Flu :(

Well, we got the flu.

This is day 9 of respiratory symptoms for me, day 4 of a sore throat, but at least the body aches only lasted 3 days. Luca has been very sick too, but not sick enough to stop playing! Luckily Ash only got a sore throat and headachey symptoms, so he was able to get up and make food for us, etc. My parents are also helping when they can, keeping him occupied, but they too are mildly sick like Ash.

We have watched a stupid amount of TV and movies during this illness. But we didn't feel well enough to do much else. I haven't seen the sky in 4 days, and there has been an ice storm anyhows so we can't even go outside for a minute! Too risky with this cough.

Yesterday, Luca was sitting on the couch next to dada watching Star Wars (the bad one).... and he fell asleep. Just like that! All by himself. He has never fallen asleep all by himself before. He just slumped over and leaned on Ash's shoulder and was asleep.

Sleep update

On Christmas night, Luca slept through the night. He did it again the next night. He did it again last week. This week he has his fourth molar coming in, so it's back to super sad baby, day and night.

But we have seen the light at the end of the tunnel.... and it feels good.

Daddy has completely taken over nap duty... he puts Luca on his shoulder and walks him for less than 5 minutes and he's out. He will sleep for 1-1.5 hours alone, or 2-2.5 hours if we are with him. I just walked him to sleep tonight, while listening to a record, which is his favorite (and my favorite) way to go to sleep. Gives my poor nipples a break!

My favorite part of the day is first thing in the morning. When all three of us are in bed together, it's so nice. He's usually in a great mood when he first wakes up, and either starts playing silly games like "I see you...BOO!!" or giving us lots of cuddles. We keep books in the bed at all times for family reading time, and a couple of cute stuffed animals to practice giving hugs and kisses to.

Now that post partum depression isn't completely over-shadowing my life, I can actually enjoy breastfeeding a little bit. It's amazing how much easier life is when you aren't depressed every day.

I'm still moving forward with my gentle night weaning program... he was down to nursing every 4 hours until his tooth which put him back up to every 2 hours. I gave him ibuprofen tonight to see if it will help him sleep.

He's such an extreme child! He's happily playing for 5 minutes and then all of a sudden- WAAAAAAHHHH this scream that sounds like he lost his leg, but he only can't get the lid off of a jar. He's at level 0 or 100, no in between! If only I had known this about his personality when he was little, I would have understood his cries a lot better, and maybe not panicked so much about them. I have to raise my voice quite a bit- not because I'm yelling at him (ok, sometimes I do), but because he can't hear me over his own crying unless I do. He's whining and whining and finally I'm like "WHAT IS IT LUCA?? I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!" And he gives a more quiet whine, and then we say "use your words, tell mommy what you want" and he says very loudly "UP!" or "TITSY" (thirsty) or makes the nursies sign. All day long, my poor ear drums are subject to that WHINE WHINE WHINE. It drives me batty. Every want and need is this huge emergency to him. And mostly, he just wants to be held all the time so he can see what is going on up on the table, the counter, etc. And then he cries when he's not allowed to play with knives, or the hot stove, or whatever else it is that he's obsessing over.

I'm so excited about our tiny house. ALL of our possessions are in boxes in my mom's dining room or in the spare bedroom where we are sleeping. I'm proud to say a good 25% of my boxes are full of books!! I can't wait to move in the necessities and THROW AWAY all the rest of my crap. I always feel so good when I get rid of stuff.

Here is Luca and Leo playing together at the build site:



Sadly, this is the most recent family photo, taken by my sister:



I remember making him that bib when I was pregnant!

Christmas, Luca's first photos, building

Christmas:











Building the house:















Luca's first photographs:

Love

I found this photo on my mom's iPhone today. It looks like Aunt Alyssa walked him to sleep in her arms, and then he wouldn't let her put him down. So she did what Ash and I always do in that situation.



Now THAT'S love.


(And yes, also ridiculous. I wish you all babies who are deep, DEEP sleepers.)

Some photos

Found my chef hat my Uncle Johnny gave me when I was a kid.



Here are some pictures from a day he spent at Mamaw and Papaw's house while I was at work:







I'm so excited that his bottom molars are coming in!! Pretty soon, he will be able to chew real food!!!!

P.S. He ate AN ENTIRE BANANA TODAY.

Luca's first minor injury!

On the morning of Sunday November 11th, Luca tripped and fell into a still burning bonfire from the night before. Ashes went down his sleeve and burnt his arm. I stuck it in the cold river water right away, took him up to the house and put aloe on it again and again. It still blistered, but there were only small blisters from his wrist to his elbow. I covered it with non-petroleum jelly (some debate as to whether this helps or hinders) and nursed him for two hours while he slept. When He woke up, it looked a lot better so I knew he would be ok and be able to heal on his own. He did not act like it was hurting him any more, though I know from my own burns how much it must have hurt at first. But he never really cried too much. I covered it with aloe, calendula, anti-bacterial ointment and bandages every day after that for a week, and it is almost completely healed by this point. I wish I had pictures of the whole healing process, I'm so impressed with how well it healed and how QUICKLY!

He has started at least attempting to say EVERYTHING we say. He has added a couple animals sounds ("aka-dooooo!!" is a rooster) and will say "thank you" almost every time we say it. He also says "turkey", "cute", "mama", "papaw", and we made up a sign for watching videos of himself on the iPhone ("camera", while looking through a lens we make with our hand) which he learned after exactly ONE time of me modeling it for him. He also does a great fake laugh, to play along whenever we laugh.

We let him watch Mr. Rogers at my parent's house. I can't believe what an amazing program it is. The music has the most lovely original melodies, with whimsical lyrics that delight as well as teach. He effectively teaches all the values Ash and I hold dear, like self-compassion, emotional honesty, cooperation, love... I can't believe how much I'M getting out of watching this show. And there is VERY little editing and the pace is nice and slow... a touch slower than real life, which is also important to us. So far, this and live musical performances are all he has seen. It sure is nice to have something to entertain him for a few minutes, so I can eat with two hands.

At 12 months we experienced a period of easy sleep for Luca. He went to bed without any trouble and he was sleeping regularly for long stretches. But then his molars started coming in, and have taken their sweet time. He is back to waking every 2 hours at night, and nursing like a newborn during the day as well. It's exhausting, but Ash and I are taking turns doing the nighttime parenting now that he is old enough to not "need" nursing at night physically. We bought some herbal extracts for "calming kids" which works quite well. We also take turns sleeping in, in the mornings.

I feel I have really turned a corner, lately. This is day 6 of me feeling really happy. No depression, no anxiety, no stress, so self-hatred... I think it's a combination of some things I have been trying in therapy, my increasing comfort with being a mom, and my increasing ability to identify my needs and work to get them met. This past Wednesday, I looked at him and really FELT it for the first time... he's not a baby anymore. He's a little boy. And he is separate from me. This was a big deal for me, since most of my anxiety came from me absorbing any of his (perceived) suffering. I can also see a lot more how my struggle was feeding his difficult temperament.

Thanksgiving was so wonderful. My mom made some really great food, my dad built some really nice fires, and my brothers and sister and I played some really great music. Luca ate 3 or 4 helpings of thanksgiving dinner. I guess he just happened on be on a growth spurt day on that day, with such great food for him to eat!! Unfortunately, from all the talk going on he figured out the word "pie"pretty quickly. I don't let him have sugar, but luckily Mamaw had made Papaw a low-sugar pumpkin pie bars (made with honey and whole wheat flower). So I have been calling that "Luca's Pumpkin Pie", and he seems to buy it.


He keeps climbing under the end table and getting stuck in there.

Trip to Asheville

The day after we left, Superstorm Sandy hit and brought a whole bunch of snow to the mountains!! So our trip was very well-timed.

We ate at Rosetta's, Green Sage, Homegrown, Edna's... and we went hiking. Good food and the great outdoors is what Asheville is all about!! I also went to their giant Goodwill store and bought some stuff for mine and Luca's Halloween costumes. We went to HalloweEno together in Durham so we needed costumes!

Luca got sick halfway through the vacation, spiking a fever of 103.5 and refusing to nurse. He didn't nurse until 6 days later. The only clue we have is a couple white dots on his lower lip, which might mean he caught the herpes virus. Either that, or the molar that was coming in was bothering him so much, he didn't want to nurse. I felt pretty terrible because I was worried about my baby, and also terrible because of the hormone drop from a sudden lack of nursing. I was EXTREMELY engorged almost the whole time, which was very painful. Pumping brought little relief. When he woke up at night to nurse, but couldn't, I would give him a sippy cup of water and then daddy would walk him back and forth until he fell back asleep. But he would fall asleep initially at nighttime and naps without any effort of nursing, so that was nice. A few times he insisted on using my bare breast as a pillow... poor sweet baby, missed his nursies!! At the end of that week I actually got excited at the thought of him potentially weaning. Because of the D-MER, I have never got to enjoy nursing, and only stuck with it for his sake. But I'm glad he's back on it... my goal is still 2 years.

Luca also learned how to frown intentionally on this trip. So cute.













One of our managers, Amy, took this photo of the Elmo's staff dressed up for Halloween!