The job at Elmo's is the fastest paced and most physically intense job I've ever had. I think the only thing more physically demanding would be farming or digging ditches. Most people there work an 8 hour shift with no breaks (no sitting down, no eating, just taking sips of water whenever you can steal half a second). But it seems to be a great place to work, most of the people who work there have either worked there for years, or they keep coming back to work there over the course of their lifetime.
That restaurant is an extremely well-run machine. Everyone has their job, and there is only one way to do it or the whole thing falls apart. Theres a huge staff, and everyone's really friendly and saying "thank you" to you just for doing your job (though I do love that there is very little time to socialize, I've never been good at watercooler chit chat). It's refreshing to be in a job where I know exactly what is expected of me. Team work plays a major role, so everyone is always helping each other out (bussers sometimes greet customers and take their drink orders for the servers, and the servers will "pre-bus" some of the dishes off the table as they are serving, and hosts will collect menus for the servers to bring back to their station or let a busser know if they didn't see someone get up from a table). On Saturday morning, there was a rush from 9am-2pm. Someone would finish eating and WHAM there I was cleaning it the second they got up, and then WHAM someone would come right behind me and sit down to eat. There are 55 tables. Weekdays see 600 people per day, weekends 1200 people per day. I also like that at this job, the managers are just as busy if not MORE busy than the staff. I'm used to working for managers who are way overpaid for what they do, lazy, and overly critical just to boost their own feeling of self-worth. There's no time for that yucky business at Elmos!
Right now, Ash is bringing Luca twice to nurse. I have only been able to pump about 2 ounces until this morning, when I got 4 ounces. I'm supposed to leave at least 1.5 ounces per hour I'm away, so I'd like to get up to 12 ounces per day. I started taking fenugreek to boost my supply. Online, it said keep taking it until you smell like maple syrup... but I've only taken 3 doses and I already smell like maple syrup!! Either that, or I'm covered in actual maple syrup from bussing tables.
Luca has slept a 4 hour stretch every night for about a week. It's amazing. Last night, he only woke up TWICE!! It has been so great (and well-timed). Today I felt a TOOTH cutting in on the bottom left. So excited about that!! He looks so long and lean, and he feels very skinny to me. He's definitely not a chubby baby anymore, he looks like a big boy. Working has been good for me... I'm physically exhausted but mentally a lot firmer. There's no time to think about anything but work, at work, so it gives me a break from all the obsessive anxious thought wheels spinning in my head.
Showing posts with label breast feeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breast feeding. Show all posts
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Friday, October 28, 2011
11 weeks
So many changes this week... he now laughs directly after we interact with him, rather than there being a 15 second delay. I can also lay him down on the floor or elsewhere and he will be happy for several minutes (WOOHOO). Yesterday, I was talking to him on the floor and my mom walked in the room... he turned his head to see who had come in. He had never done anything like that! It also looks like he can move his hands with slightly more intention... he has tried to rub his eyes a few times. His cradle cap is finally flaking off. Last night he slept TWO 4 hour stretches (I think?? I was too tired to pay much attention) but I don't fell well rested because he still woke me up often with his squirmy fussing (FAKE hunger signs?? grrr).
In the spirit of the fact that NO ONE sees enough breastfeeding, here is a video of Luca comfort sucking while he sleeps. Comfort sucking is different than hunger sucking... I should take a video of him hunger sucking for contrast. When they drink because they are hungry, the gulps are bigger and faster, there are no long breaks (their eyes may or may not be open), and the pauses in between sucks happen while the mouth is open (which is when they swallow). After 15-20 minutes of sucking, their brain releases a hormone (CCK) that tells them to go to sleep. This is one reason why pacifiers interfere with breastfeeding... they trick the baby's brain into thinking he's already full and it's time to go to bed. You can see from the force of his suck why it HURTS SO BAD in the beginning!
The second 30 seconds of the video is him being cute in his wool suit. I am really obsessed with wool lately. I really want to get some sheep and a spinning wheel and a loom and just become a little old lady who makes stuff.
Elimination Communication is going well... it's still only part time, but the day before yesterday I only used like 2 diapers all day long! My record is one diaper.
In the spirit of the fact that NO ONE sees enough breastfeeding, here is a video of Luca comfort sucking while he sleeps. Comfort sucking is different than hunger sucking... I should take a video of him hunger sucking for contrast. When they drink because they are hungry, the gulps are bigger and faster, there are no long breaks (their eyes may or may not be open), and the pauses in between sucks happen while the mouth is open (which is when they swallow). After 15-20 minutes of sucking, their brain releases a hormone (CCK) that tells them to go to sleep. This is one reason why pacifiers interfere with breastfeeding... they trick the baby's brain into thinking he's already full and it's time to go to bed. You can see from the force of his suck why it HURTS SO BAD in the beginning!
The second 30 seconds of the video is him being cute in his wool suit. I am really obsessed with wool lately. I really want to get some sheep and a spinning wheel and a loom and just become a little old lady who makes stuff.
Elimination Communication is going well... it's still only part time, but the day before yesterday I only used like 2 diapers all day long! My record is one diaper.
Friday, September 23, 2011
"Waaa waaaa waaa...."
He weighed in at 11 lbs 4 oz at his final 6 week checkup with the midwives.
I guess the plus side to having a baby that screams when he isn't wrapped is that I get plenty of exercise. Pace pace pace pace... he seems to really like Wu-Tang Clan. I think it's the bass? We always play the album that someone spliced with the Beatles. I think it is one of my favorite albums ever made.
But really.. I'm ready for him to grow out of the crying thing! It's supposed to get better after the fourth trimester, when they don't require to be physically a part of you 24/7. At least we get smiles in exchange for crying sometimes.
He got a little rash on his butt that is just right around his poop place, which suggests a food sensitivity. Oh joy! Elimination diets are ANNOYING. I still think it may have been all those muscadines I was eating. This is day 5 of block nursing to try and get my supply down... his poop looks better and is a few times per day now! But he still passes LARGE amounts of gas and cries all day while scrunching his tummy. Apparently this is normal newborn behavior, because the ped/midwives aren't worried.
Found a great etsy shop with Montessori stuff!
Edit: Two cute things in the last 12 hours he has never done before.. he smiled and cooed in his sleep (he has only ever winced and cried), and just now he stopped nursing, looked at me and smiled!
I guess the plus side to having a baby that screams when he isn't wrapped is that I get plenty of exercise. Pace pace pace pace... he seems to really like Wu-Tang Clan. I think it's the bass? We always play the album that someone spliced with the Beatles. I think it is one of my favorite albums ever made.
But really.. I'm ready for him to grow out of the crying thing! It's supposed to get better after the fourth trimester, when they don't require to be physically a part of you 24/7. At least we get smiles in exchange for crying sometimes.
He got a little rash on his butt that is just right around his poop place, which suggests a food sensitivity. Oh joy! Elimination diets are ANNOYING. I still think it may have been all those muscadines I was eating. This is day 5 of block nursing to try and get my supply down... his poop looks better and is a few times per day now! But he still passes LARGE amounts of gas and cries all day while scrunching his tummy. Apparently this is normal newborn behavior, because the ped/midwives aren't worried.
Found a great etsy shop with Montessori stuff!
Edit: Two cute things in the last 12 hours he has never done before.. he smiled and cooed in his sleep (he has only ever winced and cried), and just now he stopped nursing, looked at me and smiled!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I love bedsharing
I love bedsharing... 24 hours of precious moments every day! Last night he slept two stretches of 3 hours in a row (with a little break to breast feed in the middle)... so I kind of got 6 hours of sleep? Kind of?
Some things about bed sharing I have learned:
1) I think the fact that I never sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time keeps me aware of my surroundings as I sleep (including him). It seems like an impossibility that I would roll over on him or something stupid. I often wake up a few seconds before he wakes up, due to how heightened my mommy senses have become.
2) I DO NOT MOVE at all anymore when I sleep. However I fall asleep, that's exactly how I wake up a few hours later. I always sleep facing him and he always sleeps facing me.
3) Nighttime is easy when your baby is right next to you. It doesn't feel too much like I am doing "work", and it's kind of fun to feel your day extend into your night and to watch the sun rise in hourly increments...(I feel like I have missed a whole lot of beautiful, peaceful darkness all these years by sleeping a bunch of straight hours!). Luca stays pretty chill all night because he knows exactly where we are.
4) There is more mommy/daddy time when you bedshare. Several nights a week we will both wake up at 2am or 4am, and have a conversation while I breast feed him, or share our dreams we were just having, or cuddle, etc.
He grew out of the xs, newborn sized diapers last week:
And today... he COOED!!! Little tiny baby talk. REAL baby talk. And I think his smiles are real now. I just couldn't admit it for so long because his smile is so... GOOFY! It looks like a parody of a smile in an old fashioned cartoon. I have yet to capture that exact smile on camera, but it will be here when I do...
I tasted my breast milk today and it was TERRIBLE. It usually tastes like vanilla ice cream, so I think it has something to do with the fact that my diet has been 50% muscadine grapes. It turned his poop orange. I have got to start meal planning or something. I eat the same thing every day and my old hatred of food has come back to haunt me.
Last night we went to visit our friends Greg and Danielle and their lovely new baby Leo. I give you the first pictures of Leo and Luca... BABY FRIENDS!! Leo is so chill compared to Luca, I think their personalities will compliment each other well. Luca started a BIG fuss right before we left, but miraculously he stopped crying the second I put him in the car seat... he just looked out the window the whole ride home (it was his first night time drive, I think he liked all the lights).
We have yet to get a good picture of the four of us...
Thanks to Amanda Mae for making such a cut hat!! It came in handy today, it was cold!!
Some things about bed sharing I have learned:
1) I think the fact that I never sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time keeps me aware of my surroundings as I sleep (including him). It seems like an impossibility that I would roll over on him or something stupid. I often wake up a few seconds before he wakes up, due to how heightened my mommy senses have become.
2) I DO NOT MOVE at all anymore when I sleep. However I fall asleep, that's exactly how I wake up a few hours later. I always sleep facing him and he always sleeps facing me.
3) Nighttime is easy when your baby is right next to you. It doesn't feel too much like I am doing "work", and it's kind of fun to feel your day extend into your night and to watch the sun rise in hourly increments...(I feel like I have missed a whole lot of beautiful, peaceful darkness all these years by sleeping a bunch of straight hours!). Luca stays pretty chill all night because he knows exactly where we are.
4) There is more mommy/daddy time when you bedshare. Several nights a week we will both wake up at 2am or 4am, and have a conversation while I breast feed him, or share our dreams we were just having, or cuddle, etc.
He grew out of the xs, newborn sized diapers last week:
And today... he COOED!!! Little tiny baby talk. REAL baby talk. And I think his smiles are real now. I just couldn't admit it for so long because his smile is so... GOOFY! It looks like a parody of a smile in an old fashioned cartoon. I have yet to capture that exact smile on camera, but it will be here when I do...
I tasted my breast milk today and it was TERRIBLE. It usually tastes like vanilla ice cream, so I think it has something to do with the fact that my diet has been 50% muscadine grapes. It turned his poop orange. I have got to start meal planning or something. I eat the same thing every day and my old hatred of food has come back to haunt me.
Last night we went to visit our friends Greg and Danielle and their lovely new baby Leo. I give you the first pictures of Leo and Luca... BABY FRIENDS!! Leo is so chill compared to Luca, I think their personalities will compliment each other well. Luca started a BIG fuss right before we left, but miraculously he stopped crying the second I put him in the car seat... he just looked out the window the whole ride home (it was his first night time drive, I think he liked all the lights).
We have yet to get a good picture of the four of us...
Thanks to Amanda Mae for making such a cut hat!! It came in handy today, it was cold!!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Some observations on breast feeding...
One thing that is funny about breast feeding.... it's so different for every woman. I lost 10 lbs from the birth and another 10 lbs the week after. But then I haven't lost any since then... so I guess I just had tons of water weight to loose that second week? I sure peed a lot. Because if that weight loss the second week was due to breastfeeding, it would have continued, I think.
I know that I supposedly need MORE calories now than while pregnant, but I certainly don't feel more hunger, and I'm back to eating barely anything like I was before getting pregnant... so I should be loosing weight, but I'm not. I've always preferred being slightly hungry-ish by eating tiny amounts all day, and one thing I hated about being pregnant was all the eating I had to do to not pass out! But it's pretty funny how different breast feeding is for every woman, because I know some women gained weight while breastfeeding because their hunger was asking BEYOND what they needed, and some women were back to pre-pregnancy weight in no time because the weight just fell off. Looks like I'm somewhere in the middle... until he gets older and needs more calories and my milk gets richer? Maybe?
One thing that has increased is THIRST! I think I'm still drinking that massive amount of water that I was while pregnant.... like over 64 ounces a day. But there is no increase in pee, which is so weird!! (Yes I know, it is being made into milk instead!)
I have to say, I cannot say that breast feeding is "enjoyable" just yet. Mostly it hurts and keeps me sitting on my ass for hours. And with the D-MER, it makes me feel bad quite often. I know it will all be worth it though. I feel so sorry for him because he cries in his sleep so often, because his tummy hurts. It's because of how much milk I make. He is getting a larger amount of foremilk (his poop is watery and green sometimes, though not all the time, thankfully) which I just learned is higher in lactose which is why it makes him gassy and upset. So now I'm feeding on each breast for 2-3 hours, to help reduce my supply a bit and help him reach the fattier milk. It certainly works, my breasts feel smaller and softer. Now I just have to wait and see if his tummy is less upset for the next couple of days.
One thing I love is how little you have to worry... things have a way of always working themselves out, with breast feeding. The solution to every problem with mom or baby seems to be "more and frequent breast feeding"! Plugged duct? Breast feed. Baby needs soothing? Breast feed. Baby is sick? Breast feed. Baby has pink eye/ear infection/a scrape/a rash? Put breast milk on it. Need more sleep? Breast feed (while laying down!). Want the baby to calm down and probably fall asleep? Breast feed. Want to avoid 90% of the health problems in the first world? Breast feed. Baby poop is always changing in quantity/consistency? Just keep breast feeding. Baby spits up a lot? Just keep breast feeding.
It seems to be the only thing in the world where the best advice is always "do nothing". It really is a perfect system.
I'm suspicious that one reason so many women have trouble breastfeeding here/today is not only the total lack of community in general, but the fact that a huge chunk of these women grew up on formula themselves. If formula use can raise risks for SIDS, cancer, obesity, heart disease, ADHD, asthma, allergies, exposure to heavy metals... surely they should be looking at a correlation between moms who struggle with supply, for example, and whether or not they were formula fed themselves? It only makes sense that it would affect all areas of development. Not to the extent that it could be responsible for ALL BFing troubles, of course (it takes more than one or two generations of less-than-adequate nutrition to reverse 5 billion years of evolution... or to destroy God's design, whatever, same concept). It's estimated that only 2-5% (but certainly no more than 10%) of women physically can't breastfeed. But about 80% don't (and most of the rest supplement). Those are terrible numbers.... if it truly is all social reasons, that really speaks to the power and influence of culture in what it means to be human (and that is something I believe, as an Anthropology student!). I'm just saying, I wouldn't rule it out as a possible factor.
I know that I supposedly need MORE calories now than while pregnant, but I certainly don't feel more hunger, and I'm back to eating barely anything like I was before getting pregnant... so I should be loosing weight, but I'm not. I've always preferred being slightly hungry-ish by eating tiny amounts all day, and one thing I hated about being pregnant was all the eating I had to do to not pass out! But it's pretty funny how different breast feeding is for every woman, because I know some women gained weight while breastfeeding because their hunger was asking BEYOND what they needed, and some women were back to pre-pregnancy weight in no time because the weight just fell off. Looks like I'm somewhere in the middle... until he gets older and needs more calories and my milk gets richer? Maybe?
One thing that has increased is THIRST! I think I'm still drinking that massive amount of water that I was while pregnant.... like over 64 ounces a day. But there is no increase in pee, which is so weird!! (Yes I know, it is being made into milk instead!)
I have to say, I cannot say that breast feeding is "enjoyable" just yet. Mostly it hurts and keeps me sitting on my ass for hours. And with the D-MER, it makes me feel bad quite often. I know it will all be worth it though. I feel so sorry for him because he cries in his sleep so often, because his tummy hurts. It's because of how much milk I make. He is getting a larger amount of foremilk (his poop is watery and green sometimes, though not all the time, thankfully) which I just learned is higher in lactose which is why it makes him gassy and upset. So now I'm feeding on each breast for 2-3 hours, to help reduce my supply a bit and help him reach the fattier milk. It certainly works, my breasts feel smaller and softer. Now I just have to wait and see if his tummy is less upset for the next couple of days.
One thing I love is how little you have to worry... things have a way of always working themselves out, with breast feeding. The solution to every problem with mom or baby seems to be "more and frequent breast feeding"! Plugged duct? Breast feed. Baby needs soothing? Breast feed. Baby is sick? Breast feed. Baby has pink eye/ear infection/a scrape/a rash? Put breast milk on it. Need more sleep? Breast feed (while laying down!). Want the baby to calm down and probably fall asleep? Breast feed. Want to avoid 90% of the health problems in the first world? Breast feed. Baby poop is always changing in quantity/consistency? Just keep breast feeding. Baby spits up a lot? Just keep breast feeding.
It seems to be the only thing in the world where the best advice is always "do nothing". It really is a perfect system.
I'm suspicious that one reason so many women have trouble breastfeeding here/today is not only the total lack of community in general, but the fact that a huge chunk of these women grew up on formula themselves. If formula use can raise risks for SIDS, cancer, obesity, heart disease, ADHD, asthma, allergies, exposure to heavy metals... surely they should be looking at a correlation between moms who struggle with supply, for example, and whether or not they were formula fed themselves? It only makes sense that it would affect all areas of development. Not to the extent that it could be responsible for ALL BFing troubles, of course (it takes more than one or two generations of less-than-adequate nutrition to reverse 5 billion years of evolution... or to destroy God's design, whatever, same concept). It's estimated that only 2-5% (but certainly no more than 10%) of women physically can't breastfeed. But about 80% don't (and most of the rest supplement). Those are terrible numbers.... if it truly is all social reasons, that really speaks to the power and influence of culture in what it means to be human (and that is something I believe, as an Anthropology student!). I'm just saying, I wouldn't rule it out as a possible factor.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
1 month
Luca was one month old yesterday! He grows a little every time he naps, it's so weird. I didn't think I could literally WATCH him grow but... I can. I can't wait for him to be a "real baby", as my sister put it! He's one third of the way through the 4th trimester and then the more fun stuff happens!
He has had at least 2 or 3 nights where he has slept 5 hours in a row... and then one night a couple nights ago where he just cried for like 3 hours straight. I got him to stop crying once with the magic baby hold, and then I got him to finally fall asleep by rocking him while he was in the ring sling. I think being worn makes him feel like he is swaddled, because he loves it and it instantly calms him. But I never hold him in cradle hold in the ring sling... it creeps me out. It seems like his chin is right against his chest just like in the stupid car seat. Did I mention I HATE CAR SEATS? They need to design an in-arms car seat so I can nurse him without pulling over.
I'm going to a baby wearing thing tomorrow... I'm hoping to try out different kinds of wraps. I just went ahead and bought a cotton gauze wrap, because the Moby was SO HOT and the stretch was a bit unhelpful (and you can't do back carries with a stretch wrap, and I need back carries for when we start building our house next year). The wrap was on sale and I can return it if I want, but hopefully I will like it enough to keep it...because it was on sale for $45 and most non-stretchy wraps are over $100.
I have been peeing Luca in fun places... the bathroom sink, a parking lot, a mason jar I grab just in time from the nightstand... I wish I had the guts to go totally diaper free, but he just start pooping every day and I'm always really surprised when he goes in the diaper (he grunts, pushes, and farts all day long so none of those signs are reliable... and about 1 out of every 3 times he stares off into space he poops). The dryer is still broken but luckily there was some nice sun yesterday so I got some laundry done. I have to use 4 disposable diapers and NOTHING will ever get rid of the guilt form that!! Which is stupid, because every night when I'm nursing I eat 2 Lara bars and those have disposable wrappers... I just felt like I should have folded up my T-shirts before I started using disposables.
There are a bajillion perverts all up in my flickr ever since I posted some photos of me breastfeeding. Sometimes I forget exactly how public flickr is... so I'm changing those photos to "only friends and family". Someone requested I add some photos to a pool that was full of photos of moms breastfeeding.... and I think that's where the perverts are finding me. GO AWAY ALL HORRIBLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. I stinks to feel violated while doing something as sweet and innocent as feeding my baby.
He has had at least 2 or 3 nights where he has slept 5 hours in a row... and then one night a couple nights ago where he just cried for like 3 hours straight. I got him to stop crying once with the magic baby hold, and then I got him to finally fall asleep by rocking him while he was in the ring sling. I think being worn makes him feel like he is swaddled, because he loves it and it instantly calms him. But I never hold him in cradle hold in the ring sling... it creeps me out. It seems like his chin is right against his chest just like in the stupid car seat. Did I mention I HATE CAR SEATS? They need to design an in-arms car seat so I can nurse him without pulling over.
I'm going to a baby wearing thing tomorrow... I'm hoping to try out different kinds of wraps. I just went ahead and bought a cotton gauze wrap, because the Moby was SO HOT and the stretch was a bit unhelpful (and you can't do back carries with a stretch wrap, and I need back carries for when we start building our house next year). The wrap was on sale and I can return it if I want, but hopefully I will like it enough to keep it...because it was on sale for $45 and most non-stretchy wraps are over $100.
I have been peeing Luca in fun places... the bathroom sink, a parking lot, a mason jar I grab just in time from the nightstand... I wish I had the guts to go totally diaper free, but he just start pooping every day and I'm always really surprised when he goes in the diaper (he grunts, pushes, and farts all day long so none of those signs are reliable... and about 1 out of every 3 times he stares off into space he poops). The dryer is still broken but luckily there was some nice sun yesterday so I got some laundry done. I have to use 4 disposable diapers and NOTHING will ever get rid of the guilt form that!! Which is stupid, because every night when I'm nursing I eat 2 Lara bars and those have disposable wrappers... I just felt like I should have folded up my T-shirts before I started using disposables.
There are a bajillion perverts all up in my flickr ever since I posted some photos of me breastfeeding. Sometimes I forget exactly how public flickr is... so I'm changing those photos to "only friends and family". Someone requested I add some photos to a pool that was full of photos of moms breastfeeding.... and I think that's where the perverts are finding me. GO AWAY ALL HORRIBLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. I stinks to feel violated while doing something as sweet and innocent as feeding my baby.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Anxiety... explained!
So I was feeling seemingly random anxious moments throughout the day... but it turns out it happens before every time I have a let down! So I googled it, and sure enough, it's a THING! D-MER. My oxytocin goes up to bring on the milk release, and my dopamine goes down. CRASH. Instant bad feelings. And considering I have an overactive letdown... that's a lot of bad feelings every day! It's not so bad if I'm out of the house or interacting with people because I don't notice it as much... but I spend most of my time at home not doing anything. So I've emailed my herbalist friend Nick Fox and my homeopathic doctor to find some solutions. But I will probably have to just suck it up and deal. It's terrible though, I'm always scared someone is going to ask me a question right before a let down and I'm going to snap at them.
Luca's trip out of the house went well. He loved hanging out at Weaver St. Everywhere we go, people always remark about how alert, calm, and observant he is when he's awake. He weighed 8lbs 6 oz, which means he gained a whole pound in one week. So I guess I have nothing to worry about just because he only poops once every 36 hours...
He usually sleeps with his forehead directly against my chest, or on his own folded arms, or with his arms covering his eyes, or some other adorable arrangement. Last night the three of us fell asleep watching a documentary, and he woke me up FOUR HOURS LATER to nurse! I got four whole hours of sleep in a row!! The rest of the night he woke me up his normal every 2 hours, so I probably got 6-7 hours total. WOW. I feel amazing this morning, as opposed to yesterday when I kept randomly crying like a toddler who skipped their nap (and you ask them if they are tired and they say "NO!" and cry harder).
My grandma and Uncle came to visit... we got our four generations picture!! My grandma is so generous. I came downstairs every day to find the dishes washed and the laundry done.
Luca's trip out of the house went well. He loved hanging out at Weaver St. Everywhere we go, people always remark about how alert, calm, and observant he is when he's awake. He weighed 8lbs 6 oz, which means he gained a whole pound in one week. So I guess I have nothing to worry about just because he only poops once every 36 hours...
He usually sleeps with his forehead directly against my chest, or on his own folded arms, or with his arms covering his eyes, or some other adorable arrangement. Last night the three of us fell asleep watching a documentary, and he woke me up FOUR HOURS LATER to nurse! I got four whole hours of sleep in a row!! The rest of the night he woke me up his normal every 2 hours, so I probably got 6-7 hours total. WOW. I feel amazing this morning, as opposed to yesterday when I kept randomly crying like a toddler who skipped their nap (and you ask them if they are tired and they say "NO!" and cry harder).
My grandma and Uncle came to visit... we got our four generations picture!! My grandma is so generous. I came downstairs every day to find the dishes washed and the laundry done.
Monday, August 15, 2011
One week
ALL-consuming. That's how I would describe life with a newborn. :)
I now weigh 141 lbs. That's 20 lbs down from the pre-birth weight... in only one week!! My mom said she also lost weight really quickly. It's so nice not to have super swollen hands, feet, legs, etc.... I'm sure most of the weight was water weight. My uterus is shrinking fast. I have been taking pictures of my body in the mirror every couple of days, just because I can't believe how fast it is bouncing back! I expected it to take a lot longer. At this point, I almost feel like my old self again but a bit heavier.
Nursing is going pretty good. He doesn't poop as much as he should and he's a litte jaundiced. I took a look in the Dr. Sears Baby Book and he suggests switch feeding, which is good for sleepy jaundice babies because you latch, unlatch when he gets sleepy to burp him, relatch on the other side, and repeat. I'm not so good at it yet since I keep letting him fall asleep! He also is quite gassy... he often scrunches his legs up and tightens his stomach while sleeping, and sometimes does or does not pass gas. If he does not, he cries. Poor baby.
My right nipple is quite sore, even though the latch is the same for the right and left sides. In the beginning they both hurt like crazy (again, even though the latch was fine) because they both erupted with little blisters on the tips from being sucked for the first time. OUCH. I started a little care regime for the right side... dab with witch hazel and aloe solution, cover with coconut oil, cover with Lanisoh. It works well to sooth it. Engorgement really hurts!! My milk came in FAST since I have been eating giant bowls of oatmeal every morning and drinking two cups of tea every day (don't ask what's in the tea, I have no idea, it's a chinese post partum support blend from my acupuncturist). I didn't realize engorgement was a bad thing, but the Dr. Sears book says nurse as much as you can and ice it to keep it down, because they can't latch as well when you're engorged and it makes you prone to infections like mastitis!
Today daddy and mamaw took him while he was full and happy and I took a long nap (1.5 or 2 hours). It kind of freaked me out to wake up and find I had been asleep that long, since I really want him to eat every hour or so to make sure he is getting enough! Last night I tried something new, since he is capable of going 2 hours between feedings at night at this point. I would nurse at 11pm and set my alarm for 2am, that way I knew there was no way I could sleep through his hunger signs to a dangerous point (3 hours in between feedings is the max for a normal baby, nevermind an early jaundiced one). Then I would wake up at 12:30am or whenever it was he got hungry, nurse him, and reset the alarm for 3am. It gave me the peace of mind to sleep for those intervals.
Here is our set up. I sleep between the baby and Ash now, although at first we slept in a letter T shape because I hadn't mastered side nursing yet and I had to switch the baby back and forth at night (daddies are not allowed to sleep next to babies, they don't have the wake-up instincts not to roll over!!). All the newborn sized diapers, onesies, blankets, etc are all on the bed within arms reach. I don't know how people do this who have cribs in the next room! INSANITY.
I really can't wait for things to settle down and for it to feel like us again but... with a baby. I know I have a few weeks to go until that point. I can feel my herbal teas and my placenta broth carrying my sanity through this newborn time... I wish daddy had an equivalent, but he is getting a lot more sleep than I am so I know he can handle it better. He is SUPER DAD right now, taking very good care of me, really enjoying his son, and washing the diapers every day. I wake him up and night if there is a poop diaper, or if I have to get up and go to the bathroom (safe bed sharing tip! Always wake up and tell your sleeping partner if you are leaving the baby in the bed with them), but other than that he has been getting normalish sleep.
My goal is to go out with him on Saturday. There is a nurse-in at Whole Foods at 5pm and then our friend is playing an acoustic show at a coffee shop after that. It sounds TERRIFYING to be out of bed and in the world with him... but also terrifying to not get out into the world pretty soon. I've got cabin fever.
We tried out the Moby wrap... or as we like to call it... THE JEDI WRAP! Because ours is brown and looks like something Obi Wan would wear. Luca LOVED it. We didn't use it quite right (his head is supposed to be in the opposite strap that his body is in), but I'm hoping to figure out either that or the ring sling by Saturday.
I now weigh 141 lbs. That's 20 lbs down from the pre-birth weight... in only one week!! My mom said she also lost weight really quickly. It's so nice not to have super swollen hands, feet, legs, etc.... I'm sure most of the weight was water weight. My uterus is shrinking fast. I have been taking pictures of my body in the mirror every couple of days, just because I can't believe how fast it is bouncing back! I expected it to take a lot longer. At this point, I almost feel like my old self again but a bit heavier.
Nursing is going pretty good. He doesn't poop as much as he should and he's a litte jaundiced. I took a look in the Dr. Sears Baby Book and he suggests switch feeding, which is good for sleepy jaundice babies because you latch, unlatch when he gets sleepy to burp him, relatch on the other side, and repeat. I'm not so good at it yet since I keep letting him fall asleep! He also is quite gassy... he often scrunches his legs up and tightens his stomach while sleeping, and sometimes does or does not pass gas. If he does not, he cries. Poor baby.
My right nipple is quite sore, even though the latch is the same for the right and left sides. In the beginning they both hurt like crazy (again, even though the latch was fine) because they both erupted with little blisters on the tips from being sucked for the first time. OUCH. I started a little care regime for the right side... dab with witch hazel and aloe solution, cover with coconut oil, cover with Lanisoh. It works well to sooth it. Engorgement really hurts!! My milk came in FAST since I have been eating giant bowls of oatmeal every morning and drinking two cups of tea every day (don't ask what's in the tea, I have no idea, it's a chinese post partum support blend from my acupuncturist). I didn't realize engorgement was a bad thing, but the Dr. Sears book says nurse as much as you can and ice it to keep it down, because they can't latch as well when you're engorged and it makes you prone to infections like mastitis!
Today daddy and mamaw took him while he was full and happy and I took a long nap (1.5 or 2 hours). It kind of freaked me out to wake up and find I had been asleep that long, since I really want him to eat every hour or so to make sure he is getting enough! Last night I tried something new, since he is capable of going 2 hours between feedings at night at this point. I would nurse at 11pm and set my alarm for 2am, that way I knew there was no way I could sleep through his hunger signs to a dangerous point (3 hours in between feedings is the max for a normal baby, nevermind an early jaundiced one). Then I would wake up at 12:30am or whenever it was he got hungry, nurse him, and reset the alarm for 3am. It gave me the peace of mind to sleep for those intervals.
Here is our set up. I sleep between the baby and Ash now, although at first we slept in a letter T shape because I hadn't mastered side nursing yet and I had to switch the baby back and forth at night (daddies are not allowed to sleep next to babies, they don't have the wake-up instincts not to roll over!!). All the newborn sized diapers, onesies, blankets, etc are all on the bed within arms reach. I don't know how people do this who have cribs in the next room! INSANITY.
I really can't wait for things to settle down and for it to feel like us again but... with a baby. I know I have a few weeks to go until that point. I can feel my herbal teas and my placenta broth carrying my sanity through this newborn time... I wish daddy had an equivalent, but he is getting a lot more sleep than I am so I know he can handle it better. He is SUPER DAD right now, taking very good care of me, really enjoying his son, and washing the diapers every day. I wake him up and night if there is a poop diaper, or if I have to get up and go to the bathroom (safe bed sharing tip! Always wake up and tell your sleeping partner if you are leaving the baby in the bed with them), but other than that he has been getting normalish sleep.
My goal is to go out with him on Saturday. There is a nurse-in at Whole Foods at 5pm and then our friend is playing an acoustic show at a coffee shop after that. It sounds TERRIFYING to be out of bed and in the world with him... but also terrifying to not get out into the world pretty soon. I've got cabin fever.
We tried out the Moby wrap... or as we like to call it... THE JEDI WRAP! Because ours is brown and looks like something Obi Wan would wear. Luca LOVED it. We didn't use it quite right (his head is supposed to be in the opposite strap that his body is in), but I'm hoping to figure out either that or the ring sling by Saturday.
Friday, August 12, 2011
James Luca Hopkins: Born August 9th
Birth story:
(This is long and it doesn't spare any details, so read at your own risk. But it was a great birth so I encourage you to read it!)
For those who don't know...
Alyssa = sister
Quinten = brother
Jonathon = brother
Taz = German Shepard
Emmy and Calzini = cats
Ash = husband
Deb = midwife
Jane- midwife
Sam = assistant midwife
I don't have very many pictures. The birth caught us by surprise and it moved quickly. Let that be a lesson to you all! Prepare for that ahead of time.
August 7th-
We went grocery shopping and I ate a morning glory muffin and a big bottle of cranberry kombucha. We also stopped by our friend Keith and Kate's house thinking that we were going to have plenty of time to house sit for them in the coming weeks (I was only 37.5 weeks at this point!).
That night and the two nights before, Taz insisted on sleeping at the foot our our bed and Calzini came into our room every night. Emmy, as usual, was paying close attention to both of us. I thought it was weird that the other pets were being so attentive to me so "early", but I shrugged it off. We stayed up until about 1am talking and relaxing together.
August 8th-
5am- I woke up with tummy cramps and funny dreams. I got up to pee with the same uncomfortable pressure in my midsection I had been having for the past 3 or 4 nights (I hadn't been sleeping well due to a lot of pressure on my liver). I got back into bed onto my left side and started to fall asleep again, when WOOSH! Out came a whole bunch of warm water. I said "Uh, honey! I think my water just broke!" and Ash said "Oh, really? Are you sure?" And then he felt the bed and said "Oh yeah, definitely! I guess we should call Deb." "Oh, should we?" "Well… there is fluid coming out of you!" I got up and went to the toilet and much more water came out of me, along with a little mucus. Ash called Deb but she didn't pick up (she had left her cell phone in New York and was using an alternate number that we didn't have). We called Jane instead and she picked up and told us to make sure the fluid was clear. She told us everything sounded fine and that the baby would probably be here within 24 hours (that's when I heard Ash on the phone in the next room go "Woah, really?!?"). She gave us Deb's alternate number and we called her and told her the same info. She told us to call her the second the baby moved, and to tell us if we stopped feeling him move.
Ash opened the bedroom door and all of the pets were outside the door. They knew exactly what was going on. He grabbed our birth plan off of the dresser and gave it to Quinten (who was awake for some reason) and told him that my water broke (he seemed pretty shocked and confused as to what that meant exactly, but very excited). Ash knocked on Jonathon's door as well but he fell immediately back asleep (later he said he thought it was a dream).
We knew from our childbirth class that we should continue as normal with our day so we went back to bed. We were both in a lot of shock that the baby could be coming so soon. I was having mild contractions and shaking all over. I put on my Hypnobabies Fear Clearing track. I felt a little nauseous so I began sucking on ginger candies one after another. I then listened to the Deepening track and fell back asleep (sort of) after I stopped shaking (maybe from fear, maybe from the labor starting). It was such a relief to have the water break; I didn't feel any extra pressure on my cervix, but there was no pressure on my liver anymore!! The contractions were pretty close together (5 minutes apart, 2.5 minutes long). I felt them in my lower belly and thighs. We timed them with the app on Ash's iPhone until they got farther apart. I started to go into a sort of trance and time was flying by…
6:30am- He moved- we called Deb. She said she would check on us in a few hours. I listened to my Birthing Day Affirmations track (saying to myself in my head "even though it's probably not my birthing time"). Saying each one out loud really helped calm me down so I could rest. The CD continued through to the Pregnancy Affirmations. I fell asleep listening to music by Rosebud, which was a part of my labor mix tape I made for myself.
10:30am- We got out of bed later and I told Ash that I was starving. He went downstairs to make us food (oatmeal and yogurt) and to tell my parents that my water had broke. I think I remember checking my email, sending an email to our friend Keith saying we couldn't house sit, and sending an mail to Alyssa to let her know to start driving from Asheville. I also wrote down a couple of things I needed from the grocery store so I could send everyone out of the house for a little bit. The contractions had really slowed while I rested (every 15 minutes, at 1 minute long).
12pm- Ash put on some Louis Armstrong for me while he ran around getting things ready for the birth. I went downstairs to start walking around to kickstart labor again.. and I was really hungry once again. In the next four hours, I ate a peanut butter honey sandwich, a peach, some grapes, crackers with cream cheese, a bean and cheese burrito, and a chicken sausage. My body knew what was about to happen!
3pm- Deb came over to check on me. My contractions were now 10 minutes apart and 1 minute long. Based on my contractions and on the line on my backside, she estimated I was 3-4 centimeters and progressing well (I had requested no internal checks). Contractions were really easy to handle at this point with my eyes closed. I was making some soft sounds. It felt like a lot of pressure on my cervix and I often found myself leaning back, belly lifting, or doing other things to make the pressure greater and encourage each contraction to be longer and stronger. I could hear a voice inside taunting them ("That's all you got? That was nothing. More more more!"). Deb said to call her later in the evening when things would probably pick up. She said to rest or sleep if the evening came and went and things weren't getting more serious, since I could always wake up in the morning and push him out then. We asked how we would know when to call and she said "Oh… you'll know!"
5pm- My sister arrived from Asheville. My sister, my mom, Ash and I took my birthing ball outside where it felt lovely to just bounce on the front lawn (leaning backwards while Ash supported me with his arms) during contractions. I looked up at Ash at one point and said "Honey, you're all golden!" (my friend Robin said be sure to notice if you can see people's auras like in the Ina May books!). Gold was definitely the color I would give to describe my labor. Everything shimmered with a golden glow.
We came inside because it was a bit warm (90 something) but there were too many distractions in the kitchen and I became annoyed because there seemed to be more and more people around (Jonathon wasn't leaving to go to Raleigh for the night after all, and Quinten had invited a friend over instead of leaving as well). We went upstairs to the bedroom and things started to pick up. We put on the track Easy First Stage on repeat.
7pm- things started to really pickup once I was alone in the bedroom. Contractions went from 10 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart in those next two hours. This is the part where my memory is fuzzy. Some real magic started happening. I first sat on the birth ball and hung from the handles of my dresser drawer for support, leaning on pillows sitting in an open drawer in between pressure wave Then I laid on the bed with Ash, and I put a hot bag of rice on my tummy. Whatever noise I made, Ash made it with me (this helped a lot for some reason). Then I moved to the toilet, holding myself up during pressure waves by using my arms on the seat in between my legs. I rocked back and forth saying "OOOOPEEEEN" over and over with Ash (at this point I would open my eyes and sort of drunkenly smile at my mom, sister and Ash in-between waves. I also remember kissing my husband). Alyssa joined in the chants of "open" and the energy of the situation escalated quickly as if we were in some kind of movie seance. I started to have the urge to bear down with each wave. Deb was right… Ash knew it was time to call her.
I moved onto the bed and my sounds got louder and louder. The energy was getting so intense that I wasn't staying calm in between contractions anymore, and my sounds were getting to be loud and high pitched. My husband got a little worried about me since things were escalating so quickly and I wasn't able to keep up with the intensity. He had stopped making noise with me at this point, to try and calm the vibe down a little bit. The assistant showed up and started trying to help with the birth pool, and made sure all the supplies were there that she needed. I think at this point the consensus was that the birth pool wasn't going to happen (not that I cared, I couldn't imagine getting out of the bed at this point). At least inflating the pool gave the other men in the house a project to do downstairs, and the air pump created a lot of white noise in the house that wasn't unpleasant. I remember the assistant looking at me when she arrived and she said "you're doing awesome!" and I was thinking "NO I'M NOT!"
10pm- When Deb got there she said "you are making some fabulous sounds!" and she reminded me to keep my sounds low. It sounded impossible but I tried it anyways… it did help me stay calm and I regained enough composure to feel more calm between contractions. I asked when I would reach transition and she said "Uh just a hunch… but I think you're already there right now!" My noises were completely involuntary at this point, they started low and ended somewhere a little higher, but every time I used every ounce of breath and volume that I had because it felt amazing to do so. Deb asked if I wanted to try hands and knees since I had been on my back for some time. I flipped over and leaned on a big stack of pillows, holding my husband's hand and wailing with each wave. My eyes were closed most of the time.
In between contractions I started whimpering, and it was at this point that my experience became extremely dual: there was Ego Me, and then there was the Birthing Me that took over during each wave. I would call her Birthing Woman. Birthing Woman knew exactly how to move and what sounds to make. She knew to laugh and to smile. She wasn't scared at all. But Ego was trembling in between each wave, was whimpering, and was looking at Ash for reassurance. Ego was asking questions quietly like "Is he coming? Is he really coming?" My mom or my sister were rubbing my back, and I think I remember my mom pulling my sweaty hair out of my face. I also vaguely remember them telling me I was doing awesome, and it really reassured Ego that everyone around me was so positive. Birthing Woman had no idea where we were or who was in the room at all.
Deb said "G, are you resisting these a little bit?" and Ego answered "I have no idea. Maybe." and Deb said "Yeah, I think you are. Really bear down with this next one." Birthing Woman said in my head "Duh, that's what I've been trying to do!" And I REALLY pushed with the next one. It was so easy to get him down into the birthing canal with these few pushes, but it took a lot of my strength and I collapsed onto my side, no longer able to stay on all fours. Birthing Woman wanted my legs as far apart as possible. Ego almost fell asleep at this point. I was so tired. I actually remember things going black and me having to shake myself back awake. I remember thinking "Can't we just go to sleep now?" and Birthing Woman said "That's ridiculous!" so I pushed as hard as I could with each contraction. I smiled a few times because the Hypnobabies track was still on in the background, and every once in a while it would remind you to smile in between each wave. Everyone would chuckle when I did this.
11pm- With every wave, Ego thought I had used all my strength and that my voice would give out. But Birthing Woman said "No way, we're almost there!" I didn't believe her so I asked Deb "When do I push the baby out?" and she said "You ARE pushing the baby out!" and Ego was shocked we were already at that part. I asked the assistant to skip to the next track on the CD called Pushing Baby Out. They started encouraging me to push harder with every wave. I don't think I was pushing very effectively for a while because Deb first asked me to lay on my left side, and then asked me if I wanted her to show me where to push. She said she could put her fingers inside me during the next wave so I could feel where to bear down. I said ok, and even though the feeling of her fingers shocked me at first, I soon realized exactly how far down to push (I didn't even know my PC muscles existed down that low). Deb continued to use her fingers to guide every wave, and it became very reassuring for me and things moved more quickly. They had been checking his heart rate on the doppler with about every other wave (or less?) and it stayed perfectly steady the whole time.
Deb told me to hold my legs back with each wave because I was wasting a lot of energy writhing them and flexing them with each push, and Ego shouted "NO I can't do that!" My mom grabbed my right leg and my husband grabbed my left leg and they pulled them back for me. Alyssa had a cold rag on my face and neck in between each wave, which felt amazing. Pretty soon, Deb looked at me and said "I can see his head!" and by the next push everyone else could see it too. Alyssa shouted "He's a brunette!" I could hear the hypnosis CD in the background saying I could push between pressure waves if I wanted to, but I did not want to! I did bear down a bit in between because I could feel that it kept the baby from sliding back each time. At one point, Ash reached down and touched his little head while it was still inside me, and at some point after that, I did too and it made me smile. I was so happy that even though I was working my butt off, it seemed so easy and natural for a baby to fit down and out. It surprised me how little his head felt and how capable my body felt of stretching for him, especially with Deb's fingers in there to stretch me and guide him out. Birthing Woman started to get annoyed that the baby wasn't out yet, but now that Ego was on her side, it only took a few more pushes before Deb said "it's only a matter of minutes now!" I couldn't believe that it was almost over already. Time seemed to fly by, but I had no idea what time it was and that I had been pushing for an hour and a half! My mom and sister were getting quite excited during each contraction because they could see he was seconds away from coming out. Their verbal encouragement really helped. Ash was staying so clam and positive at my side, and every time he looked at me and said I was doing great, I believed him. With every push I turned and asked him "Is he really coming?" and he said "Yes, I promise! I can see him."
August 9th-
12:30am- I felt a slight burning and I knew that meant his head would come out with one more push. I bore down with all my might and I could feel his facial features on the skin of my labia. My mom and sister immediately started crying and my mom said "One more push and the baby will be out!" I felt Deb reach down and pull the cord off from around his neck and then I pushed out his body with little effort. I felt an intense rush of relief and the whole room looked golden and shimmering as I looked down at my son for the first time. Deb said "Reach down and grab your baby!" and Ego stammered "I don't think I can" but at the same time Birthing Woman reached down without hesitation and brought him to my chest. He gave a very soft, single cry and I heard my mom say "He's nice and pink!" He opened his eyes and looked right at me for a good while. I stroked his head and body until he stopped crying. They laid blankets over both of us and I looked at Ash, wordless, and we both stared at him in amazement. Neither of us had the energy to cry at this point, but that was ok because my mom and sister were doing plenty of that for the both of us.
Deb said the cord had already stopped pulsing and that she wanted to cut it. It was a bit short and was pulling at my placenta which was still inside me. Ash cut the cord, and my mom said "There, now he is his own entity!" and then Deb asked me to push out the placenta. I couldn't imagine pushing any more, but it was such a wonderful relief to have that thing finally out of me. I started looking forward to the sleep I hoped I would get, but soon all memory of sleep faded as I rode that hormone high.
People were cleaning up around us when Sam weighed him (I guessed his weight exactly, 7lbs 4oz… that was Birthing Woman's last appearance). They put a little hat on his head and then they asked me to get up so they could change the sheets for us to sleep. Deb said my bladder was full and I should try to pee, but I said "I can't remember how to pee. I can't pee!" Ash got up to pee himself and to wash his hands. I can't remember how my mom changed the sheets because I certainly couldn't move my own legs and they had to be lifted for me to merely sit at the edge of the bed. I think I held the baby the whole time, but I can't remember. I remember Ash kept saying how cute he was. I remember being very confused about how we were going to sleep, and my mom assured me that we wouldn't need a guard rail for a while because our bed was huge and he couldn't roll out of it. So I laid in-between Ash and the baby. Deb told me what to watch for in myself and in the baby and to call her if any of those signs appeared. I remember her saying that he needed to latch onto my breast within the first 24 hours, because he hadn't done so yet. I know Ash slept that night because I remember watching him and the baby sleeping… but I didn't sleep a wink. I was watching him breathe the whole time.
We practiced breast feeding for the first time the next morning about 7 hours post birth, which is a really long time to wait. He had such a super receding chin that it took him all day before he got one good latch. When Deb came over the next morning, she showed us Football Hold and he had an easier time with that. The LLL breastfeeding book has been invaluable; even though I read it cover to cover twice while pregnant we still refer to it every day to make sure he is on track. I basically nurse him whenever he is awake, which is basically every hour or more often. When he isn't sleeping he is lying next to me or on me, both of us naked. He is always sucking all the time, even if he isn't actually drinking, which is why my milk came in early and in huge supply (he was "putting in the order" as the LLL book says). Now that my milk is in, he has had a few good healthy sized breast milk poops (the second day he had like FIVE meconium poops, then nothing the third day except a little green foam, and then his first real poop late that night). My breasts are VERY swollen and tender and my nipples are tender too… but it's worth it to see his little face so happy all the time. Seriously, this kid has zero reasons to cry because someone is always cuddling him or feeding him. He's so quiet. Most of the time we stare at him and talk about how cute he is. We have also been cuing him whenever he poops and pees, in preparation for ECing. We're looking for his own cues but they're a bit hard to see right now. He does make little noises before pooping, but he poops randomly when breastfeeding (not sure how we are going to catch those!). I weighed myself this morning… I think I was about 160 before giving birth, and now I am 151.
I remembered an image I saw in the Birthing From Within book of a woman "roaring the baby out" (a pregnant woman's body on her hands and knees, with a lion's roaring head). I thought it described birth for me exactly:
My voice was hoarse for a day from all that roaring! Ash said he has never heard such powerful sounds coming out of a human. I couldn't really move my arms and legs for a good day or two because I had ripped up all the muscles in them while pushing. But I didn't have any tearing of the perineum. Other than normal tenderness (and a laceration to one of my inner labia), my own recovery has been ideal.
Everyone keeps telling me how great my birth was, and my mom said she was totally sold on Hypnobabies. This made me feel good, since my birth certainly wasn't 100% pain-free (I'd say 85% pain-free) or super calm like the ideal Hypnobabies births in the videos. But it was certainly a great birth with zero complications and lots of positivity. I was not consciously using the hypnosis tools the entire time. I would be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind at some point "I am NEVER doing this again!", but I'd also be lying if I told you that I actually believed that! If that mindset of "relax and allow your birth to happen" hadn't been automatically programmed into my head by Hypnobabies, I think I would have stalled my labor for a long time with all of my fear.
The fear and intensity that my Ego experienced was paralyzing, and it would have inhibited me from letting go so Birthing Woman could do her thing. If I hadn't had a natural birth, I know that the drugs would have also completely silenced Birthing Woman. There is no way I could have been that spiritually engaged if I hadn't been feeling every ounce of the physical intensity. I think a numbed birth would be way more terrifying than a natural one, because you're stuck there all alone with your Ego! To be alone with all that fear… no wonder birth trauma is so common in our culture. No wonder everyone talks about it like it's torture. With a natural birth, I could feel the power of the entire universe inside of me. It was worth every second of discomfort to travel to the edges of my universe and back again (and I discovered there is no edge... ha!). I have a respect for myself now that is beyond pride, beyond Ego, and beyond joy… it is as deep as time and space itself. I have experienced something far, far bigger than myself but all within myself at the same time. It's indescribable.
(This is long and it doesn't spare any details, so read at your own risk. But it was a great birth so I encourage you to read it!)
For those who don't know...
Alyssa = sister
Quinten = brother
Jonathon = brother
Taz = German Shepard
Emmy and Calzini = cats
Ash = husband
Deb = midwife
Jane- midwife
Sam = assistant midwife
I don't have very many pictures. The birth caught us by surprise and it moved quickly. Let that be a lesson to you all! Prepare for that ahead of time.
August 7th-
We went grocery shopping and I ate a morning glory muffin and a big bottle of cranberry kombucha. We also stopped by our friend Keith and Kate's house thinking that we were going to have plenty of time to house sit for them in the coming weeks (I was only 37.5 weeks at this point!).
That night and the two nights before, Taz insisted on sleeping at the foot our our bed and Calzini came into our room every night. Emmy, as usual, was paying close attention to both of us. I thought it was weird that the other pets were being so attentive to me so "early", but I shrugged it off. We stayed up until about 1am talking and relaxing together.
August 8th-
5am- I woke up with tummy cramps and funny dreams. I got up to pee with the same uncomfortable pressure in my midsection I had been having for the past 3 or 4 nights (I hadn't been sleeping well due to a lot of pressure on my liver). I got back into bed onto my left side and started to fall asleep again, when WOOSH! Out came a whole bunch of warm water. I said "Uh, honey! I think my water just broke!" and Ash said "Oh, really? Are you sure?" And then he felt the bed and said "Oh yeah, definitely! I guess we should call Deb." "Oh, should we?" "Well… there is fluid coming out of you!" I got up and went to the toilet and much more water came out of me, along with a little mucus. Ash called Deb but she didn't pick up (she had left her cell phone in New York and was using an alternate number that we didn't have). We called Jane instead and she picked up and told us to make sure the fluid was clear. She told us everything sounded fine and that the baby would probably be here within 24 hours (that's when I heard Ash on the phone in the next room go "Woah, really?!?"). She gave us Deb's alternate number and we called her and told her the same info. She told us to call her the second the baby moved, and to tell us if we stopped feeling him move.
Ash opened the bedroom door and all of the pets were outside the door. They knew exactly what was going on. He grabbed our birth plan off of the dresser and gave it to Quinten (who was awake for some reason) and told him that my water broke (he seemed pretty shocked and confused as to what that meant exactly, but very excited). Ash knocked on Jonathon's door as well but he fell immediately back asleep (later he said he thought it was a dream).
We knew from our childbirth class that we should continue as normal with our day so we went back to bed. We were both in a lot of shock that the baby could be coming so soon. I was having mild contractions and shaking all over. I put on my Hypnobabies Fear Clearing track. I felt a little nauseous so I began sucking on ginger candies one after another. I then listened to the Deepening track and fell back asleep (sort of) after I stopped shaking (maybe from fear, maybe from the labor starting). It was such a relief to have the water break; I didn't feel any extra pressure on my cervix, but there was no pressure on my liver anymore!! The contractions were pretty close together (5 minutes apart, 2.5 minutes long). I felt them in my lower belly and thighs. We timed them with the app on Ash's iPhone until they got farther apart. I started to go into a sort of trance and time was flying by…
6:30am- He moved- we called Deb. She said she would check on us in a few hours. I listened to my Birthing Day Affirmations track (saying to myself in my head "even though it's probably not my birthing time"). Saying each one out loud really helped calm me down so I could rest. The CD continued through to the Pregnancy Affirmations. I fell asleep listening to music by Rosebud, which was a part of my labor mix tape I made for myself.
10:30am- We got out of bed later and I told Ash that I was starving. He went downstairs to make us food (oatmeal and yogurt) and to tell my parents that my water had broke. I think I remember checking my email, sending an email to our friend Keith saying we couldn't house sit, and sending an mail to Alyssa to let her know to start driving from Asheville. I also wrote down a couple of things I needed from the grocery store so I could send everyone out of the house for a little bit. The contractions had really slowed while I rested (every 15 minutes, at 1 minute long).
12pm- Ash put on some Louis Armstrong for me while he ran around getting things ready for the birth. I went downstairs to start walking around to kickstart labor again.. and I was really hungry once again. In the next four hours, I ate a peanut butter honey sandwich, a peach, some grapes, crackers with cream cheese, a bean and cheese burrito, and a chicken sausage. My body knew what was about to happen!
3pm- Deb came over to check on me. My contractions were now 10 minutes apart and 1 minute long. Based on my contractions and on the line on my backside, she estimated I was 3-4 centimeters and progressing well (I had requested no internal checks). Contractions were really easy to handle at this point with my eyes closed. I was making some soft sounds. It felt like a lot of pressure on my cervix and I often found myself leaning back, belly lifting, or doing other things to make the pressure greater and encourage each contraction to be longer and stronger. I could hear a voice inside taunting them ("That's all you got? That was nothing. More more more!"). Deb said to call her later in the evening when things would probably pick up. She said to rest or sleep if the evening came and went and things weren't getting more serious, since I could always wake up in the morning and push him out then. We asked how we would know when to call and she said "Oh… you'll know!"
5pm- My sister arrived from Asheville. My sister, my mom, Ash and I took my birthing ball outside where it felt lovely to just bounce on the front lawn (leaning backwards while Ash supported me with his arms) during contractions. I looked up at Ash at one point and said "Honey, you're all golden!" (my friend Robin said be sure to notice if you can see people's auras like in the Ina May books!). Gold was definitely the color I would give to describe my labor. Everything shimmered with a golden glow.
We came inside because it was a bit warm (90 something) but there were too many distractions in the kitchen and I became annoyed because there seemed to be more and more people around (Jonathon wasn't leaving to go to Raleigh for the night after all, and Quinten had invited a friend over instead of leaving as well). We went upstairs to the bedroom and things started to pick up. We put on the track Easy First Stage on repeat.
7pm- things started to really pickup once I was alone in the bedroom. Contractions went from 10 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart in those next two hours. This is the part where my memory is fuzzy. Some real magic started happening. I first sat on the birth ball and hung from the handles of my dresser drawer for support, leaning on pillows sitting in an open drawer in between pressure wave Then I laid on the bed with Ash, and I put a hot bag of rice on my tummy. Whatever noise I made, Ash made it with me (this helped a lot for some reason). Then I moved to the toilet, holding myself up during pressure waves by using my arms on the seat in between my legs. I rocked back and forth saying "OOOOPEEEEN" over and over with Ash (at this point I would open my eyes and sort of drunkenly smile at my mom, sister and Ash in-between waves. I also remember kissing my husband). Alyssa joined in the chants of "open" and the energy of the situation escalated quickly as if we were in some kind of movie seance. I started to have the urge to bear down with each wave. Deb was right… Ash knew it was time to call her.
I moved onto the bed and my sounds got louder and louder. The energy was getting so intense that I wasn't staying calm in between contractions anymore, and my sounds were getting to be loud and high pitched. My husband got a little worried about me since things were escalating so quickly and I wasn't able to keep up with the intensity. He had stopped making noise with me at this point, to try and calm the vibe down a little bit. The assistant showed up and started trying to help with the birth pool, and made sure all the supplies were there that she needed. I think at this point the consensus was that the birth pool wasn't going to happen (not that I cared, I couldn't imagine getting out of the bed at this point). At least inflating the pool gave the other men in the house a project to do downstairs, and the air pump created a lot of white noise in the house that wasn't unpleasant. I remember the assistant looking at me when she arrived and she said "you're doing awesome!" and I was thinking "NO I'M NOT!"
10pm- When Deb got there she said "you are making some fabulous sounds!" and she reminded me to keep my sounds low. It sounded impossible but I tried it anyways… it did help me stay calm and I regained enough composure to feel more calm between contractions. I asked when I would reach transition and she said "Uh just a hunch… but I think you're already there right now!" My noises were completely involuntary at this point, they started low and ended somewhere a little higher, but every time I used every ounce of breath and volume that I had because it felt amazing to do so. Deb asked if I wanted to try hands and knees since I had been on my back for some time. I flipped over and leaned on a big stack of pillows, holding my husband's hand and wailing with each wave. My eyes were closed most of the time.
In between contractions I started whimpering, and it was at this point that my experience became extremely dual: there was Ego Me, and then there was the Birthing Me that took over during each wave. I would call her Birthing Woman. Birthing Woman knew exactly how to move and what sounds to make. She knew to laugh and to smile. She wasn't scared at all. But Ego was trembling in between each wave, was whimpering, and was looking at Ash for reassurance. Ego was asking questions quietly like "Is he coming? Is he really coming?" My mom or my sister were rubbing my back, and I think I remember my mom pulling my sweaty hair out of my face. I also vaguely remember them telling me I was doing awesome, and it really reassured Ego that everyone around me was so positive. Birthing Woman had no idea where we were or who was in the room at all.
Deb said "G, are you resisting these a little bit?" and Ego answered "I have no idea. Maybe." and Deb said "Yeah, I think you are. Really bear down with this next one." Birthing Woman said in my head "Duh, that's what I've been trying to do!" And I REALLY pushed with the next one. It was so easy to get him down into the birthing canal with these few pushes, but it took a lot of my strength and I collapsed onto my side, no longer able to stay on all fours. Birthing Woman wanted my legs as far apart as possible. Ego almost fell asleep at this point. I was so tired. I actually remember things going black and me having to shake myself back awake. I remember thinking "Can't we just go to sleep now?" and Birthing Woman said "That's ridiculous!" so I pushed as hard as I could with each contraction. I smiled a few times because the Hypnobabies track was still on in the background, and every once in a while it would remind you to smile in between each wave. Everyone would chuckle when I did this.
11pm- With every wave, Ego thought I had used all my strength and that my voice would give out. But Birthing Woman said "No way, we're almost there!" I didn't believe her so I asked Deb "When do I push the baby out?" and she said "You ARE pushing the baby out!" and Ego was shocked we were already at that part. I asked the assistant to skip to the next track on the CD called Pushing Baby Out. They started encouraging me to push harder with every wave. I don't think I was pushing very effectively for a while because Deb first asked me to lay on my left side, and then asked me if I wanted her to show me where to push. She said she could put her fingers inside me during the next wave so I could feel where to bear down. I said ok, and even though the feeling of her fingers shocked me at first, I soon realized exactly how far down to push (I didn't even know my PC muscles existed down that low). Deb continued to use her fingers to guide every wave, and it became very reassuring for me and things moved more quickly. They had been checking his heart rate on the doppler with about every other wave (or less?) and it stayed perfectly steady the whole time.
Deb told me to hold my legs back with each wave because I was wasting a lot of energy writhing them and flexing them with each push, and Ego shouted "NO I can't do that!" My mom grabbed my right leg and my husband grabbed my left leg and they pulled them back for me. Alyssa had a cold rag on my face and neck in between each wave, which felt amazing. Pretty soon, Deb looked at me and said "I can see his head!" and by the next push everyone else could see it too. Alyssa shouted "He's a brunette!" I could hear the hypnosis CD in the background saying I could push between pressure waves if I wanted to, but I did not want to! I did bear down a bit in between because I could feel that it kept the baby from sliding back each time. At one point, Ash reached down and touched his little head while it was still inside me, and at some point after that, I did too and it made me smile. I was so happy that even though I was working my butt off, it seemed so easy and natural for a baby to fit down and out. It surprised me how little his head felt and how capable my body felt of stretching for him, especially with Deb's fingers in there to stretch me and guide him out. Birthing Woman started to get annoyed that the baby wasn't out yet, but now that Ego was on her side, it only took a few more pushes before Deb said "it's only a matter of minutes now!" I couldn't believe that it was almost over already. Time seemed to fly by, but I had no idea what time it was and that I had been pushing for an hour and a half! My mom and sister were getting quite excited during each contraction because they could see he was seconds away from coming out. Their verbal encouragement really helped. Ash was staying so clam and positive at my side, and every time he looked at me and said I was doing great, I believed him. With every push I turned and asked him "Is he really coming?" and he said "Yes, I promise! I can see him."
August 9th-
12:30am- I felt a slight burning and I knew that meant his head would come out with one more push. I bore down with all my might and I could feel his facial features on the skin of my labia. My mom and sister immediately started crying and my mom said "One more push and the baby will be out!" I felt Deb reach down and pull the cord off from around his neck and then I pushed out his body with little effort. I felt an intense rush of relief and the whole room looked golden and shimmering as I looked down at my son for the first time. Deb said "Reach down and grab your baby!" and Ego stammered "I don't think I can" but at the same time Birthing Woman reached down without hesitation and brought him to my chest. He gave a very soft, single cry and I heard my mom say "He's nice and pink!" He opened his eyes and looked right at me for a good while. I stroked his head and body until he stopped crying. They laid blankets over both of us and I looked at Ash, wordless, and we both stared at him in amazement. Neither of us had the energy to cry at this point, but that was ok because my mom and sister were doing plenty of that for the both of us.
Deb said the cord had already stopped pulsing and that she wanted to cut it. It was a bit short and was pulling at my placenta which was still inside me. Ash cut the cord, and my mom said "There, now he is his own entity!" and then Deb asked me to push out the placenta. I couldn't imagine pushing any more, but it was such a wonderful relief to have that thing finally out of me. I started looking forward to the sleep I hoped I would get, but soon all memory of sleep faded as I rode that hormone high.
People were cleaning up around us when Sam weighed him (I guessed his weight exactly, 7lbs 4oz… that was Birthing Woman's last appearance). They put a little hat on his head and then they asked me to get up so they could change the sheets for us to sleep. Deb said my bladder was full and I should try to pee, but I said "I can't remember how to pee. I can't pee!" Ash got up to pee himself and to wash his hands. I can't remember how my mom changed the sheets because I certainly couldn't move my own legs and they had to be lifted for me to merely sit at the edge of the bed. I think I held the baby the whole time, but I can't remember. I remember Ash kept saying how cute he was. I remember being very confused about how we were going to sleep, and my mom assured me that we wouldn't need a guard rail for a while because our bed was huge and he couldn't roll out of it. So I laid in-between Ash and the baby. Deb told me what to watch for in myself and in the baby and to call her if any of those signs appeared. I remember her saying that he needed to latch onto my breast within the first 24 hours, because he hadn't done so yet. I know Ash slept that night because I remember watching him and the baby sleeping… but I didn't sleep a wink. I was watching him breathe the whole time.
We practiced breast feeding for the first time the next morning about 7 hours post birth, which is a really long time to wait. He had such a super receding chin that it took him all day before he got one good latch. When Deb came over the next morning, she showed us Football Hold and he had an easier time with that. The LLL breastfeeding book has been invaluable; even though I read it cover to cover twice while pregnant we still refer to it every day to make sure he is on track. I basically nurse him whenever he is awake, which is basically every hour or more often. When he isn't sleeping he is lying next to me or on me, both of us naked. He is always sucking all the time, even if he isn't actually drinking, which is why my milk came in early and in huge supply (he was "putting in the order" as the LLL book says). Now that my milk is in, he has had a few good healthy sized breast milk poops (the second day he had like FIVE meconium poops, then nothing the third day except a little green foam, and then his first real poop late that night). My breasts are VERY swollen and tender and my nipples are tender too… but it's worth it to see his little face so happy all the time. Seriously, this kid has zero reasons to cry because someone is always cuddling him or feeding him. He's so quiet. Most of the time we stare at him and talk about how cute he is. We have also been cuing him whenever he poops and pees, in preparation for ECing. We're looking for his own cues but they're a bit hard to see right now. He does make little noises before pooping, but he poops randomly when breastfeeding (not sure how we are going to catch those!). I weighed myself this morning… I think I was about 160 before giving birth, and now I am 151.
I remembered an image I saw in the Birthing From Within book of a woman "roaring the baby out" (a pregnant woman's body on her hands and knees, with a lion's roaring head). I thought it described birth for me exactly:
My voice was hoarse for a day from all that roaring! Ash said he has never heard such powerful sounds coming out of a human. I couldn't really move my arms and legs for a good day or two because I had ripped up all the muscles in them while pushing. But I didn't have any tearing of the perineum. Other than normal tenderness (and a laceration to one of my inner labia), my own recovery has been ideal.
Everyone keeps telling me how great my birth was, and my mom said she was totally sold on Hypnobabies. This made me feel good, since my birth certainly wasn't 100% pain-free (I'd say 85% pain-free) or super calm like the ideal Hypnobabies births in the videos. But it was certainly a great birth with zero complications and lots of positivity. I was not consciously using the hypnosis tools the entire time. I would be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind at some point "I am NEVER doing this again!", but I'd also be lying if I told you that I actually believed that! If that mindset of "relax and allow your birth to happen" hadn't been automatically programmed into my head by Hypnobabies, I think I would have stalled my labor for a long time with all of my fear.
The fear and intensity that my Ego experienced was paralyzing, and it would have inhibited me from letting go so Birthing Woman could do her thing. If I hadn't had a natural birth, I know that the drugs would have also completely silenced Birthing Woman. There is no way I could have been that spiritually engaged if I hadn't been feeling every ounce of the physical intensity. I think a numbed birth would be way more terrifying than a natural one, because you're stuck there all alone with your Ego! To be alone with all that fear… no wonder birth trauma is so common in our culture. No wonder everyone talks about it like it's torture. With a natural birth, I could feel the power of the entire universe inside of me. It was worth every second of discomfort to travel to the edges of my universe and back again (and I discovered there is no edge... ha!). I have a respect for myself now that is beyond pride, beyond Ego, and beyond joy… it is as deep as time and space itself. I have experienced something far, far bigger than myself but all within myself at the same time. It's indescribable.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Happy third trimester to me!
One of our dogs (Louie) bit a kid last week (wasn't the first time he did something like this) and the parents called animal control. They have to hold him in quarantine for ten days to prove he doesn't have rabies... and then they are putting him to sleep. Poor dog, it's a shame he had to go this way. He's only about 2 years old.
And Taz has to get his tail amputated on Monday! He has a little tumor on his tail, and it's non cancerous but it's the kind that spreads pretty fast so they're going to take his tail off before it spreads to a major body part and become cancerous.
Today was a nice day... 90 degrees in the shade with low humidity feels like no big deal. I spent the whole day on the front lawn, reading. We moved the chickens from their indoor coop to their outdoor dog crate... they had so much fun! Bugs flew in and out and they even managed to catch a couple. We gave them an ear of corn to pick on.
I tried the "hand expression" method in the LLL book and a little drop of water came out my left nipple!! I was insanely excited. Probably too excited about a drop of liquid coming out of a nipple. But I think it's the coolest thing in the world that I make food :). Nothing from the right breast... it's funny, it feels like a totally different breast. It's a little smaller, less firm and the nipple is a tiny bit wider/softer. I think I might get less milk out of that one than the left one... but who knows! I don't want to make a self-fulfilling prophecy by dwelling on it too much. I'm reading the LLL book cover to cover and then re-reading the newborn parts before Lucca gets here. What an awesome book.
I bought a whey protein supplement at Whole Foods. Each scoop has 16 grams of protein and some chocolate, so it makes me feel pretty great. I make it with milk so I get about 24 grams of protein with every glass. I don't like the idea of getting my protein in this form (even though there's only 6 grams of sugar, it's technically a processed food), but I really CANNOT eat enough food to get enough protein. SO MUCH FOOD makes up 80-100 grams of protein.
Exercise (gentle walking is all I ever do) pretty much stinks right now. In the mornings it makes me SCARY DIZZY. In the evenings my back hurts too much to do anything but lay down. In the middle of the day it's WAY too hot. Sometimes I can lay down in the evenings for an hour or two and THEN go for a walk. If I don't fall asleep!
Sleeping is also getting harder. My chiropractor said not to worry too much about sleeping on my back, since it's really the only way that feels comfortable. My body seems to MUCH prefer sleeping 6 hours at night and then another 2 during the day. I know it's not technically "natural" for adults to sleep as long as we do at one time, so this change makes me happy... I plan on conforming to my baby's natural biological rhythm which will be sleep/wake/sleep/wake, and this is a good start for that transition. Ash and I already wake up most nights between 2am-4am to talk and get a snack.
We made fried fish with turnips, kale, and green beans for dinner. So much green stuff! And the kale/turnips came from our garden. Ash and I are having fun being in charge of grocery shopping and meal planning.
I'm considering my options for my "career". I think my dream job would be a teaching position with the Eno River Association, or a similar non-profit... maybe even director of education, eventually. But I would also enjoy being a Montessori teacher (possibly not mutually exclusive goals). Either way, I'm going to need some teacher training or some additional schooling. Montessori certification takes about a year and costs between $6,000-$10,000, depending on which programs you enroll in. Certainly cheaper than grad school. Ash and I have pretty much decided that while my parent's property and full time farming is where we want to end up one day... we're not quite ready to settle down just yet, permanently. Ash has this fantasy of raising our kid for a while in Charleston...and of course his music career makes a lot more sense there. I'd really love to live somewhere where I didn't have to own a car, and that's one place to do that. Living here rent free will be perfect for the first few years of raising Lucca, since we can save money and pay for my additional schooling much easier this way. And the great thing about permaculture is that it takes YEARS for fruit and nut trees to grow up and for soil to build... so it can just keep going without us for a year or two if we decide to leave and come back.
The Durham Youth Orchestra had it's last concert ever this week, since Mr. P, the director, is retiring. I took pictures and video, but that will have to wait because I can't find the cable for my camera!
Quinten made an amazing wooden toy box in woodworking class for Lucca. It's gorgeous but once again... no pictures until I find that cable.
And Taz has to get his tail amputated on Monday! He has a little tumor on his tail, and it's non cancerous but it's the kind that spreads pretty fast so they're going to take his tail off before it spreads to a major body part and become cancerous.
Today was a nice day... 90 degrees in the shade with low humidity feels like no big deal. I spent the whole day on the front lawn, reading. We moved the chickens from their indoor coop to their outdoor dog crate... they had so much fun! Bugs flew in and out and they even managed to catch a couple. We gave them an ear of corn to pick on.
I tried the "hand expression" method in the LLL book and a little drop of water came out my left nipple!! I was insanely excited. Probably too excited about a drop of liquid coming out of a nipple. But I think it's the coolest thing in the world that I make food :). Nothing from the right breast... it's funny, it feels like a totally different breast. It's a little smaller, less firm and the nipple is a tiny bit wider/softer. I think I might get less milk out of that one than the left one... but who knows! I don't want to make a self-fulfilling prophecy by dwelling on it too much. I'm reading the LLL book cover to cover and then re-reading the newborn parts before Lucca gets here. What an awesome book.
I bought a whey protein supplement at Whole Foods. Each scoop has 16 grams of protein and some chocolate, so it makes me feel pretty great. I make it with milk so I get about 24 grams of protein with every glass. I don't like the idea of getting my protein in this form (even though there's only 6 grams of sugar, it's technically a processed food), but I really CANNOT eat enough food to get enough protein. SO MUCH FOOD makes up 80-100 grams of protein.
Exercise (gentle walking is all I ever do) pretty much stinks right now. In the mornings it makes me SCARY DIZZY. In the evenings my back hurts too much to do anything but lay down. In the middle of the day it's WAY too hot. Sometimes I can lay down in the evenings for an hour or two and THEN go for a walk. If I don't fall asleep!
Sleeping is also getting harder. My chiropractor said not to worry too much about sleeping on my back, since it's really the only way that feels comfortable. My body seems to MUCH prefer sleeping 6 hours at night and then another 2 during the day. I know it's not technically "natural" for adults to sleep as long as we do at one time, so this change makes me happy... I plan on conforming to my baby's natural biological rhythm which will be sleep/wake/sleep/wake, and this is a good start for that transition. Ash and I already wake up most nights between 2am-4am to talk and get a snack.
We made fried fish with turnips, kale, and green beans for dinner. So much green stuff! And the kale/turnips came from our garden. Ash and I are having fun being in charge of grocery shopping and meal planning.
I'm considering my options for my "career". I think my dream job would be a teaching position with the Eno River Association, or a similar non-profit... maybe even director of education, eventually. But I would also enjoy being a Montessori teacher (possibly not mutually exclusive goals). Either way, I'm going to need some teacher training or some additional schooling. Montessori certification takes about a year and costs between $6,000-$10,000, depending on which programs you enroll in. Certainly cheaper than grad school. Ash and I have pretty much decided that while my parent's property and full time farming is where we want to end up one day... we're not quite ready to settle down just yet, permanently. Ash has this fantasy of raising our kid for a while in Charleston...and of course his music career makes a lot more sense there. I'd really love to live somewhere where I didn't have to own a car, and that's one place to do that. Living here rent free will be perfect for the first few years of raising Lucca, since we can save money and pay for my additional schooling much easier this way. And the great thing about permaculture is that it takes YEARS for fruit and nut trees to grow up and for soil to build... so it can just keep going without us for a year or two if we decide to leave and come back.
The Durham Youth Orchestra had it's last concert ever this week, since Mr. P, the director, is retiring. I took pictures and video, but that will have to wait because I can't find the cable for my camera!
Quinten made an amazing wooden toy box in woodworking class for Lucca. It's gorgeous but once again... no pictures until I find that cable.
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