Blech

First half of the day was marvelous... we walked to Forest Hills park. The weather was a perfect 70 on Feb 1st! I made the most delicious muffins.

Then he pooped blood again (no more baked goods for me). I smashed my elbow on the fridge so hard I cried for like 5 minutes. He barely napped 15 minutes twice (except while on the walk), and cried all day. Then Ash dropped a 32 oz bottle of water on his leg while he was falling asleep. I'm so tired. I don't know how my nerves can possibly handle any more stress... I think the only reason I haven't gone insane is the relaxation technique they taught me in Hypnobabies. I know that's the only reason I'm sleeping at all.

I've decided it's morally wrong for me to knowingly do this to another baby (and it's torture for me, not eating or sleeping enough anyways). So either I go on the GAPS diet while pregnant and nursing with the next one, or I don't have anymore kids. Which means between now and then, I need to figure out how to live on only meat and vegetables, and some fruits (and once he stops nursing, eggs, butter, coconut, some cheese and yogurt can be added).

SLEEP

Monday night: 5 hour stretch followed by a 5 hour stretch followed by a 1 hour stretch (got out of bed at 9am)
Tuesday night: woke every 2 hours, refused to sleep past 6:30am.
Wednesday night: 5 hour stretch followed by 4 hour stretch followed by 2 hour stretch (got out of bed at 8am)

DO I SEE SOME IMPROVEMENT HERE? Let's see how tonight goes... if he keeps this up, by the time he turns 3 months old on the 9th, I really WILL have a different baby, just like everyone on the internet assured me I would.

And that means I can be a different mommy. A BETTER mommy. A HAPPY mommy.

I made pumpkin bread today... reduced the sugar and added maple syrup. Next time I will try all maple syrup. It takes some practice to figure out how much extra dry matter to add once you take out the brown sugar.
My mom is making homemade chicken soup for dinner. This combo is a winning one.

Happy third trimester to me!

One of our dogs (Louie) bit a kid last week (wasn't the first time he did something like this) and the parents called animal control. They have to hold him in quarantine for ten days to prove he doesn't have rabies... and then they are putting him to sleep. Poor dog, it's a shame he had to go this way. He's only about 2 years old.

And Taz has to get his tail amputated on Monday! He has a little tumor on his tail, and it's non cancerous but it's the kind that spreads pretty fast so they're going to take his tail off before it spreads to a major body part and become cancerous.

Today was a nice day... 90 degrees in the shade with low humidity feels like no big deal. I spent the whole day on the front lawn, reading. We moved the chickens from their indoor coop to their outdoor dog crate... they had so much fun! Bugs flew in and out and they even managed to catch a couple. We gave them an ear of corn to pick on.

I tried the "hand expression" method in the LLL book and a little drop of water came out my left nipple!! I was insanely excited. Probably too excited about a drop of liquid coming out of a nipple. But I think it's the coolest thing in the world that I make food :). Nothing from the right breast... it's funny, it feels like a totally different breast. It's a little smaller, less firm and the nipple is a tiny bit wider/softer. I think I might get less milk out of that one than the left one... but who knows! I don't want to make a self-fulfilling prophecy by dwelling on it too much. I'm reading the LLL book cover to cover and then re-reading the newborn parts before Lucca gets here. What an awesome book.

I bought a whey protein supplement at Whole Foods. Each scoop has 16 grams of protein and some chocolate, so it makes me feel pretty great. I make it with milk so I get about 24 grams of protein with every glass. I don't like the idea of getting my protein in this form (even though there's only 6 grams of sugar, it's technically a processed food), but I really CANNOT eat enough food to get enough protein. SO MUCH FOOD makes up 80-100 grams of protein.

Exercise (gentle walking is all I ever do) pretty much stinks right now. In the mornings it makes me SCARY DIZZY. In the evenings my back hurts too much to do anything but lay down. In the middle of the day it's WAY too hot. Sometimes I can lay down in the evenings for an hour or two and THEN go for a walk. If I don't fall asleep!

Sleeping is also getting harder. My chiropractor said not to worry too much about sleeping on my back, since it's really the only way that feels comfortable. My body seems to MUCH prefer sleeping 6 hours at night and then another 2 during the day. I know it's not technically "natural" for adults to sleep as long as we do at one time, so this change makes me happy... I plan on conforming to my baby's natural biological rhythm which will be sleep/wake/sleep/wake, and this is a good start for that transition. Ash and I already wake up most nights between 2am-4am to talk and get a snack.

We made fried fish with turnips, kale, and green beans for dinner. So much green stuff! And the kale/turnips came from our garden. Ash and I are having fun being in charge of grocery shopping and meal planning.

I'm considering my options for my "career". I think my dream job would be a teaching position with the Eno River Association, or a similar non-profit... maybe even director of education, eventually. But I would also enjoy being a Montessori teacher (possibly not mutually exclusive goals). Either way, I'm going to need some teacher training or some additional schooling. Montessori certification takes about a year and costs between $6,000-$10,000, depending on which programs you enroll in. Certainly cheaper than grad school. Ash and I have pretty much decided that while my parent's property and full time farming is where we want to end up one day... we're not quite ready to settle down just yet, permanently. Ash has this fantasy of raising our kid for a while in Charleston...and of course his music career makes a lot more sense there. I'd really love to live somewhere where I didn't have to own a car, and that's one place to do that. Living here rent free will be perfect for the first few years of raising Lucca, since we can save money and pay for my additional schooling much easier this way. And the great thing about permaculture is that it takes YEARS for fruit and nut trees to grow up and for soil to build... so it can just keep going without us for a year or two if we decide to leave and come back.

The Durham Youth Orchestra had it's last concert ever this week, since Mr. P, the director, is retiring. I took pictures and video, but that will have to wait because I can't find the cable for my camera!

Quinten made an amazing wooden toy box in woodworking class for Lucca. It's gorgeous but once again... no pictures until I find that cable.

I can officially say I am "2 months" along this week!

We got back from Atlanta at 10pm last night and I got up at 7am this morning to go to work. The dad was basically there all day, which was really frustrating, since I nearly killed myself to wake up and get there that early (not to mention cut our trip short to get home on time). I was shaking I was so nauseous, hungry and exhausted all day. Luckily he was kind enough to notice how tired I was, and he let me go home early. It's hard to get people to understand (and care about) my limitations, since nobody seems to care that I'm pregnant and that IT IS HARD TO BE PREGNANT. Everyone else works their 40 hours a week no matter what, I get it, I'm spoiled to be able to stay home and rest. But I refuse to let the guilt of the Protestant work ethic (from other people, no less) force me into being miserable. I WANT TO SLEEP.

The Atlanta trip was a nice visit, it seems that Ash's friends and family from back home are not only 100% supportive and excited about our farming ambitions, but are also 100% supportive of our home birth plans. Shocker!! We ate a lot of terrible food while we were there, it's amazing that there are actually towns that exist where there is nowhere to eat but Hardees or Applebees. I met Ash's Papaw and Nana for the first time. They are the sweetest old couple ever! Makes me wish I had bothered to wash my hair and put on something nice before stumbling into their front door after a 6 hour drive... Ash's friend Jay (who is a good decade older and was his mentor in high school) is moving to Berlin in a couple of years so we will officially have contacts in three European countries! And they are also planning to get pregnant soon so our kid will have kids to hang out with when we take them with us over there one day (assuming the global peak oil economic collapse holds off for the next 5 years or so).

I finally fulfilled my fast food craving by going to Evos today (the yuppie/hipster/hippie fast food place). I had the most delicious grass fed cheeseburger, baked fries, and organic chocolate milkshake. HIT THE SPOT LIKE NOTHING EVER HAS since I've been pregnant. I wish they were in Durham so I could go every week.