a book today for the first time, since he was happy enough to sit still, finally. It was "The Very Hungry Caterpillar".

I'm reading "Ender's Game". I need to be reading to feel like myself...so I am.



Tanya, who I met at the Babywearers meeting, gave me all her old diapers and they are amazing!! They fit him perfectly with room to grow. They are all fitted and contour diapers, Tiny Tush brand. Luca is so wide, he doesn't even fit in size large prefolds, so I was going to have to spend hundreds on buying all new fitted diapers if it hadn't been for Tanya!! I have experienced so much generosity since Luca was born, it's so inspiring. It reminds me that all I have to do to make the world a better place is to do good myself. Kindness is contagious.

Accepting change..

I have found a great group on Yahoo called The Food Lab... I feel like crying tears of joy, they are exactly what I need right now... a bunch if sweet, intelligent moms who have been through what I'm going through. They are so supportive. They have helped me realize a few things...

1) Being a new mom is HARD, but that's ok... it really will get easier. Big life adjustments are supposed to be hard.
2) Things will never be like they were before I had a baby, and that's ok too.
3) You have to surround yourself with people who are going through the same thing you are, otherwise you will feel depressed and isolated.
4) My suffering is real, and so is his (why is this so hard to admit?). I'm a good mom because I am willing to do anything for Luca... the less I doubt myself, the better a mom I can be.

And on a practical level... I think he is allergic to coconut too. Which sucks, because I am obsessed with it's amazing ability to be used for EVERYTHING.

sick again

It's just one thing after another. I'm sick. Just waiting for the baby to get it now.
I hope it's not the flu, since that's really bad for a baby to get.

ETA: He just pooped (every other day this week!!) and it was yellower and it even had some seedy texture to it!! I think the diet is working already!!

Teething?!

He's not even 4 months, and I can see a tooth coming in on the bottim right! I felt so much better after knowing why he was crying... I gave him my pinky to gnaw on and he felt better. It seems like one thing after another with this poor kid. I took a log of his Sunday in detail, and I was glad I did because it turned out to be a rough day. It was good to see confirmation that, yes, he does cry all the time and I have the right to claim to be as exhausted as I am. Sometimes I'm scared I'm just imagining it. Most days have felt unreal since he was born.

I had read that sometimes breastfeeding can make you feel aggressive... I wasn't sure about this until yesterday, when Ash took a shower, had a nap, and read a book whenever he wanted to, and it made me SO ANGRY. It's little things like that which I was completely unprepared to care about as a normal part of parenthood.

I decided to just go ahead and do the serious elimination diet, since he is nearing 4 months now and that's the cut off for developmentally-related fussing (as in, his digestive tract should be mature by now and working fine). I will revisit homeopathy after the teething and elimination diet is over, because right now it's too hard to tell what is causing what. So it's just turkey, lamb, pears, potatoes, rice, squash, salmon, carrots, oats, sunflower seeds, and grapes for me for two weeks.

He had several moments in the past couple of days where he seemed like a normal baby to me. He took a nap for two hours. He stayed happy for a whole hour another day. And on one of those days, I sat in a chair and sat him in my lap, and he just chilled for ten minutes like it was no big deal. I took an hour nap while daddy watched him yesterday, and woke up feeling like a different person... one who really enjoyed being with her baby. In those moments, I felt like myself again.... it felt amazing.

Homeopathy

Luca, 3.5 months:



I'm a big fan of homeopathy, and our family has been seeing Susan Delaney for years (since we were babies!). I took Luca to her on Monday, to see if she could help with his colic. She gave us three remedies to try. The first did not work (actually made it worse). Last night and this morning he took the second remedy... he's like a different baby today! He is still fussy, but he has had two periods of about half an hour where he was not only happy, but BEAMING and playing and having fun!! Tomorrow should be even better.. but how he sleeps tonight should be the real test. Last night he only cried when he woke up at about 6:30am (rather than every 2 hours like the rest of the week). I'm hoping he brings back his 4-6 hour stretch like when we were in Charleston! Dr. Delaney said it was curious he did better in Charleston, because the remedy she gave us (the second one, the one we're on now) comes from a plant that grows on the seashore.

Luca managed to grab his feet this morning for the first time... he was so proud of himself! Then he couldn't get them in his mouth and got mad. Right now he is playing with my sweater sleeve while I type... it's so sweet. It's so nice to see him actually play. I feel like his development has been a bit delayed because of his crying all the time. He has so much more time to learn now!

Here we are at our favorite restaurant in the world, G&M. He made a big poop and we had left the diaper bag at home:

First trip = :)

Charleston has been good for all of us... especially Luca. He slept 6-7 hours every other night. On two days, he took a nap so long that the whole family got a nap. He figured out how to reach out and grab toys. He has pooped every single day!! The ride here (normally 4.5 hours) took 7.5 hours... hopefully the ride home will have less stops. But overall, we're all leaving here a bit happier than we were before!