Wednesday, May 30, 2012

My Big Boy

Some great things happened today!

We dropped Luca off at our friend's house (Danielle and Greg and baby Leo) to run errands for a couple of hours on our own (and have a nice date for our 3rd anniversary today!). We watched their baby on Monday for a couple hours while they did the same. Hopefully we can make this trade every month, or more often!

When we left him, he cried so bad. It was so hard to leave, but I knew lingering would make it worse so I didn't. I cried as we drove away, I couldn't bear the thought of him being sad because I wasn't there. We thought surely we wouldn't get more than 30 minutes before they would have to call us. But that call never came.

First, we were giddy with our newfound freedom. Then we were surprised by our lack of relief... we actually were weirded out by his absence. Then we accepted it and started to enjoy the quiet, and reminisce about the days when this feeling (of wandering and doing what we wanted to with our day) was normal. What on earth did we do with all our time back then?? We ate a sandwich and talked and held hands. We scoped out some cardboard and building materials in the dumpster. We picked up my server training manual at work. We had pur-erh tea and played a game of chess. We talked about life with a baby and how much we have changed as people since having Luca. We smiled and walked with enjoyable jitters down the sidewalk, from our tea. We wished each other happy anniversary and declared how much we missed our baby and couldn't wait to have him back.

We returned to find him sitting on Danielle's lap in the grass, and he smiled as we walked up. I gave him the most genuine hug and kiss I ever have. He shrieked he was so happy to see us. And then Greg and Danielle told us all about it... about how he cried whenever Leo was sad. About how he wouldn't let Greg hold him. About how he held the same leaf in his mouth for several minutes. About how he cried until Danielle nursed him for 25 minutes (afterward he apparently decided to trust her and he had a great time!). I was so relieved that he let Danielle comfort him in that special way, and that Danielle was brave enough to try it (even though we had already given each other the go-ahead on it). She even nursed both babies at once... a taste of what twins are like!!

luca's play date luca's play date luca's play date luca's play date luca's play date luca's play date
We got home and I put Luca down so I could use the bathroom, expecting him to cry and crawl after me as he usually does. But he didn't. He happily crawled away from me and toward his toys. He has NEVER done that. And he continued to play all by himself while I typed this. He fell asleep at 6pm. Danielle, I think you have magic milk.

Edit: Here are pictures and video from when Leo came to OUR house without his mommy and daddy!



leo sleeping on Ash

Edit two:

Here is Luca in his own bed!
Luca's very own bed

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Weird dreams

Luca slept 1.5 hours in a row, during a nap, both today and yesterday. He has even been playing on the floor for up to ten minutes, all by himself without crying. We gave him the first dose of that generic prilosec today. We had to get the prescription filled at a special "compound" pharmacy, which I didn't even know existed!

 I can't blame these dreams on the Valerian, I stopped taking it.

 Last night I dreamt Ash and I were driving around downtown Durham in a jeep with no top. We picked up my sister and brothers and were going to visit some friends. But then, the sky got all dark and the weather looked so bad, I didn't think we would make it home before a tornado struck. So we drove into a parking garage for shelter. As we neared it, I realized something weird was going on because there were tons of people in this parking garage, so many that they were spilling out onto the streets. People were remarking on how the toilets inside were "full" so you'd better pee on the street before going in! We went inside, ready to watch the storm, but soon several planes and helicopters were visible, sealing in the surrounding buildings with gray matter, ending with the building we were in. I realized the "gray matter" was billions of tiny spiders, which were spinning a protective web around the building to keep us from being hit by flying matter during the storm. I took out a notebook and pencil and started jotting down all the things I wished I had kept in the car, like army meals and a first aid kit, for situations like this. But then we realized things were really quiet, and that they weren't going to let us out not that the storm was over. Rumors started circulating that we weren't ever going to be let out, but had been captured for a government time travel program. Apparently there was a massive die-off in the future and they had come back in time to collect people to replace their dwindling population. So pretty soon we were being given iPads with instructions of how to blend in with our new lives. We were given nice cushy jobs depending on our skills (Ash and I were working in agriculture), and we were all given uniforms because everyone over the age of 16 in the future is automatically in the army. The uniforms were like in "Avengers" (which I have only seen on the internet, I have not seen that movie). Ash and I kept turning into Andrew bird and his wife, who were playing us in the filming of the the movie version of what was going on. Then we disembarked and saw our new home: adorable little cottages by the sea... the ocean was now right up against downtown Durham, which was surrounded by desert as far as the eye could see. The houses had multilevel platforms on the inside, which served as beds and eat surfaces. It was a very efficient use of space, I remember thinking.

 Then this morning I had a nightmare that Luca was chocking on some chicken that I chewed up for him. I looked at him and his lips melted off his face. I kept "waking up" in bed over and over but I really wasn't awake. A round, older hispanic woman told me "babies may give you stretch marks, but they do WONDERS for your legs!" I tried looking at the clock but it was encased in a diamond so I couldn't read it. My blankets were suffocating me, wrapping tighter and tighter, and I screamed and screamed until I finally woke myself up.

Monday, May 21, 2012

play date

We played at Danielle, Greg and Leo's house! Luca loves Leo. They love being naked, ECing babies together!! IMG_2739 IMG_2738 IMG_2735 IMG_2733 The next day, we went to the Museum of Life and Science with my siblings. IMG_2743 museum all five of us

Friday, May 18, 2012

puzzle pieces

It seems that maybe reflux was a big problem all along. We have been giving him slippery elm during the day, and before going to bed. He started sleeping 5-8 hours every night at a stretch! Then yesterday we forgot to give him the tea and he woke every 1-2 hours like he normally did. I'd say that's pretty good confirmation that the tea is working for him.

 Our house plans are done! Our friend Greg made these in sketchup, since he knows what he is doing and I do not. And then he is going to teach me how to build this thing!!

 Originally, that left side of the house did not have the roof overhang extended out to the side like that (on the 2nd story), but I wanted to be able to sleep outside so I asked him to draw it covered. Looks a bit awkward right now, maybe with railings on that upper deck it will look more natural?

 The overhang on the left side, bottom story is for our outdoor kitchen! house plans 1 house plans 2 house plans 3 house plans 4

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I'm so tired! I feel like I'm going to be tired for the rest of my life. FOREVER. All the time. I work 3 days, watch Luca by myself on Sundays, cob and/or garden on my 2 days off... I think I'm overworking myself. My body is protesting. I finished cobbing the shed and started the top layer of earth plaster on one side. It looks really good. Hopefully I can finish it quickly, I'm having some plans drawn up for our "house" and I want to get started on it as soon as they are done. My dad has been thinking about buying a trailer so I'm hoping to get that this week, and then I can start collecting materials.

 I stopped taking my herbs for two days, because I ran out, and noticed a HUGE difference. By day three without the herbs (today) I just felt like crying all day long. It costs about $12 for 30 pills, and I take 4 per day... I've got to find a cheap way to do this!!

 I have tons of video and pictures on my camera. This is one from photo booth to tide you over:

 Luca is 9 months now. He has officially been outside me longer than he was inside me!! He is currently getting his SIXTH TOOTH!!! He still doesn't seem to be digesting solids... at all. It all comes out the other end looking pretty much the same as it does going in. And he is always on the verge of constipation. I might try fruit juice. Prunes are working well by themselves, though. I just hate treating the symptom, instead of the cause. I haven't pumped milk for him in a week or more... he just eats solids now during the lunch rush, and comes to nurse before and afterward. The prilosec prescription is still sitting on the fridge, unfilled. I haven't located any slippery elm to try yet.

I'm eating gluten again and life is easier. I just found out a bunch of stuff I was eating at the diner has soy in it. Soy flour, soy oil... IT'S EVERYWHERE! So maybe now that I know, he will stop crying to much?

He has slept two 4 hour stretches in the past two weeks. Let's hope this trend continues!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Healing

For the past three days, I have been taking herbs for anxiety, depression, and stress. It's already making a HUGE difference, and I can't believe I didn't think of this before! Valerian is forcing me to sleep peacefully each night, rather than fighting off panic attacks and 2am sob sessions. Rhodiola rosea and ashwaganda are bringing me out of that daily, dark cloud that has hung over me since he was born.

 Man, post partum depression is no joke. I feel kind of mad at my body, or my genetics, or whatever it was that had such a bad reaction to all these mommy hormones. I feel like it stole those first few months of my sons life from me, which were supposed to be happy. But at the same time, Buddhist readings prompt me to open my heart, and have compassion for myself as I go through this ordinary human trial. I breath in all the pain and suffering of all mothers everywhere, and I exhale peace for myself and them.


 This morning we went to the GI specialist. They don't think there is anything to worry about, he just is sensitive to something and probably has reflux. I'm going to research herbal stuff for babies, I bet he can have the same stuff I took when I was pregnant.

 We took Luca to the Museum of Life and Science for the first time today. Of course, I forgot my camera! But I took a picture on my phone of him crawling on the tornado-maker. He had so much fun. It was such a lovely day.

 What little hair he has is starting to CURL!!!