Friday, August 21, 2015

A Mother's Belly

belly pic



A mother’s belly is soft
from all the love it holds, 
almost to bursting.
And in the world, you try to suck her dry.
You clench the breast that fed you.

Be kind to her,
and she will ignite with your touch.
Enveloped in utter bliss
you will die and be grateful 
to have tasted light and love. 

A mother’s belly is hard;
it pulls the salt from your wounds. 
And if you come near enough,
it will engulf you 
and you will cry beneath her.

Be true with her
and she will let you near.
No matter how hard you try,
you cannot hold all of her. 
But she can hold all of you. 

A mother’s belly is a cave. 
A feathering of stone,
rippled by the hours of burden,
traveled only by the bravest
and the meekest. 

Be here with her
and she will guide you.
A vessel almost painless,
this water colored temptress
needs only your attention, undivided. 

A mother’s belly is a well;
you cannot see the bottom.
Look, if you dare.
She will look back,
and she will anchor you, in her gaze. 

Be strong with her
and she will lead you down
to a falling, healing place.
Trade in your arms for branches, 

and be welcomed home at last.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

What's it like being a social sciences major?

So, a lot of people don't even know what the social sciences are or what people study in that field, and that's a real shame! Some people even go as far as thinking nobody does ANYTHING in those departments, just because nobody makes TV shows about those kinds of jobs. But I can assure you potential college majors in the social sciences (and the parents of these students) that there is some really fascinating and important work being done in these fields.

cartoon,culture,funny,true,women-156d1ae8b8b3955bb28c2454210e38b2_h

On the first day of Anth 101, many students are told that we "make the strange familiar, and the familiar strange." But what the heck does that mean, exactly??

Just take a look at some of these paper titles of an undergrad at UNC Asheville, who majored in Sociology with a concentration in Anthropology. I'm sure it will be clear as day what kinds of insights are gained through this work, once you get a sense for the ground that is covered:



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So there you have it. I'm sure you now have a much better idea now of why we social science students spend hours and hours pouring over books that have titles that make absolutely no sense until you read the entire thing.... or why we are comparing notes on what our professors said last week in lecture and still scratching our heads, even though we don't have to do a lot of math or anything.

Every lecture we leave the building either feeling like:


resized_all-the-things-meme-generator-understand-all-the-things-cc4589



... or feeling like:

everything-i-know-is-a-lie



And even sometimes like this:

not-sure-if-i-get-it-or-theres-nothing-to-get



And forgive us if all of your conversations with us end like this:

fox3



We ponder about the patrilineal patriarchy and its preposterousness!
We contemplate the acculturation of cultural relativism!
We think about the legitimacy of linguistic lineages!
We study animism and its assimilations through archeological accumulations!
We diagnose differential access and the discrimination that dictates its dispersal!

That's what we do, in the social sciences.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

FOR SALE!

All prices are completely negotiable... make me an offer! I am motivated to get rid of these.

Asheville locals only please.

These diapers were all washed with soap nuts and other appropriate free and clear detergents only, for the duration of their use, and maybe some white vinegar from time to time. I bought some of them new, and some of them used. Some of them don't smell good because they have been stored for a while.

I never cared about stains, because stains don't affect the diapers' ability to do their job, so most of them are faded, dingy, or are stained. If you want more detailed photos of a certain item, let me know through Facebook.


ALL POCKET DIAPERS include microfiber inserts, though they may not be the original inserts.

$6 for both, SIZE ONE Thirsties brand covers:

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$5, Thirties brand cover, SIZE TWO:

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$5, Flip brand cover, ONE SIZE:

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$15, 13 Large sized prefolds, unbleached, organic cotton:

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$15, 15 Green Mountain Diaper prefolds, red edge (size medium), unbleached organic cotton:


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$5, 7 MYSTERY brand white prefolds, newborn/small sized:

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$10, 12 newborn or premie sized prefolds, Bummis organic cotton:


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$5, 1 size medium all-in-one diaper:

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$8 for both! 2 size large Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers, old and dingy:

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$5, 1 Apple Cheeks size two pocket diaper:

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$10 for both! Two Anne Marie Padorie one size pocket diapers (on the small side):


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All 4 for $10! Bum Genius one size pocket diapers (old, look like crap, but work fine):


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$10 for both! 2 Bum Genius one size pocket diapers (good condition):


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$5 for both! Two Fuzzi Bunz size medium pocket diapers (broken snaps, dingy):


2015-03-07 13.28.13
2015-03-07 13.28.00
2015-03-07 13.27.17
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FREE STUFF

Come to my apartment and pick it up, and it's yours!

Send me a message on Facebook to get my address.


FABRIC:



YELLOW polar fleece type thing (large piece taken, smaller pieces available), checkered cotton type thing, light blue felt cottony thing. 1-2 yards of each of the blue ones:

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TWIN top SHEET, T shirt material, faded, has small holes and stains:


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Cotton calico thing, like what dresses used to be made out of on the prairie:

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Very soft, stretchy, herringbone print, grey/black fabric:

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Old sweater pieces, good for making diaper covers (larger pieces gone):


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BRA:


Size 34 DD. Feels like wearing a cloud. Full coverage cups.

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CLOTH DIAPERING: 

(PENDING) 5 really big, toddler sized prefolds. A bit dingy, a bit stained:


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A washable liner (I also have a bunch of disposable ones):


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Random microfiber inserts:
(not pictured)

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Is YOUR relationship healthy?

There is plenty of research out there on what is an ideal, healthy relationship. There is plenty of information available on what is an unhealthy relationship, as well. But, in the real world full of gray areas and ambiguity, what does an actual, happy relationship look like? I know hardly any people who fit neatly into either of those two extremes of "bad" or "good" partnerships.

I hear all kinds of things that seem contradictory:

"Couples who are happy rarely ever fight!"
"It's normal and healthy for couples to fight!"

"Happy couples know each other because they talk all the time!"
"Couples who are happy know what the other is thinking without having to say it!"

"Opposites attract!"
"Happy couples are a lot alike!"

So, I was curious. I got curious enough to make a survey and ask my Facebook friends to tell me what their happy relationships are really, actually like. Most of my sample is therefore white and middle class, but as a fellow white-middle-class-er, I'm mostly interested in my own culture's perceptions of partnership satisfaction (at this point).

I asked participants to self select based on only two criteria: the relationship must have lasted at least 2 years, and they must consider it to be a "healthy" relationship. I asked for at least two years of time together, because I wanted to get only couples who were out of the honeymoon phase. I also hoped to end up with only couples who had lived together for some time, though I didn't ask that.

The questions were thought up by me. Most were based on what I personally think is an indicator for a healthy relationship, though some were thrown in because OTHER people told me they were supposed to be indicators, and I wanted to see if they were right.


 General Feelings About The Relationship:

1 how's it going

 Wow!! 75% of happy couples are thinking about how great their relationship is MULTIPLE times per week. That means their relationship is likely on their mind a lot in general. This makes sense, because you'd expect it to be a priority in their lives if it's doing well.

93% of happy couples only worry about the status of their relationship a couple of times per year, or less. That seems really high to me. But hey, I didn't say you'd get eaten by a dragon if you lied, so there's that.

We can conclude from this that it may be a red flag if you often think that things aren't going well in your relationship.

This may seem obvious, but think about it: if you're in an unhealthy relationship and are thinking to yourself several times per week that things aren't going as well as you'd like... and you ALSO think that this is NORMAL and EVERYONE feels this way, this frequently.... you might not accurately assess your own relationship, and you might fail to work on important things (or you might continue with a relationship that is clearly not working out).

Disagreements:

header 2.1 disagreement

Half of happy couples almost never have "bad" fights. The ones who do only have a couple every year... with a few spitfires seeming to marry other spitfires, over in the monthly category ;)

This is a big one. People often say that fighting is normal, and it is. But, just because something is normal... does that make it ok? And what exactly is "fighting" anyways? If most couples are NOT happy, then who cares how often the average couple is fighting? My happy couples seem to be pretty mild mannered.

And what about those disagreements that DON'T go nuclear, but DO get addressed? Well, my survey seems to say that disagreements are certainly frequent enough. But they're not every day, and usually not even every week, for most happy couples.

header 2.2 disagreement

The research says happy couples have five good interactions for every negative one (that seems low to me, but compared to couples headed for divorce who have one bad for every one good... sounds pretty good!).

Getting The Good Stuff:

header 5 affection

How often are happy couples affectionate with each other? ALL THE DAMN TIME.

There's already plenty of polling on sex, so I didn't include it in mine. Happy couples have sex on average 2-3 times per week, and all couples have sex on average of 1-2 times per week. But, those surveys don't ask if it's GOOD sex, so I'm wondering... if these couples REALLY enjoy each other's physical company, they'd be voluntarily doing stuff that is not The Sex, right? Right. So keep touching each other, you naughty monkeys. 

Communication:

header 6 finances

Conclusion? Happy couples talk about finances regularly.... and they rarely disagree about it. I think this gets filed under basic compatibility. If you don't have the same ideas about finances, your day-to-day life is going to be pretty rough as you try to come to compromises constantly, or if you're under stress because one spouse is bad with money, etc.

But what about raising kids? Arguably the most stressful job of all time?


7 child rearing

Happy couples talk about child-rearing regularly. 79% of them almost never disagree about it, or only fight about it a couple of times per year. That's funny, because 67% of couples say they are less happy together after having kids. (Which is a question I didn't ask- how did having kids affect your relationship?) But that's a poll of ALL couples, not just the ones that identify as happy. So, perhaps raising kids is a lot easier if you've got a strong partner by your side. Makes sense.

(Don't ask me why the options above are out of order, I'm not sure what happened...)

Ok, how about talking about your feelings? Love is a feeling. We are with people because we love them, so I assume people talk about those feelings, or they wouldn't have known the other person loved them and then they wouldn't be together. Right? Right.

header 4 share feelings

73% of happy couples talk about their emotions at least a few times per week. This is one of those things I hear about a lot, from friends in unhealthy relationships. They have NO idea what the other person is thinking and feeling.

One thing I forgot to ask with this question is.... who's sharing? Is just one person opening up, or are BOTH people equally open with their thoughts and feelings? I'm assuming that the next question addressed this, at least in part.

Equality:

My theory is that you need ALL PEOPLE INVOLVED in a relationship to be equally involved, otherwise it's just one person pulling a bolder uphill, while the other person is sitting on top of it saying "Pull harder! I'm pushing as hard as I can back here!"

And my numbers support my theory.

8 hard work


Most happy couples are working equally hard to keep that relationship healthy. Good relationships are hard work! But, it's always worth it when the other person is equally committed. 

DRAMA:

Drama is when things get.... well, dramatic. You have a couple of real life movie moments, and you find yourself thinking, "who would watch this movie??"


9 drama

Unsurprisingly, most happy relationships are pretty drama-free. But every once in a while, they may need a good kick in the arse.

Thank you to the 55 happy couples who contributed (one was me)! And if you're reading this and thinking "Well, shit, I don't think we're quite there yet", then good luck to you on your journey... whether you decide to cut and run or buckle down and give it the ol' college try (just make sure your partner is trying, too!). And I hope these survey results can help point you in the right direction so you know where to concentrate your energy,  and so you know what is actually reasonable to expect of your partner and of yourself.