Friday, October 2, 2015

Summer 2015: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

This was the best and worst summer of my life so far.


Ash and I have separated.

It all happened rather suddenly. From my perspective, things went from marvelous to not good in a matter of about 4-6 weeks sometime in April. There was a lot of resentment, suffering, and differential viewpoints surrounding certain events that all surfaced at once, due to various catalysts. I don't like surprises in general, but this one came with words that were especially hard to hear. When we did finally meet in a place of honesty, we found that what we wanted and needed in a life did not overlap much anymore. There were regular relationship problems too... codependency, for one. Shit that happens when you marry your first boyfriend before you're old enough to legally drink. But those kinds of things are fixable. What isn't changeable is Who You Really Are. So, I asked him to leave, and we separated. That was in June.


He's talking about sending me divorce papers soon. On one hand it's like... why waste time with the "will they won't they" crap when it's clear you are on different paths? And on the other hand it's like... how can an almost 9 year, BEAUTIFUL relationship dissolve so quickly? Was that speed really necessary? Was it the right choice? It felt incredibly traumatic. My first time experiencing heartbreak is this divorce. Ha! When we got married, I thought that it would be forever. When we had a child together, I thought Luca would grow up with parents that love each other. I thought I was gaining something that was secure and certain to continue to grow. Through losing the one thing I was absolutely certain of, I'm learning that nothing in life is actually certain. Mourning the loss of our life commitment has been incredibly painful. But I know we will always love each other. We will always be family.


Opening up to the impermanence of life has been enormously freeing. Without false hope and attachment and fear of change, life is actually a whole hell of a lot better. To the point where, for the first time in my life, I am experiencing zero mental illness. I didn't think that would ever be possible. Just a little over three years ago, I was standing on a bridge over 147, wondering how long my baby would survive if I jumped and left his stroller in the shade. I thought, maybe I'll wait until he's old enough to hold a sippy cup, so he won't get dehydrated. That's when I got help. Since moving to Asheville, I've continued to be a warrior on a self help quest. I've started doing Ashtanga yoga at least three days per week. On Saturdays I go to Contact Improv and on Sundays I go to Ecstatic Dance Church. I dance and cuddle and breathe and sweat my crazy out.

I also get a lot of love from a lot of incredible new people in my life. My network of meaningful relationships has doubled. No, tripled! I went from feeling incredibly lonely and isolated to having multiple things on my calendar every day. The abundance of life is overwhelming. I almost forget I'm sad, sometimes.

Alyssa and Redford moved in with Luca and I. We have an incredible little family together. The boys love each other so much, it's almost too much for my heart to bear to witness. And having two sister wives (HA!) raising two kids is a lot more equal and nourishing than most nuclear family dynamics. I love my job. I love the mountains.

I love myself. I love life.

Alyssa + Redford

Luca + Redford

Me + Jared + Christine

Jared + Tikva (photo by Mark Hyatt)

Tay + Rick (photo by Mark Hyatt)

Tikva + Me
2015-05-24 16.50.25
Jonah + Me

Brian + Me

Luca + Me

Friday, August 21, 2015

A Mother's Belly

belly pic

A mother’s belly is soft
from all the love it holds, 
almost to bursting.
And in the world, you try to suck her dry.
You clench the breast that fed you.

Be kind to her,
and she will ignite with your touch.
Enveloped in utter bliss
you will die and be grateful 
to have tasted light and love. 

A mother’s belly is hard;
it pulls the salt from your wounds. 
And if you come near enough,
it will engulf you 
and you will cry beneath her.

Be true with her
and she will let you near.
No matter how hard you try,
you cannot hold all of her. 
But she can hold all of you. 

A mother’s belly is a cave. 
A feathering of stone,
rippled by the hours of burden,
traveled only by the bravest
and the meekest. 

Be here with her
and she will guide you.
A vessel almost painless,
this water colored temptress
needs only your attention, undivided. 

A mother’s belly is a well;
you cannot see the bottom.
Look, if you dare.
She will look back,
and she will anchor you, in her gaze. 

Be strong with her
and she will lead you down
to a falling, healing place.
Trade in your arms for branches, 

and be welcomed home at last.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

What's it like being a social sciences major?

So, a lot of people don't even know what the social sciences are or what people study in that field, and that's a real shame! Some people even go as far as thinking nobody does ANYTHING in those departments, just because nobody makes TV shows about those kinds of jobs. But I can assure you potential college majors in the social sciences (and the parents of these students) that there is some really fascinating and important work being done in these fields.


On the first day of Anth 101, many students are told that we "make the strange familiar, and the familiar strange." But what the heck does that mean, exactly??

Just take a look at some of these paper titles of an undergrad at UNC Asheville, who majored in Sociology with a concentration in Anthropology. I'm sure it will be clear as day what kinds of insights are gained through this work, once you get a sense for the ground that is covered:

2015-02-28 13.12.03

2015-02-28 13.11.43

2015-02-28 13.12.38

2015-02-28 13.11.52

2015-02-28 13.12.46

2015-02-28 13.12.10

2015-02-28 13.11.31

2015-02-28 13.11.22

2015-02-28 13.11.13

2015-02-28 13.11.04

So there you have it. I'm sure you now have a much better idea now of why we social science students spend hours and hours pouring over books that have titles that make absolutely no sense until you read the entire thing.... or why we are comparing notes on what our professors said last week in lecture and still scratching our heads, even though we don't have to do a lot of math or anything.

Every lecture we leave the building either feeling like:


... or feeling like:


And even sometimes like this:


And forgive us if all of your conversations with us end like this:


We ponder about the patrilineal patriarchy and its preposterousness!
We contemplate the acculturation of cultural relativism!
We think about the legitimacy of linguistic lineages!
We study animism and its assimilations through archeological accumulations!
We diagnose differential access and the discrimination that dictates its dispersal!

That's what we do, in the social sciences.

Saturday, March 7, 2015


All prices are completely negotiable... make me an offer! I am motivated to get rid of these.

Asheville locals only please.

These diapers were all washed with soap nuts and other appropriate free and clear detergents only, for the duration of their use, and maybe some white vinegar from time to time. I bought some of them new, and some of them used. Some of them don't smell good because they have been stored for a while.

I never cared about stains, because stains don't affect the diapers' ability to do their job, so most of them are faded, dingy, or are stained. If you want more detailed photos of a certain item, let me know through Facebook.

ALL POCKET DIAPERS include microfiber inserts, though they may not be the original inserts.

$6 for both, SIZE ONE Thirsties brand covers:

2015-03-07 13.05.24

2015-03-07 13.05.12

$5, Thirties brand cover, SIZE TWO:

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$5, Flip brand cover, ONE SIZE:

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$15, 13 Large sized prefolds, unbleached, organic cotton:

2015-03-07 13.11.13

$15, 15 Green Mountain Diaper prefolds, red edge (size medium), unbleached organic cotton:

2015-03-07 13.11.26

$5, 7 MYSTERY brand white prefolds, newborn/small sized:

2015-03-07 15.18.04

$10, 12 newborn or premie sized prefolds, Bummis organic cotton:

2015-03-07 13.11.54

$5, 1 size medium all-in-one diaper:

2015-03-07 13.20.33
2015-03-07 13.20.38

$8 for both! 2 size large Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers, old and dingy:

2015-03-07 13.20.50

$5, 1 Apple Cheeks size two pocket diaper:

2015-03-07 13.21.41
2015-03-07 13.21.04

$10 for both! Two Anne Marie Padorie one size pocket diapers (on the small side):

2015-03-07 13.24.27
2015-03-07 13.24.20

All 4 for $10! Bum Genius one size pocket diapers (old, look like crap, but work fine):

2015-03-07 13.25.28

$10 for both! 2 Bum Genius one size pocket diapers (good condition):

2015-03-07 13.25.37

$5 for both! Two Fuzzi Bunz size medium pocket diapers (broken snaps, dingy):

2015-03-07 13.28.13
2015-03-07 13.28.00
2015-03-07 13.27.17
2015-03-07 13.26.58


Come to my apartment and pick it up, and it's yours!

Send me a message on Facebook to get my address.


YELLOW polar fleece type thing (large piece taken, smaller pieces available), checkered cotton type thing, light blue felt cottony thing. 1-2 yards of each of the blue ones:

2015-03-07 12.31.57

TWIN top SHEET, T shirt material, faded, has small holes and stains:

2015-03-07 12.32.18

Cotton calico thing, like what dresses used to be made out of on the prairie:

2015-03-07 12.33.47

Very soft, stretchy, herringbone print, grey/black fabric:

2015-03-07 12.33.56

Old sweater pieces, good for making diaper covers (larger pieces gone):

2015-03-07 12.34.38


Size 34 DD. Feels like wearing a cloud. Full coverage cups.

2015-03-07 12.39.34

2015-03-07 12.39.50


(PENDING) 5 really big, toddler sized prefolds. A bit dingy, a bit stained:

2015-03-07 12.43.55

A washable liner (I also have a bunch of disposable ones):

2015-03-07 12.46.09

Random microfiber inserts:
(not pictured)